Hello,
I am new to this board. I have been married for only 10 months but we have been friends forever.
The problem is my husband is a person who internalizes his feelings. I never know what he is feeling. He has no sense of intimacy or romance. We have tried to work it out but to no avail. Then he gets upset and wonders why when we have an argument, I want a divorce. We have tried to go to counseling but that has not seemed to work either. I can't believe we would divorce over something this petty. This is also his second marriage. In his first, he went out and got a divorce and regretted it.
Now he is saying he can't trust me to stay in the marriage because I keep attacking the "covenant".
He doesn't even want to acknowledge how I feel.
PLEASE HELP!

Hi there.
First off welcome to MB! <p>I can relate 100% My marriage is quite new also and unfortunately we have our share if issues. My wife and I have been friends for a long time, and like your H I was always one to internalize my own feelings about some things. Remember though you married him, so you must have seen something more in him, some potential. You may not think it may work or you maybe sceptical, but is your H trying to change at all?<p>Your post seems to be asking a few things. would you stay with him if he learned to change? You say you "want" a divorce, but if he could be the person to meet the needs you thought he could, would you still? Is it more accurate to say if things continue as they are you want a divorce?<p>I can let you know people really CAN change. Give the MB concepts a try they really do work. Don't give up if you have only been to one couselor or have only been to that one for a short time. there are bad counselors that can cause more harm than good. Also there really is no quick fix. Part of being married is learning how to meet each other's needs. EVEN if you were friends or more before, it IS a new ballgame when you are married. Overtime in any relationship, friendship love, and or marriage you can start to take things for granted. You can expect things to take care of themselves, that was the mistake I made. I always thought there would be time to fix the little things after we were married. Did that happen to you guys also?<p>
Write back, we'll do our best to help.<p>
oh btw. is there an affair involved somewhere in this?<p>[ February 05, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>

Your post seems to be asking a few things. would you stay with him if he learned to change? You say you "want" a divorce, but if he could be the person to meet the needs you thought he could, would you still? Is it more accurate to say if things continue as they are you want a divorce?<p> I can let you know people really CAN change. Give the MB concepts a try they really do work.<p>I second Hanginon's advice.Words of wisdom. Don't jump the gun.

Thanks for your responses....<p>No, there is no affair. <p>Now he is saying that he can't trust that I will remain in this marriage because I always threaten divorce. He is contemplating divorce now. We are just living in a house and not hardly speaking.