I have about had it. I told myself that i would plan "A" for 6 months and see where i was. I have done that and now am 2 weeks past that. I have made HUGE changes in me during that time and didn't have too many LB's during it. <p>I have talked to her about the "A" a few times, otherwise she would never mention it. Her "A" is going on just like before..nothing has changed. <p>The last 2-3 weeks i have been confronting her and proving to her that i know that she is lieing to me. NOW she says that i am smoothering her...she only says this when i discuss the "A" or try to ask her for a choice between me and OM. She says she wants to seperate...but knows she shouldn't leave the house and kids. <p>I don't see a way to do this without me filing for "D". She says she doesn't want to give him up...but she doesn't want to tell the kids we are seperating or worse. I feel i need to protect me and the kids. She tells me i can't be her counselor, friend, husband all in one. <p>I want her to come back to me more than anything...but she simply NEVER chooses me over him. We had the most passionate night between us in MONTHS on Monday....Tuesday morning before 8..she was on the phone with him....She said that she felt the passion also. <p>My poor children don't have a clue anything is going on with me and WS. They will be crushed. <p>What to do next ?

Only you know when it is time for you to go to Plan B. But here are some things to think about. Confronting her with the A is a LB. If you find that you can not stop yourself from doing this anymore then it might be time to move to Plan B before she feels that she is being pressured too much. Don't let your Plan A end on a bad note. Her feeling of being smoothered is most likely a very real feeling for her even though you feel that you need to talk about things. And if the A has not started on the downward trend, most likely he is not pressuring her or making her feel smoothered. There are times when i want to talk to my WH about where things stand with the OW, but that would just make him feel that I was pressuring him. <p>She does not want the kids to know becuase that would force her to face what she is doing. Well, maybe it is time for the kids to know. <p>She is right about you not being able to be her counselor, friend and husband all at once. You should not be her counselor at all. There are trained people out there that are paid for that. When a S takes that position with a WS it can come across as educatin, which can be a big LB and seen as disrespectful of her feelings. Even if you do not understand her feelings (and most likely you can not understand someone in the fog) please try to respect those feelings because she is feeling them and you love her. Be her friend first. That is what she needs from you right now. Being her husband puts pressure on her. Being a friend is comfortable for her. Don't worry friends make the best lovers sometimes.<p>It sounds like you still love her very much and that other than the need for a little pep talk now and then you are doing great. If you can keep up the strong Plan A, if you can't, Plan B is not a bad thing, just different.<p>Hang in there. I will say a litle prayer for you.

Sad Daddy,<p>I would recommend NOT going directly to D. You have done Plan A. W is still in A and denying her responsibility for what she is doing to your family. <p>If you are tempted to give up, it is time to consider Plan B. Ask W to find her own place. Have no contact with her. Tell her that you and the kids will be home if she decides to give up OM. Allowing her to have her home and her OM does not motivate her to give up one or the other. She has the best of both. It is her choice to continue the A. It may be time for her to leave until she is ready to recommit to you.<p>I'm sorry things are going this way for you.<p>Take care,
Estes