Sorry this is so long. I had to put this out there. <p>I decided that it is time that I set some boundries with my WH and see what happens. I think there comes a time when you have to just say what you are feeling and try not to make it into a LB. Well, that is exactly what I did this weekend.<p>I have a job that in the past I have had to travel a lot. Last year I accepted a new position with the same company that requires very, very little travel. I was very depressed about WH's A and how he was treating me and I gave up hope on the marriage. In November of last year I joined a legal plan at work that would pay for my D effective January 1, 2002. I was ready to move on with my life (so I thought). Around the same time I also agreed to work on a project at work that I have worked on for the past six years that requires me to be in New York for seven weeks (2/3/02 - 3/22/02 going home every other weekend). <p>About a week after I did this WH started coming around. First he wanted to see the dogs, then he wanted to help me do some work on the house, then he admitted that he saw many changes in me and that the marriage may be an option for him. This last part was the third week in December and at this point there was no way for me to get out of the project in NYC. <p>I spoke with Steve Harley for the first time in months after that and he agreed that I should hit Plan A really hard and see where it took us. That is what I did until last week. I was doing a pretty good job of it until last Wednesday evening when my electricity went out from a bad ice storm. <p>WH also lost the electricity in nis apartment, but fortunate for him OW still had hers. He went to stay with her for a few nights. Since I was leaving for NYC on Sunday, we had agreed to spend the whole day together on Saturday after he finished a project at work. I thought that since neither of us had electricity I and he was taking me to the airport on Sunday that I would make reservations at a hotel near the airport for Saturday night. When I suggested this to him on Saturday he said that he did not think it was a good idea because although OP knew he was spending time with me she did not know we were sleeping together. He also said that when he left her apartment that morning he told her that he was going shopping with me and to run some errands, but that he still did not have power at his apartment and he did not tell her that he was not coming back.<p>OK, I lost it. I did not yell or throw things or anything like that, but I did tell him how that made me feel. I figured that since he was the one that brought her into our discussion, I could talk about it. I told him that I felt that he had placed her in the position of wife and me in the position of being the OP. I explained that he had stayed with her for three nights and I did not say a word, but to spend one night with me would upset her. I explained that if that is how things would be on the weekends that I can home from NYC, that I would rather not see him. He said that was my choice, but that it was not what he wanted. I explained that it was not my preference, but that I would not place myself in a position any longer that was destructive to my emotional well being. He said that he understood that and that upon thinking about what I said about letting her feel like the wife and me like the OP that I was right and he needed to fix that. He apologized and said that he would fix that while I was gone and that things would be different when I get home.<p>I was in shock. I could not believe that he did not act like he did 10 months ago and tell me that we should just get a D if that was how I felt. He left me at about 8:45 that night and drove to her place. The next morning when he picked my up to go to the airport he was giving me all kinds of hints that he did not stay with her the night before. Finally I asked him is he was telling me that he stayed at his place the night before. He said that things had "taken an interesting turn of events" and that he ended up driving back to his apartment and staying there. <p>I guess she must have been unhappy that he was with me that long and said something. Either she kicked him out or he left on his own (doesn't matter to me as long as he left). I took a big chance setting boundries, but maybe it did some good. I tried very hard not to LB, but rather stated that this was how I felt. I tried not to point fingers at him while I explained how I felt. At one point he asked me if I thought he was upset with me for telling him what I was feeling adn I said yes. He assured me that he was glad I pointed it out to him and that he had a really good time with me.<p>I thought that after he had time to think about what had happened both with me and with the OP that somehow it would be my fault that they argued and that I would not hear from him for a few days, but he actually called me the next day. <p>I will keep praying that he is starting to see the light and that things are coming to an end with them. <p>Thanks for listening to me ramble. I just needed to get it out. <p>Any thoughts???

Hi, <p>I think your talking it out here did good. I see your progress and assured way of taking sure steps forward for you. Now your H is pacing himself to catch up to you. Good. Sounds like he is moving in the right direction. <p>So Steve sent you to plan B first and now A? Hm.....interesting and it does make sense. <p>Thanks for your update. <p>L.

Hi SInking fast, I agree with the boundaries, after giving in to ws whims of fancy that made me into a loser with a capitol L... if you know what I mean,... i am begi nning to see how bad he has treated me... I am glad you set some boundaries.. why bother with a H who want s an OW anyway.. you are the WIfe, his wife, the one he mad e the vows to... I know how they say, well if you don't like it, let's D... hocus pocus.. they are just trying to see what they can get away with, while full of fear to lose us!<p>Hugs to you and your strength, do not worry about the job and the travel, it should make him respect and miss you!@ HONEY

Orchid, thanks for the support. You seem to be such a strong person and give great advice. In the beginning I was such a mess that any attempt at Plan A was a disaster. I would end up begging him to fix the marriage and get away from her. Wow, what a mistake. As we all know that only pushed him further from me and straight to her. I have always been a very strong person and always in control. Well all of the sudden I had no control over anything. I let my emotions control me and my actions. Steve saw this right away and also noticed how beat up I was getting from the way my WH was acting. He said that if I did not get away from him I was not have any love left for him when he wanted to return. Thus, my quick move to Plan B. It was the best thing I ever did. I got stronger every day. <p>Honey, thank you also for your support. I have noticed such a difference in your posts over the last few weeks. You seem to be getting stronger every day. Hang in there. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]