My life in the past two+ years has been a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs, twists and turns. What I need to know is how many chances do you give?. When is it time to say ok... this is enough I have done everything I can to try to save this marriage. <p>Here is the thing, if I keep my mouth shut and ignore what is going on then we wouldn't have any problems. This guilt trip is layed on me about being parinoid. My H thinks everything is just great, and he tells people what a good wife I am. Talks me up while he is tearing our marriage apart!!! <p>I have been in and out of this forum for two+years back and forth, emptying my heart then screaming tears of joy because I think we had a breakthrough, well, here I am again!!! <p>How many chances???<p>Here is my situation--<p>1999--Letter from unknown saying H is having an affair
--H works late, comes home drunk, lies about where he has been, and so on.<p>2000--H works late, doesn't include me in anything
---Followed H lied about where he was and how long he was there I am following him in my car,
2001--went for my Bday weekend w/some neighbors, H talked to neighbors wife the whole time, not joking either.<p>2001--H goes on a business trip says he is driving w/some other guys at his work. 5hour drive, found out H is driving w/another woman from work alone.
2001--H says he cannot come home early because he has too much work to do, find out he was at a party at his Bosses house for 5 hours came home drunk.
2001--H sent me to see a friend in another state, partys all weekend w/friends. Find out that he had some woman from work stay the night and watch the kids. He didn't tell me.<p>2001--H went out of town to see a friend w/another friend to a Super Bowl party. H never calls me, I call him 2 hours before his plane lands and he says, we are not going to make it. Found out they went to Mexico. Came home the next day!!<p>These are just the major ones. H denies any wrong doing, and just walks away. It is all lies we have talked about this over and over. I keep giving him chances and he just walks all over me every time!!! <p>My mom thinks I should set some boundries, I have tried but he doesn't really listen to me. He does what he wants.<p>What do I need to do?? We have tried counseling didnt work for him!!!!<p>Help

Anyone???????

Get some counseling for you. Yes, it does sound like you need to set some boundaries but you also have to set some consequences if he crosses those boundaries and be willing to follow through with them. <p>How many chances only you can decide. It is when the bad starts outweighing the good. Also a trial separation of what life will be like without each other is good. <p>I am really sorry you are here.

Your RIGHT.. We are in the same boat..and the boats are both full of holes, just like H's stories are.....Youve been going thru this for 2 yrs?? You must be a very strong woman...Tell me, why do you stay?? Are you still in love? Is it financial?? Do you have kids?? Are you scared to be alone.<p>Ive been going thru this since July (thats d day) but I guess its going on longer than I thought.<p>A trial separation maybe in order. Consider it fully B4 you make any desicions. Then he'll know just how good he had it.<p>It sounds like you have the support of family (mom) Would she help you with your desicion, and be there for you financially?

Hi, sounds like our h's are on the same path, are they best friends, sounds like mlc, and irresponsible h, how old are the kids! What a JERK! Sorry , vent- at my H, what jerks men can be! Nice to abandon the family, eh? and be a party boy!? Well, I have heard the book boundaries, can be quite good, I am thinking of setting boundaries too! I am tired ... H now says of my plan a , that he likes things the way they are... as I am now nice to him, in the face of this CRAP, when before I was having a fIT! IT sounds like you know what I mean!?<p>Sorry that you are here. .. we both deserve better/! I will look for your posts, HUGS< HONEY!

Thank you all for your responses. My H and I have been married going on 10 years in July. We got married at 19 and had our first child shortly after. Our children are 9 and 3. <p>Why have I stayed???? I think it is because I am scared. I don't work right now, and havent since my second child. We are financially stable money is not an issue, I don't know if I can make it alone. He threatens about taking the kids away, and why would anyone let me have them. I have no way to support them. Which I really don't. My H is trying to start up a company right now and his family is dead last as always. Money seems to be the first thing on his mind. I m not complaining but when people say money doesn't make you happy they are telling the truth. I think it makes things more complicated.<p>How do I set boundries??? I seems that I have set some before but never follow through with them.. maybe that is why his is walking all over me.<p>I don't know

Camjon,
If he takes away the kids...it'll cut down on his taking off without notice. I doubt that is a real threat. Why would HE get the kids?<p>As for how many chances...my H & I actually separated 7 times over 21 months. Now we've been together since 5/00. But, in that 7th separation, I served him D papers and he had a complete change of heart. It took him 3-4 months to convince me to try again.<p>If your H doesn't see that he's doing wrong after 2 years of having his wrongdoing pointed out to him...he's not likely to change without something major happening...separation, you in Plan B.<p>And that is scary.<p>Set up your finances as well as you can. Know where the accounts are & how much is in them. I set up an account just in my name. I told my H, I wasn't hiding it. See a lawyer to see what you can do to legally protect you and your kids financially. He is liable for child support. You can find a job, or find a way to work part-time or at home.<p>You can try to set boundaries, but you have to be set up so that when he steps over them--and it appears he will--you have your plan of action in place.<p>Or, you can continue to live like you are and hope he stops being [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] ...(I'm sorry I can't think of a word that is MB acceptable.)