Hi, I am engaged to a woman in the Philippines currently and I found out that she wishes to continue an email dialogue with a man she considers a "friend only". He is married to a friend of hers now and is living in New York. When she joins me, we will be in California. What bothers me is that she is wearing a diamond ring that this guy gave to her and says its a "friendship ring". She swears up and down that she would never cheat on me, and I believe it for the most part. It just really bothers me to have this guy, who openly desires her, sit on the sidelines like a vulture waiting for a problem to arise and make his move. I know he will be offering his constant advice on how I should treat my wife and how I should behave, etc. And it just seems disrespectful that she is wearing a diamond ring from some other guy when she is supposed to be committed to me!!!! Please help me out here someone. Thanks.

I would request that she cut her ties. If he's married to her friend, why is she contacting him and not her friend? Why doesn't her friend have the diamond ring? I asked that my H do the same thing with a girl he dated just before we got together. She called when his mother died and she sent a letter after we were married but he never responded. The day before my wedding, I received a letter from an old boyfriend and I never responded. Do you get my drift? Cut the ties. Don't marry her until she does. Tell her it's not fair. Check out Billy Graham. Do you know why there has been no scandal related to his ministry? Men and women who are not married aren't even allowed in the same room alone together. There's a reason for that. Men should get counsel from men and women from women. It's not fair that she regards his friendship as high as your relationship. He shouldn't be in the picture.

Not to be disrespectful, or paint with a broad brush, but I cant count the number of people I know who married Phillipino women only to have thier lives destroyed. The number of successful relationships I have seen is very small. With that in mind, be very careful about where you are going with this. <p>Good luck,<p>C

Now that just sounds a tad racist.
I can understand that comment if you are talking about mail order brides or soemthing but hell not all filipino's are trying to marry people to come to the US. If that is what this is about, then yes mail order or internet order brides probably are not the best marriage rates. It has NOTHING to do with race.. sheesh.
In fact I know filipinos who are quite sucessfull and have quite long marriages.<p>Anyhow. thats my morality for the day.<p>[ February 06, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>

Thanks so much for the input. I am actually going with the first response, and insisting she cut the ties. Its just not right, and I dont think that is being insecure and overly jealous either to demand that. She told me also that this upsets his wife, so I would be doing her a favor as well. None of the married women in my family insist on keeping in touch with some other man, so I dont think this is appropriate. <p>And as far as the Philippino wives, in general the divorce rate is lower from what I understand.
Although, I am going to play it carefully as well.<p>Any further input will be greatly appreciated. This is a very difficult time for me. Thanks.

Have her cut all ties or you'll end up with a signature line like mine. Be prepared she may not agree with you or she may agree and then just lie about it. Be prepared to cut all ties with her if she can't respect that.

Yes, I am suspecting she may continue behind my back. I am planing on placing a monitor on my computer to track all activities when she gets here. I know its extreme, but I really dont want to marry a sneak or chronic liar. There are plenty of those here in the US to choose from, and there won't be alot of visa hassles to deal with either. Anyways, I really hope I can trust this girl because she seems like a wonderful person. I am not very religious but I am going to start praying to God that this is the right move for me and that she is the person I think she is.