This is my 1st post, but have been lurking here for several weeks and read everything on this site.
This site has been of great support to me and it is amazing how some many of the stories I read here could be me.<p>Just a bit of background.
My H and I have only been married a few months but have been together for over 7 years.
D/Day was in December and the affair started in November (6 weeks after we were married) .
The affair was with one half of a couple that we were both friendly with and went out most weekends.We have known them for over 2 years.<p>
Since D/Day H has promised no contact several times but through snooping have discovered that he still continues to contact OW .<p>We are making progress, slowly but surely he is starting to tell me more details about the affair - like finally admitting he had sex etc.
This is only really when I confront him with evidence from my snooping.
I know this is a major LB but when I find out about contact - however I try to keep it to myself - I simply can't. I have decided to stop snooping to stop some LB'ing.
I really do believe that this is now only an emotional affair rather than physical now.
Things are getting better at home, we start to talk about the future together etc and generally having some good times together.
For me though we have not resolved yet the crux of the matter as I cannot openly talk about the affair or factors that led to it.
Everytime I do ask details about the A it ends in argument and H gets defensive that is why I still believe there is contact with OW.<p>So currently I am try to Plan A while waiting for the A to die. I do feel the need to do something more, the waiting is very difficult especially as you don't know for how long and how it will all turn out.<p>Here is my question?
I really want to go and see OW. I used to call her a friend and since D/Day have had no contact.
I just want to tell her my side of the story - warts and all. She is also still with her bf and want her to understand what sort of anguish she is putting her bf in.
I know there are reasons caused by me why H strayed and I am doing everything I can do to correct them.
I have talked about going to see OW with H and he obviously doesn't want me to go and see her.<p>I also have not recently talked to bf who is also my friend. I really don't think he knows any of the details (like sex) about this A. I want to try and convince OW that if she really wants her relationship with her bf to work she should get everything out into the open and stop contacting my H! I don't feel it is my place to talk the truth to bf even though I know we could be great support to one another.<p>I love my H so much and just want to do the right thing. I would welcome people's perspectives on this.Thanks.

IMHO.....it isn't going to do you any good to go and talk to the OW. It's most likely going to be a MAJOR LB. Your H will see it as butting in.<p>Your friendship with this person didn't keep them from having an EA or PA in the first place so what do you think talking with her will do?
She obviously doesn't care about your side of the story or she would have never done this to her so called friend. <p>He's obviously still a little in the fog if the EA is still going on.....and you 2 can't start recovery until there is NO CONTACT at all and he is through withdrawl.<p>Talking to this friend about the anguish she is putting her bf through is not your job.....this is her problem....she should be the one to talk to him about it.<p>And obviously.....if she is still in an EA with your H.....she isn't going to listen to a word you say anyway.<p>My opinion......don't talk to the OW.....most likely you will only stir up more trouble than what it's worth.

Pixie--<p>See confused thread on this page "Has anyone contacted OM/OW..."<p>I agree w/Miss Priss...not only will it be a LB to your H, but I doubt you will feel any better...<p>You need to focus on you; be patient and let the chips fall where they may...<p>Seeing OW, in my opimion, just ain't that good of an idea...<p>Take care <p>E

Pixie7,<p>I am not recomending anyone to talk to OP unless you know what you want to get out of it and you could hold yourself w/ no LB. You won't change H or OW mind about it.<p>However, if you could hold w/ no LB, non confrontational and focus on gathering info, you should do it. Also explain that you are going to fight for your M. You have to be able to hold your tounge and listen ... listen to the excuse (justification) and to the issues (fact).