Not sure where to start, so if i am in the wrong location, please direct me to the right spot.
My H and I have been arguing for months about his partner at work, female, then she joins f.d, that he belongs to, which don't help.
He and she swear that there is nothing going on, but from the beginning, there has been pages, (pager), that i have found sexual content in, ex. sit on my face for 3 hours, i haven't had a hard on in 4 days, i miss you, get the idea? he don't understand how degraded he makes me feel, and that it is not just words like he says our marriage vows was 20 years ago. can anyone give me some advice, i really need it. I love him, even though he acts childish with this. He has to go to court for domestic violence, because he knocked a hutch off our dresser the other night and scared me, while deputy was here, he called said he was sorry, and it should of never come to this, i said yes, why do you think i have been complaining all this time. Am i making a mountain out of a molehill? I don't think so, a married person should not carry on that way, if they want to stay married, if the don't then he should get out. PLEASE help!

Welcome lonely&confused ...<p>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites...
Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)<p>About your post...<p>You should never take any physical abuse...
...that is number one.<p>Approach him on starting counseling...
...maybe with a local minister...
...maybe at your church...
...if things are a little too far gone... go with a professional like the Harleys.<p>Do start on a Plan A...
Check out my post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.).<p>But...
...make it clear to your H... from the beginning...
...a continued affair will drain the love you have for him...
...and destroy the marriage.
Be honest to him about this!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim / NSR

I have tried Plan A, meet all his needs that I know he would like. But it is very hard to kiss up and get nothing in return. It has been months since started, and he hasn't changed, its only about him. He said the other day just before destroying furniture that he will never touch me again, and so I sleep on the couch, my decision, and wear heavy flannel pajamas. If he don't want me, i will not make myself available. I even went as far as to go to Fredrick's and he completely ignored me, this was Christmas time, and things seemed to be better, til I found out he is still paging nasty sexual comments to her. He is 43 and she is 25, they are partners at work, 12 hour days, at least 3 days week, calls and talks to her and vice versa everyday. He hides everything thinking i am so nieve that i wont think anything about it. Does the WS always think the other person is dumb? I can't stand this point in my life, I feel like i have wasted 20 years of my life, I'm not even 40. the only good i feel at this time is that i have my two almost grown boys, its hard to remember happy times, it seems so long ago. i think i have lost him forever! As far as telling him that this behavior will drain my love for him, I don't think he cares, its the usual story of your psychotic and insecure, grow up, were just friends.<p>[ February 07, 2002: Message edited by: lonely&confused ]</p>