Well since she revealed to me the contact she had with the OM last week, my lows seem to be lower. Alot of the time I am okay but when I bottom out I have a much more difficult time being reasonable.<p>As far as I know, they've had no contact just as she keeps telling me they won't. This is good and I have been getting signs that it might really be over between them, of course I'm still insecure about that.<p>Since my layoff I have taken on construction odd jobs that pay cash (Uncle Sam will be loving me this time next year but it keeps me going for now). It's steady work but pretty crappy. When I'm low I find myself resenting her. Resenting that she doesn't appreciate how hard I work for us, how much I am willing to sacrifice for us to have a chance. I get an overwhelming urge to go to OM's place and confront him, shake the information out of him. Are you still seeing her, do you have any idea what this is doing to me? I know that would be an ugly scene but it's hard.<p>On the brighter side of things, we're doing pretty good. We've spent a lot of time together doing little things. We went and looked at a condo for her and I think it's setting in how impossible it will be for her to get anything remotely close to a condo (even the cheapest). We've done some shopping, watched TV taken our son out. I still get waves of sadness but I'm getting better at not letting them show.<p>She asked me one night if I thought we would be divorced. I started the longer answer and she asked for a yes or no, so I told her no. She whimpered that she still wanted to but I get the impression she's not as sure about it anymore. It's still on hold, mutual decision.<p>I sent her an email before heading off to work this morning, wishing her a good day etc. She sent back she would try and have a good day and that she had to admit it's been a nice week. Some bright spots but I'm fighting to keep control right now. I want to ask her if she's seen him but I know that will set us back a bit. On the other hand, if she is I would just as soon know. She did promise to tell me if she sees him, but not if she talks to him on the phone. <p>Trying to keep my chin up here.
