My W seems less stressed at the moment. She often changes her behaviour to scheme. 3 things have happened that may be the cause:-<p>1/ OM has been away for 6 days, so lots of phone contact
2/ She has gone for legal advice.
3/ She is worried that she will be embarrassed at work when her affair is revealed<p>I prefer the more relaxed atmosphere but doubt that it's good news. Is her legal position better or worse than she would like? Is separation from OM easier for her? Is she scared I might spill the beans at work? What am I missing? Any ideas?

Plan a is the answer- I do not know your whole story , but have read some of your posts I know.. I am tired, and up in the middle of the night.. her it is 154 am... I just wanted you to know... I care, and understand your pain..t hey , ws, will act strange in all sorts of crzy ways... do not gauge yourself on how she acts.<p>Take care of you, plan a.. means being kind to her and not reacting in the face of her being so awful and treating you awful... love her.. but draw boundaries, and keep some distance so she cannot hurt you too much... get into counseling for you at least if she will not go..<p>The FOG is everpresent... read everything you can on this site, and post post and post.... it helps... I am doing a million times better than a few months back... I am not sure now he deserves to have me back! I can't believe I got to this point.. I was so desperate to save my marriage, so angry and so hurt.. I still am, but now I see more who I am .. and why it was not my fault.. and that I have been trying to fix things and he keeps messing up! I still am giving more time.. but starting to see danger of falling out of love.<p>Take care of you, do things yuou like to do.. build you... read everything you can.. write in a journal.. do whatever it takes... go back to church and pray.. .take care of you.<p>She is in fog and messed up for now, give her time... it is good for coworkers, etc...t o find out...a s it brings the fantasty to the light of day and it will staRT TO

start to destroy the a, but for you to tell, and her know about it, is big LB. I am praying fo ryou... I am going to go and try to wind down for bed.. have to getr up at 530 am for work.<p>Hugs to you, you will make it, you will grow stronger.. this is not your fault.. even though she may be blaming it on you.... It is all about her.<p>Hugs, HONEY

also wanted to add, I spilled beans, nd it may not be bad idea.. but do it in a way that others do not know you told, if you can help it... be a little sneaky.. this may not be the best advice.. but it sure made my H and his ow look like the fools they were, and it helped for them to realize how stupid they were. This will probably go on for a while.. if you want to save your M, hang on the ride is tough, get on antidepressants if you are not,, this is not for the weak! it is easier to just say bye.<p>H

Now he's back and she's all edgy again. I feel like punching his face in ( and hers ). Plan A is hard. The more I find out about him the more I know I can't let him near my children. He's a bully to his wife and child, he's a cheat, he's weak, he can't manage his debts, he's seriously ill and he's morally bankrupt. And she still chooses him over and I have provided for her for 13+ years and love her to distraction. I'm going to do something silly soon - help please.

Paul!<p>Hey, just as one example of someone who's been through this process... I'm over 5 months into it, and I'm just starting to see the first possible signs of my WW's fog clearing. And I'm not even certain at that, but there is some promise anyway! That's the kind of timeframe you need to set your sights on.<p>Honestly, I know how hard Plan A can be. I was prepared to throw in the towel on SEVERAL occasions - ask the folks here [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] . But I'm glad I didn't, because now I think my WW is starting to see OM for who he is - not so great after all. And why does he not look so great? Because I've acted so great - patient and kind throughout my Plan A. (Well, we're all allowed some LB's - we wouldn't be human without some.)<p>Most A take 6-24 months to die their own natural deaths. There's absolutely nothing we BS can do to force that death. Time will do it for us - kind of like an assassin who's effective about 90% of the time!

be careful, I attacked the OW, and my h when I went to a bar they took my kids to, to see where they were taking my kids! they walked in to play darts while I was there.. I had not eaten in 2 weeks, or slept...and I had had wine and too much for me! i knocked her flat on her back! well, they called police, and charged me... charge me? unfortunately,t here is no jail for cheaters and adulterers except HELL! SOrry, but please be careful... lawyers can be expense... and it will help you more than you know to be the good person you are... and let her be the idiot! Hugs, honey