Hi! This is my first post, please excuse the fact that I don't know all the correct words, and especially that it's so long:<p>My wife and I had been together for 6 years, married for 3, in what we thought was a perfect marriage. We loved each other immensely, and never tired of telling each other. My wife is American, and I'm English - she moved to the UK for us. In Oct 2000 she got a new job, and seemed very happy, the job took her to the States quite often so she could see her family. On one trip in december she was supposed to be going to LA alone, but I didn't hear from her for 2 days (we used to talk on the phone 4 or 5 times a day), and It worried the h*ll out of me. I started calling around, looking on the web at newspapers etc.. I knew that something had happened - she never did this. Unfortunately, while making calls, I found out she had gone out there with her boss. When she finally called, she said she had been in a car accident, but (thank God) she was fine. I then started to ask her where she had been - she lied until she ran out of lies and said she had gone to Mexico with her boss. I was absolutely devastated, my world collapsed around me, it felt like somebody was punching me in the chest. I got angry and said I wanted a divorce, she cried and pleaded no.
The phone conversation over the next few days went from her being sorry, to saying she was unhappy and wanted excitement, that's why she did it. I flew to NY (her home) 3 -4 days later, and it was like I'd never met this woman - my beautiful wife who would do anything for me, now didn't even climb out of the car at the airport to greet me. But after 2 days she wanted to come home with me, but her mother (who is VERY controlling), wouldn't let her - I later found out she'd been telling her parents in the previous few days how unhappy she was and that's why she did what she did. I had to go back to England, and it broke my heart to leave her, but she said she loved me and would be back in a few days. Also she had said the Mexico trip was just a bit of excitement, and he was just a friend - I believed every word she said. I returned to England over Christmas, while she stayed with her brother in Miami - we didn't talk for a few days - when we did she said she loved me. She finally came back a week later, wouldn't talk, and said she wanted a divorce. There were tears, and we were both obviously wounded. Then after three weeks she said she was going back home, I drove her to the airport, but she couldn't do it. She said we had to try for our marriage, nothing could have made me happier. But when she told her mother, her mother freaked.
The next day, we went away on vacation to get away from it all, things were difficult but OK. When we got back I had to go away for a few days and she was supposed to join me, instead she called and said she was leaving tomorrow.
For a month and a half we had very little contact, she wanted a divorce, as a last effort (I couldn't believe this was happening) I went to NY in March with a ring and asked her to marry me again, but she was confused and didn't know what to do. Unfortunately, while I was there I found her e-mails to her boss saying how much they cared for each other, and him telling her how I wasn't a good husband, and that she deserved more - she deserved him....She didn't know.... and I went away stunned. I know she cheated on me emotionally, I know she broke my heart, but I'd like to believe that nothing physical happened between them.
My Wife returned to England in April for a divorce, she came home, and I could see there was something there - by the end of the evening we wanted to try for our marriage, and slept in each others arms. Things were difficult, and then after a few weeks she said she was no longer in love with me, then a few weeks later she said she didn't think she had ever been "truly" in love with me. All I know is that I have the memories and her letters - if she was never truly in love then she is either one h**l of an actor, or she's lying. I know that she kept trying to maintain contact with her boss, but in her heart he did the "right thing", and left her to sort out her marriage and that makes him a good man. In reality he just needed to get out of a difficult situation.
Anyway to cut a long story short, we've spent the last 8 months trying to get our lives in order, going to councilling etc..bought a new house, and I thought we were going to make it. We talked about having children, and having a Catholic wedding ceremony. Things were difficult, you don't go from being each others rock, to nothing, and then try and rebuild without being cautious around each other a little. I know she thought about her boss - she once told a friend "how can I be in love with my husband, with another man always in my thoughts?"
We moved into our new house on the 21 of Dec. She was very excited, looking to the future she told all her friends, and I couldn't have been happier. Then her parents visited on the 16 of Jan, we spent a few days together. They were going back on the 20th, everything was normal, I kissed my beautiful wife in the morning, called her parents to say goodbye, and left for work. When I came home that night I found a very cold note saying that she had gone back with her parents, please don't call, please don't follow. She had taken EVERYTHING she owned. 3 days before our fourth anniversary. It's now been three weeks and I've respected her wishes and not been in contact, haven't heard a word from my wife or her parents.
I recognize from our conversations that I wasn't always the perfect husband....but she ALWAYS came first. It&#8217;s been a lot more complicated than a few paragraphs on a computer....so much hurt. How did something so beautiful go so wrong?<p>I'm sorry for using up so much space, but I feel like my world has collapsed around me, she is the most beautiful girl in the world to me - she is my Juliet. I don't know what the right thing is...to call and tell how much I love her (like I have been for the last year), or to let her have her space. All I know, is that I am incomplete without her.<p>I apologize for the poor writing .. this is very difficult.<p>Anyway, thank you for listening..............

risk, welcome to MB and I'm so sorry you felt compelled to come looking for us.<p>Have you read through the material on the web site? There is a lot of information and a lot of concepts that people will be referring to as they respond to you, so if you haven't already you should.<p>How old are you and your wife? It seems strange for an adult to be so helpless to resist the pressures of her mother. Did she tell her mother something awful about you, other than saying she was unhappy?<p>I know it is hard to be rational when you're caught up in such emotional turmoil, but have you tried to analyze how you got to where you are? From your post, it sounds as if nothing was wrong in your relationship on either side until your wife had a fling with her boss. Is that really the case, or have you left something out, or have you never considered what was missing that led to the affair? I suggest you start there. Try to figure out what your wife was looking for in her affair. There is an excellent article by Dr. Sheila Glass available on line at http://www.smartmarriages.com/glass.html which I found very enlightening. One of the things she says is that she asks the wandering spouse not what they liked about the affair partner, but what they liked about themselves while having the affair. What was your wife trying to be? What is she trying to be now? Who do you want to be?<p>Good luck. We're here for you.

Hi risk, <p>I can't really say any more than what Charynne said, but felt kind of compelled to respond as my husband and I are in a similar situation. I, too, am from the US and married my UK husband. I found the transition to a new country with new friends and family to be extremely difficult for me. I was separated from everyone and everything that I had known and had to "start over" in a new life. It can be quite a shock to the system. <p>I only say this in an attempt to try and let you know how your wife may be feeling. While I wasn't the one in our marriage who had the affair, I know I contributed to it in many, many ways. While waiting for my various visas, I went through a huge depression, home-sickness, feeling like I didn't fit in and basically sitting on my bum in the house gaining weight and feeling sorry for myself. I won't assume that your wife went through the same feelings as me, but I have read from many, many women who move to new countries that they experience similar patterns. It is difficult. <p>I can tell you love your wife with all your heart, so already you have a head-start. Please read everything on this site, post as much as you can and try to figure out what YOU could have done to contribute to her affair. <p>When my husband told me he was in love with someone else, I had to take a long hard look at myself, my behaviour and my contributions (or lack of!) to our marriage. What I found wasn't very nice, but I knew it needed to be faced, head-on. I spent a month on the sofa crying and then realised I couldn't live my life this way forever. I began reading eveyrthing I could get my hands on, crawled around on the internet looking for information on affairs and why they happen, and most importantly, came here for advice and support. I also got my bum into counselling as fast as I could - I highly recommend it for your own sanity and healing. <p>Post here as much as you like and ask whatever questions you want answered. But definitely read everything on this site first. The people here are incredibly supportive and very wise. You will see a lot of success stories, as well, which will give you hope and strength to carry on. <p>I wish you all the best, Risk!<p>VE

Charynne, thank you for the kind words....<p>I have been reading through the website, and slowly getting the hang of it!! I'm 32, and my W is 31. I'm afraid her Mother is very controlling, and for her only her daughter exists...she would be great towards me as long as she thought my W was happy, but anything other than that and her family always comes first - irrespective. I don't believe my W told her anything awful about me - there are no skeletons - but she did tell her how unhappy she has been.<p>My W and I have talked about this for hours. We lived in a small cottage in the country, which was idyllic at first, but with very little to do. When I was away from home, she would be lonely, she made very few friends (mainly because of the remoteness of where we lived), I was her everything. She then found the new job in London, and was surrounded by young people, and enjoyed partying with them, but still everything seemed fine at home. When I later asked her what had happened and why, she said she felt alive again, she liked the attention that others gave her, she felt attractive. In retrospect I realise that I could be withdrawn, and sometimes not as attentive as I should have been - I have a difficult job with long hours/commute (not an excuse, I know), and sometimes I would get home and just want to sit in front of the TV and switch off my mind. But during all this I always told her how beautiful she was, we always said "I love you" to each other, and we had a very good physical relationship. In fact she told everyone how lucky she was to have me ... just the day before she left for Mexico she told my mother she was the luckiest girl in the world to be married to me.
To some extent we were in a rut in our day to day living, little social life etc..but it was meant to be temporary...we were supposed to be having a Catholic ceremony and moving to the States in the fall of 2000. We never got the chance. We then went to the States in sep 2001 looking for a house, but I'm afraid the sad events of Sep 11th (which affected her very badly as she is from NY)prevented us from doing that. Our new house here, which she was so excited about, was meant to be a new start until we could once again look at moving back to the States, and closer to her family who she missed greatly.<p>I think it was the excitement that caused her to wander, and then she fell for this guy, perhaps she felt I took her for granted (and to some extent, because I felt our love was so strong, maybe I did).I'm afraid more than that I can only guess at.<p>She has always had very high moral standards about cheating/lying, and In my heart I believe that part of her telling her parents we were so unhappy, was trying to justify her actions - she knew she had done something very wrong, so there must have been a reason. Once she went down the track of telling everyone she was unhappy, she began to believe it (just me trying to make head or tail of what happened). Also she said the car accident in Mexico (where her boss had apparently saved both their lives) had made her re-evaluate everything.<p>What I don't understand is the last few months, we were once again building a life together, we held hands wherever we went, kissed and cuddled, though we were still feeling our way around each other and our sex life had become pretty poor. She still wasn't able to say "I love you", apart from once while we were on vacation in may last year. But we were trying - in fact the night before she left she was lying on my lap on the couch, she woke up in the morning and kissed me while she thought I was asleep, we kissed as I left for work...then that night she was gone. I'm not saying we were anywhere near perfect or mended, but we were trying. She went with literally everything she owned, some of my stuff, and some things that meant a lot to the both of us...but I don't begrudge her that.<p>To not hear from her for three weeks, not know where she is, what her plans are...it's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with...I wish her all the happiness in the world, but I'd just like her to tell me why she did what she did. And I miss her beautiful smile..<p>Once again, thank you for replying.

VE - thank you too for the support, when I have a little time later on today, and a chance to think some more, I'll try and respond properly to all you have said.<p>"May all your days be sunny"

No problems, Risk. And don't feel like you have to respond - there's no pressure here. Just vent when you need to and know that we are all here to listen offer support. We know exactly what you are going through!<p>hugs,
VE

Hi folks,<p>Spent some time driving around and thinking today. Thought about what VE had to say and her questions. I've thought about those same things many times while W was here, but it's different when you do it alone. I know it was very difficult for her when she first moved here, especially the first six months, and looking back on it we did go through a rocky patch for about a year or so. Not rocky in the sense that things were falling apart, but in the sense that we could feel things weren&#8217;t as they should be. I also realised that I wasn't as supportive as I should or could have been. I suppose there were times when she needed me and I wasn't fully there for her. I should have held her more, should have comforted her more. I can certainly see that I've had a role to play in all of this, and that tortures me.<p>What I still find difficult to grasp is where it went from an undercurrent in an otherwise happy marriage to, to her having a fling, the marriage almost ending, getting together again, and then her walking out without any warning whatsoever. Everything came out of the blue, but especially her walking out. She promised me in may last year that if she had any problems she would tell me about them first, she didn't tell me a thing.<p>The last time she left, I could see it tortured her, but this time it's been cold and calculated. And that's what scares me. I love her with every fibre of my being, she is my heart and soul, but where do I go from here. Do I respect her wishes and not call (and let her drift away?), do I call and end up giving her all control even though she has done something wrong (and lose her respect?). Do I send a V day card, but then what to say? I love her and want to spend my life with her, have children with her, but will I ever be able to trust her again....And what if, as she says, she doesn't love me....<p>So many questions, but I'm afraid no answers.<p>Thank you all, you have no idea how good it is to be able to talk....it helps ease the pain

Just need to talk....<p>It's been a rough night. I look forward to sleeping so I can get this out of my head, but all that happens is that i end up dreaming about her. When I wake, it's with a huge sense of relief because I think "thank God, it's all been a horrible dream, she's right here". Then I roll over to hold her, and then the pain comes back.<p>The little things hurt...I went grocery shopping yesterday and ended up picking up a ready meal and tried to get out of the store in 30 secs flat. When we used to go together we would spend ages in there picking up new foods to try new recipes, we loved to cook. Nearly every time we had dinner we would turn off all the lights and just light candles.<p>When I got home from work late, she would nearly always have all the lights off, and just tons of candles around. The house is so empty without her...<p>I even miss the stupid cat always getting under my feet...<p>So many little things that nade our life together special have gone.<p>Sorry, my heart is heavy, and tears never very far away. Just needed to get it off my chest before I went to work.<p>Hugs, R<p>[ February 10, 2002: Message edited by: risk ]</p>

Oh, write to her. Send her cards and letters. Tell her that you miss her and want to be with her and want to understand how things got to where they are. Maybe she meant it when she said not to contact you, but by now she's wondering if you ever cared at all to just let her walk away without trying to get her back. <p>The best thing that could happen is that she opens the lines of communication. The worst thing is that you hear nothing and have no insight and stay exactly where you are. Even hearing from her that she meant it and it's over would probably be better than that. But you won't know until you try.

Hi Risk,<p>Sorry I couldn't reply to you earlier this weekend, mate! Wish I could have been in a position to log and be there to offer encouraging words.<p>Your pain - my GOD do I know what you're going through! I know, you probably don't want to hear this right now, but it DOES get better. You will heal because you have no choice. Yes, grocery shopping stinks. I, too, have walked the dreaded Meals-For-One aisles in Sainsburys and on more than one occassion, have burst into tears. It's understandable and totally natural. <p>I guess I'm wondering what kind of support you have at the moment? Any friends or family who know about what is going on and are helping you cope? The hardest thing for me to do, right after D-day, was to call my friends and ASK them to come over and just sit with me while I cried. Difficult to do, but I'm so thankful I did it. I could not have gotten through this without the love, caring, compassion and general Rock Of Gibraltar attitude of the people around me. They brought me food. They dropped in on a regular basis to check on me and listened to me vent, scream and cry. Powerful and necessary. <p>The memories will haunt you, yes. But over time, you will smile and be hopeful and look forward to your healing. You have to trust this. You also have to go through this process. It sucks, but it's natural. <p>Keep reading and keep posting!<p>VE

Hello all,<p>Charynne, thanks for the advise. There is nothing more I would like than to speak to her and ask her how things came to be this way. Trouble is, the last time this happened (right after her Mexico trip), that is exactly what I did. I shed all inhibitions, and bared my Soul to her. I've always written her love letters. But I got the feeling last time round that she thought I was weak for doing this. I am not. In every aspect of my life I am strong and independent, I have a job that demands professionalism and have had to work extremely hard achieve my dreams. Professionally, I have success. I'm not saying this to say what a great success story I am, but to try and explain that when it comes to her, she is my all - and she knows that. So when I go to her (after everything she has done), I feel she loses respect for me. I think in her mind my love for her makes me weak, that she can do whatever and I will still forgive her. That she can come back no matter what...That is why I'm reluctant to write to her at this point. <p>I've looked at plan A/B, trouble is how do you put plan A into action when she is not here and we have no contact. And if I go for plan B, then she may very well think I don't care....I'm sure many people have been in my situation, but this is new for me, and right now I'm a little lost. I'll think about what you said, thanks.<p>Hiya VE. Thanks for the words mate!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Yup Sainsbury's sucks [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . Don't worry about not posting, I know we all have lives outside this. As for friends and family, I'm afraid after moving house most of my friend are quite a ways away, and the ones around here are friends to both of us - so it's difficult for them. Family - mostly live in other countries - they are very supportive, but the advise generally seems to be "forget about her, she's done you wrong twice now, are you going to put up with this for the rest of your life?". Perhaps they're right, but it's not something I'm ready to hear right now. I KNOW the pain will get better, but that doesn't alter the fact that it may never be quite as good, maybe I found my soul mate (I do believe in that you know), but then again who knows what the future holds.<p> I still don't know....V card or not, e-mail or not, etc.. etc..<p>Anyway, thanks mate [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Cheers!<p>"May all your days be sunny"

Still absolutely no news of W.<p>Interesting day yesterday - had coffee with mutual friend of ours (let's call her Z). Wife had confided totally in Z while her little A was in progress. While having coffee, Z said that OM had been a total sh*t to W. While she was in the States (Beginning of 2000) and confused he had been sending all kinds of e-mails to her saying how she deserved to be happy, and that she shouldn't stay in a marriage just because she had taken vows etc... Seems W was torn between him and our marriage. This indicision (2 months, he lives in England) was too much for him and he simply stopped talking to her. W is an extremely beautiful woman, and according to Z he was simply taking advantage of her and trying to get into a sexual relationship. However, W has always said OM took the moral high ground, and "stepped aside" to allow our marriage a chance. She always spoke highly of him - "altruistic, loving, caring, etc...". From what I've seen and heard of OM, I tend to believe Z.<p>I do believe W had no contact with him over the last 7-8 months, but has found it difficult to get him out of her head, I think she truly believes she had a relationship with some great guy, not just somebody looking for sex who didn't care that he was destroying somebody's marriage. But then Z said W had sent her an e-mail a week or so ago(just a cartoon she forwarded), but amongst the list of people she had forwarded it to was OM's e-mail address....this is just two weeks after she walked out of our home. I really have no idea whether she has been in contact with him, or whether she is just sending e-mails to people and including him to let him know she is still around. I am scared for her if they get in touch, since I believe him to be destructive and simply using her - I know he will hurt her. Also it will destroy whatever chances (if any), we have of resolving our problems.<p>Like I said, it's been over 3 weeks now since she left with no word from her or her family....I am lost, hurt and confused. Life is on hold.<p>Any suggestions greatly appreciated.<p>R

Hi, anybody out there with any suggestions/comments/advise? Right now absolutely unsure of what to do. All greatly appreciated.<p>R

Well, I&#8217;m afraid that&#8217;s it....<p>My W has been a way for a month now with no contact by her or her family. Finally I couldn&#8217;t take it anymore and called her Mother yesterday. During a ten minute conversation, I must have got about 5 words in edgeways - she freaked on me. She said I had been cruel to my W, that I had hurt her deeply, that she had been trying for the last year to fix our relationship, but I only tried for a couple of months etc.. etc.. This was all news to me. I know we were having trouble recovering from our previous problems, and things were not always great, but she told everyone we were doing fine and were optimistic. We were both guilty of some poor behaviour over the last year, but mainly through frustration - we wanted our love back.<p>Anyway, it turns out that W has moved away to another city and is starting again. She is very hurt and angry (her mother says she is &#8220;totally over you and moving on&#8221 [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] , she has told everyone not to let me know where she is or what her phone number is. Although her mother is very controlling and volatile, there is no smoke without fire, and my W has obviously told her all these things, and obviously feels that way.<p>So that&#8217;s it folks, my Marriage is over and I will probably never hear from my beautiful W again. What a waste of something that was SO good. Thank you all for your support and kind words. Goodbye and good luck.<p>R

Hello, it's been five or six days since I last posted and I know that I am not even close to being ready to give up on our M. I e-mailed W after speaking to MIL, just a nice mesage saying that I hoped everything was well with her and that she was doing fine. I told her there were some things we needed to sort out and could she please call me (I said there would be no recriminations and no relationship talk). Also said that if she never planned to speak to me again, could she please e-mail me back so that I could begin to make my own plans.<p>At the same time, e-mailed MIL and told her I was very sorry for any hurt I may have caused her family, and wished her the best of luck for the future. It's been 6 days now and I haven't heard a word from either of them...<p>I simply don't know what to do. Do I just sit here and wait, or try and make contact again? The not knowing is killing me. My emotions have been running from "OK let's move on" to anger to absolute and utter sadness. But through it all I do know that I love her more than anything, and just want her back in my arms again - I can't believe that she can walk out like this and not even look back. Please help...<p>R

Hi Risk,<p>I seriously have no idea what advice I could give in your situation. I admit, it seems rather unique in the sense that your W won't even acknowledge an email. From what you described of the email, it was full of Plan A and you only made a few small requests that certainly weren't unreasonable. <p>I wish I had some insight into what was going on with your W, but I don't. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I can only offer you advice and that is to take care of yourself!. I know exactly how you're feeling and I know it's not nice. Have you considered going into counselling on your own to deal with all the hurt and frustration?<p>I would also say to keep emailing her. Not everyday, of course, but maybe once a week. Remind her, in a loving way, how much you miss her and love her. Maybe let her know that you are aware of what role you played in the marriage to make her unhappy (that is, providing you know what that may be). Again, it's so difficult to give advice when she has disappeared and you haven't a clue as to what is going on. <p>Regardless, I am so very sorry for what you are going through. You're in my thoughts, mate. Hang in there and keep posting. I don't always have time to respond, but I'm always reading!<p>hugs,
VE

My God, I am so sorry for you, I don't have a whole lot I can offer you, but your story struck a cord in me. You have done all you can here, and as much as it hurts I think it's time for you to move on. There is so much more greatness and believe it or not love coming to your life, you just hold on. As for your wife, I have no words, she seemed to be confused for awhile and I almost gathered from your post that she was being controlled by her mother, but the fact that she has moved away from them and still has made no attempt to contact you kinda puts the period at the end of the sentence. I hope you can finally move on with your life, you deserve so much more. I can see between the lines that you are a good person, and I wish you all the best. My prayers to you. It's time to concentrate on yourself, and doing things you enjoy and that will make you feel better, seek some counseling, find a hobby, just do something to put your mind in a different place where it is not always free to be consumed with thoughts about her. I am not up with the MB principles but I'm sure someone here can direct you to some info that will help you come out of this place you are in. Good Luck to you.<p>Bridgette

Hi ve - It is difficult, no one seems to be able to make any sense of it. And in a lot of ways that's what really hurts, the not knowing. If I had something definite, at least i would have something to deal with. Right now I don't know. I've pretty much figured out my faults in this situation, but the problem is I can't do anything about anything until she is prepared to at least talk. She hasn't even given me the chance to say goodbye...
Thank you for your thoughts.<p>Hello Bridgette. It has crossed my mind too that this is it, that there is nothing more for us. I just don't know if I'm ready to face up to that - it terrifies me. I haven't only lost my W, but also my best friend, my lover and my partner in life. You&#8217;re probably right in what you say, but it just seems so unfinished - there's no closure. I went to work a married man with a beautiful wife, and came home to find it all gone. It almost feels like she's died. I don't have any explanations. I'm sure the time will come when I wake up and actually look forward to the day ahead, but right now I just need her in my life a little longer.<p>R

Hi Risk!
When I read your post I thought you were me!
My W did the exact same thing your's did. Sucks doesn't it?
I still have many unanswered questions but I know she's seeing someone from an internet chatroom she met while we were together.
We're not in different countries but she moved hours away so contact is impossible. I don't even know her phone number.
She left the same way, I get home from work to an empty house with her things gone and a very cold note. I can't even describe how I felt. Called her mother but she wouldn't tell me a thing. Just that W doesn't want contact with me anymore. No help whatsoever.
I haven't seen or heard from my wife who I love as much as you do yours since early December 2001.
With the exception of one e-mail asking if the tax return has arrived. I did plan A for six weeks, via e-mail. How else could I? I am firmly on plan B now and holding strong. It hurts like hell but I'm tired of being a doormat, even to the woman I cherish. She is so wrapped up in the OM that anything I say will do no good.
I think you are in the same situation as me. I've decided to better myself. I've realized I didn't meet all of my wife's EN's. I'm working on improving myself. For the next special lady that may appear in my life.
I'm learning that there really is a time to let go or you're going to tear yourself apart. It's not healthy.
She's gone man. You know what? When you meet someone else, and you will, believe it or not. You will be MUCH wiser. Not only about your own behavior but how to gauge your spouse's feelings.
My biggest lesson learned was to NEVER take your W for granted!Big time mistake.And definitely pay attention and REALLY listen to the things she tells you.
Best of Luck to you,
Mike

Hi Risk!
When I read your post I thought you were me!
My W did the exact same thing your's did. Sucks doesn't it?
I still have many unanswered questions but I know she's seeing someone from an internet chatroom she met while we were together.
We're not in different countries but she moved hours away so contact is impossible. I don't even know her phone number.
She left the same way, I get home from work to an empty house with her things gone and a very cold note. I can't even describe how I felt. Called her mother but she wouldn't tell me a thing. Just that W doesn't want contact with me anymore. No help whatsoever.
I haven't seen or heard from my wife who I love as much as you do yours since early December 2001.
With the exception of one e-mail asking if the tax return has arrived. I did plan A for six weeks, via e-mail. How else could I? I am firmly on plan B now and holding strong. It hurts like hell but I'm tired of being a doormat, even to the woman I cherish. She is so wrapped up in the OM that anything I say will do no good.
I think you are in the same situation as me. I've decided to better myself. I've realized I didn't meet all of my wife's EN's. I'm working on improving myself. For the next special lady that may appear in my life.
I'm learning that there really is a time to let go or you're going to tear yourself apart. It's not healthy.
She's gone man. You know what? When you meet someone else, and you will, believe it or not. You will be MUCH wiser. Not only about your own behavior but how to gauge your spouse's feelings.
My biggest lesson learned was to NEVER take your W for granted!Big time mistake.And definitely pay attention and REALLY listen to the things she tells you.
Best of Luck to you,
Mike