Ive never been before. <p>I want to prepare, what gets discussed. How does the process work.<p>NE1 whose been, please let me know.<p>Thanks

be very careful, some counselors are awful... read the marriage counseling advice in the counseling section of this website... I have stuff to do, sorry, work, so my reply is short.. I'm sure there will be more advice, but definitely read the counseling section of this site.<p>HONEY

Here is an article about how to find a good MC.. it also talks a little bit about what to expect.
MC'ing isnt teribly uniform as far as I can tell.
There are pastoral counselors and other types. Try to talk to the person first to see if he/she is someone you can communicate with.<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7100_counselor.html

I kind of liked my counselor (individual) and kind of didn't. I was able to tell her things but, she concluded our sessions some short, which bothered me (don't know if it's standard to promise and hour and go 45 min.) And we also had some key issue differences, but it still helped a lot.
I prepared notes before I went to make the most of my visit. I listed my personal history, and my questions for proceeding through my life. Your counselor will probably ask some history and then, "What's the problem." To have notes to work from is helpful. You don't need to list your H's side, having your notes will help steer the conversation, as well as your MC. Tell only your side of the story and be very polite (and when you go home, practice the same behavior.) I learned that I had a heightened awareness when others were around and that if I maintained that at home, things could change. If your H interrupts, let him. If you do, apologize. Tell things from your perspective but use "I think...", "I feel...", etc. Don't say things like, "He always...", "He never..." This is what they will tell you to do anyway and you'll get a jump on it. If you've taken the questionnaire, take it with you. That may save time and money. Try to think back to when he started going his own way and the part you may have played in it. If you want to make this work, I would suggest being ready to apologize for what you feel is your fault. Be ready to deeply consider anything he feels was your fault and apologize when you're ready. Apologizing should be done only when you feel ready to commit to not doing that particular thing again. All of this is my experience, and may not necessarily apply to you and your H. <p>On a personal note, are you going to counselling? If so, I think that's great. I am very glad. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I hope this all works out. I know you are under great stress just from being preg. Try to keep those hormones out of the picture. That's a hard one even when you're not preg. But, a WM doesn't want to deal with a hormonal wife. Although, it does sound like he wants to be your refuge by offering to be there during your abortion. Let him, if you can. That may make him feel like more of a man to you and help boost his ego where you are concerned. (just my 10c. worth.)

Duh...you said you had an appt before all this garbage came out, huh? Sorry. And about the hormones...I was a basket case with my son. I cried a lot...FOR NO REASON!! Funny commercials would make me cry. I think it was anxiety. That was hard for me because I have depression and I always found a reason to cry. Anyway, that's not what I'm talking about. If you feel like crying, go ahead. But, don't let the rage get you. Try not to seem lazy. Find a girlfriend (or us) to complain to. Try hard to meet his needs, things he's asked for in the past if you can't get him to take the questionnaire. For domestic support, try FlyLady.net. It may help you to save time on housework, so you have more energy for other things, or more time to rest. I'm sorry this is so long. Take care of you and then you can take care of your baby and your H.

Hi Scared,<p>I've been to MC twice in my life. The first time was after my W's first affair, the second time was after her next one. I didn't prepare, I just went. I let it happen as it was supposed to.<p>Both sessions started by the MC asking what the issue was. My W looked at me and said, well he has a problem let him explain. Both times I said exactly what I was feeling and why. Whilst I was doing this, I looked my W right in the eyes. I didn't want her to miss a thing. Not even the tears rolling down my cheeks. It was damned hard, but I said what I wanted to.<p>best advice I can give is, don't prepare, go with an open mind.<p>- Freddy