My husband told me in November that he was having an affair. I was starting to get suspicious(sp). Then he promised me it was over. I found out it was still going on, and got her work number from his wallet. I then called her, and confronted her, she said it wasn't over. That she loved him. So off and on I would find out, he would say it was over. It never was however. She even tried to end it , and he would talk her into it again. She is 17 years younger than him. I had spoke to her many time trying to tell her he was using her, that he was still with me, ect....One time we even talked to her together to end it. It never ended. I found pictures, letters, gifts. His family all found out.
It has been so hard, once again I found out that they were seeing each other. I called his work for 2 hours and he never answered his phone. So I went to her apt,and he was there. She called our house last night, and spoke to both of us telling us it was over. She was furious that I called her mother.
I must tell you I called her mother. I felt like someone needed to get on her from her side. Someone to make her feel bad, and talk sense into her.
I just don't know what to do. He won't go to confession, or talk to our priest. What should I tell him we should do. He is just very angry, and quiet now. He said he won't go to counseling, he won't do anything now.
Should I be patient? How will I ever know it is over. She did tell us that she was sending back this ring he bought her. I just feel so abused and hurt. I just want to crawl into a ball, and not think about it anymore. I know it won't go away ever though, my mind and heart are stained. I don't want to plan B, he might never return. He is ver close to his family, they have helped us some. Is it worth it. Oh we have 5 children, been married for 18 years. Otherwise he is a good man. She has acouple kids, and separated. Just makes me sick..... Any advice, how to recover, what to do.... Sorry so long...

meara,<p>Welcome to MB. Please learn as much as you can, you will find a lot of links on my signatures below, please spend time to go through them. Learn about MB basic concept, EN, LB, LB$, plan A/B. It seems that you want to save your M. Yes, I am sorry that your M is tainted w/ infidelity but learn MB, you will see that many had traveled this road and successfully rebuild their M. Read also SAA.<p>Stop intefering with your H's A. Even A is stop, you will have a problem of getting your marriage back. The road to recovery is very narrow. Do plan A and start conseling w/ MB if you could afford it.<p>Meanwhile post here for questions and updates, read other post to see that you are not alone.

((((((( Hugs for you! ))))))))<p>Read everything you can get your hands on and start Plan "A"ing! Do this for as long as you can! Don't start plan "B" yet, I think it's too soon.<p>My heart goes out to you! I have been where you are and can offer you the fact that there is hope! I felt like giving up many times. The man that my husband was during his affair was not him! I will never regret holding out!! I know have my husband back and we are happier than ever and have a much healthier marriage!<p>Pray!! God is awsome!<p>You can do it! Come here for support!!<p>Le

We have all felt the excruciating pain and the confusion, along with all of the other feelings you could possible feel. We will all support and help you. Someone told me that giving advice would also help me, it has done wonders. Keep your head up and remember you have every God given right to fight for your marriage...no matter what anyone says!

Thank you all for your kind advice. She did drop off a letter to me this morning. Reasuring me that it is definatly over. She talked to her mother, and a priest. She sees it for what it was now, and will never have contact with him. Surprising enough she told me that my husband told her last time they talked that he could not go on either,he told her it was over too. I am just trying not to think of the lovely way they put it to each other. It makes me sick that somone elese could love my husband, and he would return that love. I know I must not think of this. She told me that I was strong,and our marriage must be worth saving.
Anyway I know this is just the most horrible thing I have ever been threw. I now want to get over it, and heal. My husband just wants to not talk about it. So I am not sure if I can get him to counseling now. I will just keep coming here, and going to my counselor. I will do my part. Has any of your husbands responded to counseling this way, then changed their mind? He was a good man, I just want that man back. I just have too many questions in my mind. I am trying to understand it all, yet I just don't know.
His family is so sick that he continued it all. Any suggestions on how he can help then see, of know that it is for real this time? They thaught it was over in November. News travels fast in a big family. Especialy one as close, and religious as this one. Thank you.

meara,
Your H is in withdrawal, just be there for him and keep plan A'ng him. When he is ready he will come to you and open up. It will take sometime so be patience. I am glad that the A is over. After withdrawal phase you could start recovery of M.
God Bless you.