While reading through the thread on why people stay married I noticed several answered "love". Just out of curiosity I thought I'd pose the question to everyone here, what is love?

JC,
I think being in love, not just loving, is what people are staying married for. My definition of being in love is when you can't imagine not having a certian person in your life. It's when you hurt simply because they are hurting. When you think of them before yourself. When you want only the best for them & will help them & stand behind them to achive it.When you hear some sappy love song on the radio & think of them & how much you love them. I think when your in love you feel it, thru your whole body. And when people feel that way towards one another, they show it. They do without so the other person can have/do what they want/need. I really don't think when 2 people are in love that they could end up in the situation we all find ourselves in. Like they say "ain't love grand?" Yes it is. I lost it once, but now I have it back & I plan on working hard to keep it this time!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

For me its feeling my tummy flip as i hear H car in the drive after a few days working away.
Its the warm glow of contentment after SF.
The feeling of wanting to spend time just with him alone doing nothing in particular.
Its the look in his eyes when he looks at me, turns me weak at the knee's.
The pure pleasure of being in H's company even after all these years.
Dont know if that means love, but it does to me.
Liz<p>(some of the above is missing due to H absense and fog sigh)

Originally posted by Sing:<p>
VERSE:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it
is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Ah well being the blindly in love guy I think as I was refered to I guess Ill answer. I'll be brief.. (for me anyway)<p>My definition. Love is the feeling of affection, wanting to be with someone, wanting to do things to make the other happy. Love is caring about someone's feelings. <p>Love can grow from actions or words. Things meeting someone's ED's as Harley puts it.
Love can be given. It can be a decision. You can decide to grow love someone. (this does not mean it can be turned on or off like a lightswitch) <p>Love can grow, decrease or die out. It depends what it is based on and how much time, care and committment are put into it. <p>Love is like faith. I used to ask myself if my wife can fall back in love with me, same as she asks me. My answer is this can a person who is without faith or who has lost faith find God? Yes. For some it can be quick, others it takes time, commitment and much soul searching.<p>I can keep going if you like =)<p>Now, time for Webster's definition. (which isnt half bad)<p>a(1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers
(3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>
b : an assurance of love <give her my love>
2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
3 a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration <baseball was his first love> b
4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others b : a person's adoration of God<p>[ February 11, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>

Here's another thought - whats the difference between love and an addition to a person? (that we may love?) [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

I don't know what it is. I have a hard time putting a finger on it myself.<p>As far as my husband goes, I guess it's listening to him (try to) sing in the shower every morning. It cracks me up. Watching him eat chocolate cake with his hands. The way he holds out son on his lap and reads to him. When my husband throws one arm over me and nearly suffocates me with a bear hug when he finally comes to bed. He's a funny man--and cute, too. <p>I know this doesn't answer your question. I don't believe in love in first sight or karma or anything like that-- true love is something you do, and after you do it, you feel it.

Well, here is a copy of an email discussion I had with my Al-Anon sponsor about love. She asked me some tough questions, questions that I wasn't able to answer until I had reached a point where I was ready to divorce my H.<p>Maybe this will help, take what you like and leave the rest!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
Sponsor> In one of my classes, we had a spirited debate on love. Is love an emotion or is love an action?<p>BR> Right now, I would have to define love as: A choice, supported by actions that form the emotions.<p>Sponsor> I have shared with you my definition of love; a combination of qualities having to do with respect, admiration, compassion, character, affection, intimacy, appreciation, cooperation, honor and sacrifice.<p>BR> I think that when someone makes a choice, that the above qualities should be the factor. But I know lots of people that I admire, respect, and have all of the above abilities and qualities, and I don't romantically love them.<p>But for a love *relationship* to exist, these things must be present.<p>Sponsor> Like you, I had to come to a place where I could learn to separate the emotion from the action. I can say now (with 20/20 hindsight) that what I called love "then" was more about promise, potential, fantasies, illusion and desperate dependencies.<p>BR> I would agree, that what I have been feeling was/is based on exactly those things, BUT, as I have learned, that I was not totally crazy - there was a natural reason for WHY I did feel those things - it wasn't totally made up in my own fantasy and dependency.<p>Sponsor> Is love an action or an emotion? Hmmmm......Harder to answer than what it first appears!!<p>BR> I think love is both.<p>Sponsor> Can I feel love towards someone and yet not act with respect, admiration, compassion, character, affection, intimacy, appreciation, cooperation, honor and sacrifice towards them?<p>In the "old days" I might have said yes - to justify their actions or my own. Today, I would have to say no.<p>BR> No. If you love someone, it would be impossible to treat them without those things.<p>Sponsor> Because if that is not how I am treating another (actions) then most probably I do not really love (emotion) them. One goes hand in hand with the other and cannot be separated. For love (the emotion) creates loving (the action.)<p>BR>Hmmm...<p>I know that my actions toward my husband have reflected my emotions. I can honestly say that the last few months have given me an opportunity to prove that I can do those things.<p>He unfortunately, interprets my actions in the most crazy, negative fashion. But his truth does not have to be mine, and it is enough that *I* understand that my motivations were benign, and done with love.<p>This is what I have learned about love:<p>The emotion, as Steve Harley explained to me, is based on action. And the emotion feeds the actions. So yes, they can't be separated. <p>But there first must be a choice. Then action. Then emotions.<p>BUT this is in a love *relationship* where there is mutual cooperation and decision. As Steve told us, first one must decide to love.<p>Then you ACT according to the rules, based on respect, integrity, cooperation and honor. AND, you do your best to avoid disrespect, anger, dishonesty, etc. AND, you do your best to ACT in a manner that best pleases your partner (filling emotional needs).<p>If you have ACTED successfully, then your partner (assuming your partner has made the same decision) will begin to FEEL romantic love. And if your partner is cooperating by doing the same for you, you too will begin to feel those emotions.<p>And I have heard from various individuals that their experience has been that although their spouse was ACTING beautifully, they were unable to love their spouse until they decided to ACT also in reciprocation.<p>So you get only what you give....<p>And as romantic love grows, then your loving actions become natural, no longer a decision, but a natural outgrowth of your emotion of love and desire to protect your spouse from harm at all costs, as you would yourself.<p>
Sponsor> Is what you are feeling really so weird? Or is it just more healthy? <g><p>BR> It's just weird to feel healthy!! <G><p>Sponsor> What do you think? Is love an emotion, an action or both? (I KNOW you love these philosophical discussions!!!)<p>BR> Heehee, yes I do.<p>I think that in my case of "unrequited" love - it was because, 10 years ago, I made a decision and a vow to love my husband. Never had I changed that decision. And because he did do things that on the surface, seemed to fill my emotional needs, I was able to continue as long as I did (healthy or otherwise). I also put alot of action into my decision to love, and so I suppose it is natural that I got something out of it. I never understood that the fulfillment I was getting from it was because of ME, not him.<p>Part of the reason I was so easily sucked into the illusion was that I had never experienced real emotional fullfillment. So the illusion felt real.<p>So this is basically how I understand it. And Steve helped me to understand that a successful marriage meant that I got to have my own needs cared for by someone else. Spending the time that I have at the Marriage Builder's website has given me alot of understanding into what love and marriage really mean. And my own held up in comparison was so shallow.....<p>So, even though my attempt to reconcile with husband has failed miserably, I WON!! And then, when I "learned the lesson", God let me let go of him....
<hr></blockquote><p>And that folks, is my definition of love [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Happy early Valentines Day! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Hummmmm,
that is a good question. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] to me LOVE is standing by the one u love when there down as well as up. allways having a ear to listen to whatever they have to say,weather its none inportant to u. respecting them, giving un devided attition when needed. trying to fullfill every need they may have. i could go on and on but i won't. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

I'm not sure if I know what "love" is at this point in my life. I thought I did. This is what I do know:
My Wife is the most important person in my life. When anything good has happened to me in my life I did not enjoy it until I shared it with her. All the things I have ever wanted out of life seem to mean nothing if she is not here to share them with me. If I was to win the lottery tomorrow, it would be hollow without her to share in what it could bring US. I hurt when she hurts. If something makes her feel bad then I too feel that pain. Just being with her brings me comfort and peace of mind. When she is gone my life is full of confusion and uncertainty.<p>Is that love? I don't know. I just know she is leaving and my world will never be the same. <p>This is my first reply to a post and I have not posted my story as of yet. I have been "lurking" on these boards for a little over a month now and they have been a lifesaver. I feel like I know many of you and I guess I'm at the point where you will get to know me as well. No offense but I wish I had no reason to know any of you or to even be here.

Bramble Rose,
Thanks for the discussion with your alanon sponsor. It was enlightening.<p>Recently, I found my diary from my 2nd year in college, the year I met my now WH. It was AMAZING! We started out as friends, having some great conversations. When he kissed me for the first time, I was surprised but I liked it! I relived all those old feelings as I read.<p>Oops - have to go but will post later<p>I was also at the end of another relationship & had a hard time letting go. (good insite for me as the BS)

There is no defination for love...it just is.

Hell if I know! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I try not to think about it and I try not to believe in it anymore. I don't think what I thought it was exists or at least is not available for me, so better to just give up the dream.<p>Maybe this is the only answer: God is love.<p>And maybe that's the only place to find the real thing.