when does anger usually hit? ive been on this rollercoaster ride of emotions for 2 months-some ups some downs. lately way more ups. i guess we're in recovery about a month. i havent gone into anger-i felt all the others-sometimes way more than i ever wanted-but something happened this morning and it scared me. i was in the bathroom getting ready for my 3 separate doctors apt.(getting prodded from head to toe today-yippie)when my husband came in and was getting ready for a shower. i noticed that he has put some weight on-he lost alot for his fling-and was really looking at his body-i all of a sudden felt ssoooooooo angry that he would cheat on me! i wanted to hurt him. now that he knows im staying i hope he doesnt think i want the great body, new clothes etc. that he was willing to give her. i just wanted to do something like hit him in the head. i didnt of course-im sure that would be some kind of luv-bust, so i just went to the bathroom and flushed. oh-well. is this normal to have felt no anger and all of a sudden have it pop up? im also a little nervous because one of the docks gave me a hormone shot that makes me nuts under good circumstances. am i in for worse????? please let me know your thoughts.

I'm 8 months into recovery and having alot of anger.<p>And yes, it shows up very suddenly and overwhelmingly.<p>I think that the more secure the recovery starts to feel, the safe it is to feel the anger?<p>I don't know.

My anger started popping up after about 3 months and lasted until about a year after the affair. Not a constant anger but an occasional thing. After I blew up, I usually wouldn't feel angry for another month or so. <p>It would pop up at different times, usually triggered by some event. For several months I would explode or grill him whenever I had PMS. It's been about 16 months now and I rarely even think about it now, but I think that the anger is a very important part of recovery.

D-day was June 16, 01 and I was nothing less than hysterical. I cried for days. From there I got very calm and very quiet. I only got angry when he refused to admit anything and chose to play it off that I was imagining things. Real anger never entered into it for me and I don't really know why because I am a very volatile person. Maybe for me the pain and hurting overshadowed all the other emotions. I also learned that anger rarely solves anything. Just my useless 2 cents

HI, I think it is normal to get angry at him, and I am sure medications, esp. hormones can have that affect on you , or make it worse... when you feel angry... I have been several times talking to my spouse... about things... perhaps in bed... and he will mention something about ow, etc.. that really makes me upset... I mean mad... like wanting to punch him too! I actually started to pinch him the other day, when he said the ow, said I would never let them, and somehow he referred to them, as "us" and I jsut went balistic... I would never let them be happy, well hello, I am the wife.. ALso , he sd ow called me a monster...well that did not go over too well with me either... what else...<p>In the beginning I was balistic... and now I cry still a lot... I am calming down... but I am much more sad, and feel much more loss than I do anger... I too, wonder why I am not more angry at my H, maybe I love him too much... it is something I ponder.<p>I am glad you brought it up.. becuase I am doing good plan a , and not gettting real mad... but starting to think, eventually it will come out... and in the past.. I was way volatile... but maybe the antidepressants help calm the anger... I do not know... I am going to ask my counselor...<p>I am definitely thinking I am taking this way easier than I thought I could... it is more anxiety than anger for me... but that is calming as I busy myself... funny, I have more anger at the ow, than at him, and I should be mad at him!!!<p>Thanks for the topic, honey

Yep, out of the blue and smack in between the eyes. Makes you just want to go out there and pound some sense into their brain. All the while they are oblivious to what you are going through. <p>I show it and get real quiet. Give H that, hurt look and he can feel part of the pain. I am feeling great pain, full daggers cutting my heart. It hurts real bad sometimes. One of my triggers is when I do his laundry. He went to buy new underwear when he moved out. Hm..... what's up with that? He never cared before infact he would get mad at me when I bought him new and much needed clothes. Yet for the OW it needed to look good. YUCK!!! Makes me want to cut holes in his new stuff but I am too cheap to go out and buy new stuff. (not really cheap just very broke and this would not be a smart financial decision right now!!!! - LOL! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>So I understand. These episodes are like anxiety attacks. I think our body is still dealing with stress, just in a different way. <p>Hugz,
L.

Hello,
Anger can strike anyplace, anytime. Just out of the blue, it will creep up and whack! There it is-fullblown furyyyyyyy.
I am normally very animated, though not an angry person in general. But this whole affair thing made me into a nasty mean witch! I never knew I had it in me.
Be careful wehre you focus when the anger strikes, and be prepared.
Excellent question!

thank you all so much for the input-it helps. the thing is hes here-gave her up almost imediately-stop the pa as soon as i found out,thought they could be friends but that only lasted 2 weeks. he came to his senses immediately,so im lucky in the fact that my story isnt as deep a hurt as some of yours. he's doing everything right to repair the damage he caused. hes trying to meet en to the best of his ability right now. i guess im starting to feel weary-i want him to open up to me emotionally and talk but that is his big problem-counselor called him emotionally retarded to his face!-i guess even though i know he is really trying im expecting different reaction than what im getting-you know the whole im soooooo sorry, i was an idiot, please please please forgive me-all the remorse and begging. i just wish they could understand how imp. that would be to us. anyway i have to go to work-my 15 hr. day so ill be back to check this later- any further input would be great.