February 11, 2002
Steve,
It’s been a few weeks and I wanted to give you an update as I had to cancel future appointments, pursuant to W’s psycho-therapists recommendations, no pressure on her I represent pressure.
After our second session with you Wednesday January 16th things got out of control. I guess your sessions stir up a lot of emotions in both of us. Lets start on Monday the 14th, I’m planning A’ing and return her call at about 12:45PM, and she is outside of her office in her car having a panic attack. I calmly talk her down and assure her everything will be all right. She obviously is in a fragile state. On Tuesday, Daughter (5) is home sick from school and with W at work. At about 3:30PM W calls me and informs me she is going to the pediatrician. She calls again at about 4:30 and is on her way home with Daughter. She tells me she is struggling as she has known Daughter needed to got to the doctor for the last 3 weeks and hasn’t had the time to take her and couldn’t take time off of work. Then blames me for not taking her. This sets me off, and I said, “you wanted to be primary parental guardian, this is what it is, neglect doesn’t have to be malicious, this sounds a bit like neglect, doesn’t it?” She blames me. I ask “it’s, its my night where are you”. “I’m going home, and getting in bed with Daughter, I’m exhausted.” “But it’s my night, I said”. “Daughter needs her mommy and I need her she replies”. I went off, and she agreed to let me have her. I get to her house and she invites me in. I refuse, (I’m very uncomfortable there). She gets upset that I won’t come in and an argument in sues, I’m at her front door and she is screaming at me, about what I don’t know, but actually charges me at one point. I take Daughter and pick up Son at Daycare. <p>I call later to apologize, obviously emotions are high, from Steve H., I didn’t do a good job protecting you from me… <p>The next AM (Thursday) she calls me from her cell phone at 10:30 AM to see how Daughter is, I’m home with her for the day. Informs me she took the day off from work, can’t handle the stress. Hmmm, cell phone at 10:30 Am I wonder where she has been? <p>We start to talk about MB and the session yesterday. I thought it went well and she says it didn’t, gives Steve H 0% chance of saving marriage. Somehow she gets the conversation to OM. Informs me the in November (when she called me to work on M). He broke up with her, because of the kids, couldn’t handle them, in the way. But after a few weeks missed her enough to try it again. I go ballistic, (keep in mind she has lied to me about this and says she agreed to MB only for us to be friends). I tell her that if he can’t handle the kids, just wait until the next time he sees little Daughter and the choice things that come out of her mouth. What do you mean? You’ll see. “Don’t do this to her, them. I say you already are, you can but I can’t? Just wait, there will be additional pressures on him. This relationship will end one way of another. She says if I do that, I can have the kids and she will walk away. I said great put it in writing, I will if you put it in writing that you won’t do these things. Ha, I laughed. She hangs up. <p>Shows up at my door an hour later, I wont let her in, she begs me to come out. Is shaking, crying and has a bottle of zanax I gave her in November. She says, ready for this? What? Ready?, What? You win, I quite, get my affairs in order, I give up. I just want to sleep it off. I give her a zanax and put her to bed. <p>I called you and Aunt (PHD in psy). Call the psychotherapist, to schedule an appointment. Soonest she can see W is Friday. I spend an hour with the Therapist, on the phone giving her background, being as objective as I can. I set an appointment for W in the AM and one for me in the PM. <p>I knew I had to get her here, somehow, for the sake of the kids. No BS, I’ll be the bad guy, but as I told you early one, she needs help above and beyond MB. She acknowledged this in November with her father and asked him to find someone and pay for the help ( I found a psycho therapist), but when OM call her back, she did not act, using him as a drug instead of getting help. I knew I had to get her there, some how, some way. This is not what I envisioned, but it worked. <p>W, goes once a week, I have gone twice and she wants me to be “Mr. Clean”, which is plan A. I call he once a week. She is the first professional who gives MB any merit. And is very interested in MB. I’m spoon-feeding her. <p>I really don’t have much interaction with W, as Therapist wants me to keep distant. I represent pressure. Thus far she has confirmed 2 things about W I have known, co-dependency and W has created a kind dementia regarding our marriage). I suggested she is back with OM, and Therapist won’t say, but she doesn’t recommend it to clients in this situation. Therapist has informed me this will take a long time and to start thinking in terms of months and years. <p>Side note, I moved into a more permanent residence. And picked up things of mine that were at W’s. On the top of a box were the MB books, I asked. I guess this means you are finished with MB. W says, Absolutely, for now, maybe? <p>After leaving my second appointment with the therapist, I felt like I could get divorced now, that W was getting help and my kids would be OK, because of this. Don’t know where I’m going with this but will post it on MB board. No sure what I’m going to do, I still really mad at W, but when I think of reconciliation I get really mad (she is tainted), when I think of getting a divorce, I get calm ( she is tainted so by being divorced I don’t have to think about overcoming that emotion). I thought about attending this weekend seminar in Orlando, alone, but I have to go out of town to a convention.
I’m sure we’ll talk again.
Thanks for being there,<p>
J
