A thought came to me as I read some of the other bash the OP threads.<p>Remember that in most cases our WS is the OP to the OP's spouse. So they (the OP spouse) have those same feelings for our beloved WS as we have for their WS. It is easy to see only our pain but didn't our WS doing the same thing (seeing only their pain) part of what got most of us into this situation in the first place.<p>I was a bit disturbed by the drawing and quartering ideas but can understand them.<p>Our WS made a personal decision to inflict the pain that we are feeling. As my WS as stated many times "I didn't mean to hurt anyone when this all started". However, her and other WS actions usually have far reaching consequences not only on our families and us but on another person's family which include another BS who may be feeling exactly like we do.<p>It is easy to blame the OP and make them the bad guy/girl. The bottom line is our WS had a hand in the deception as well.<p>Do I feel sorrow that the my WS OP has expressed (via email right after no contact letter sent) that he was depressed, worried, not sleeping, sad, etc? Not in the least bit. Nor do I take great joy in that fact either. Do I want him to feel as badly as I did (I honestly don't think he does in my case)? I would be lieing if I said no. If he did would that be justice? Maybe. <p>I wish everyone well.

In the throes of an arguement once, I asked my husband if he ever once thought about Miss Kitty's husband. How did Mr. "D" feel to know that my husband was playing National Finals Rodeo with his wife at Motel 6 every weekend.<p>My husband spluttered, "Well, the last I heard, they were getting divorced" was all he could say.<p>"Gosh, I wonder why." I said<p>I think that this is the first that my husband ever started feeling guilty--not because of the destruction to our own marriage, but because of what he had done to poor Mr "D."

Bernzini<p>I know the feeling. My former WW has cried more tears (since she has been home) over how hurt the OM is that she came home and the destruction that they did to his family than I have seen her cry for me or for our family. She blames herself for the breakup of a 30 year marriage even though the OP wife didn't know she existed until 4 months after the D papers were filed (and 3 months after she left me to move there)<p>She assures me that she has cried plenty for us and for me especially right after she moved out. <p>Luckily the worst days seem to be over with.

Well I tried to stay away from that other thread. I mean, what good can it do?<p> I did want to say a few words on the comment that our WS is likely an OP to someone else and how that makes me feel.<p> I called OM #1 future wife and told her what the two of them had done. When she confronted OM and he finally confessed, she called me crying(I cried with her, and felt so bad for being the one to tell her). She wanted to know if I was going to hurt OM. <p> At the time I actually did not know. I wanted an apology from him or I fully intended to beat the sh*t out of him. I told her I was going to confront him and the rest would be up to him. I also told her I would completely understand if she felt the need to confront my wife. If she decided to beat the crap out of my wife I would not lift a hand. I meant that, so long as it didn't become life or death.<p> In the end, I never confronted OM. But OMs wife did confront my wife on the phone. My wife apologized for what she had done. That has been the end of it.<p> So, speaking only for myself, I truly beleive that these other BS have the same right to their feelings toward my WS as I, or any BS, have toward the OP. <p> The other BSes that my wife helped to create I have not contacted, nor will I. I don't EVER want to feel like I did when that girl called me crying, with her whole world broken. I have/am lived it. I hate the fact that I awakened that in someone else. Even if it was the right thing to do because she had the right to know.<p> jd

In my case the OW's husband was in an A. The OW went for a divorce. WS supported her through this. Her divorce came through in Feb 2001. WS and OW started their A in March 2001. The reason for A coming to light was that OW's, exH wanted to reconcile after their DV. He threatened to expose the A. <p>Since then I have discovered that OW's, exH, girlfriend had a baby. exH and girlfriend has now also moved in two roads away from WS and OW. exH has access to WS and OW house. I truly don't know what to make out from all this mess. Is exH still in love with his wife. I tried speaking to OW's, exH and he said that he was not happy about this A but that there is nothing he can do about it. He told me that WS will soon find our what type of women she was. So to me it seems that there is no pain from his side.<p>To me it seems that OW is on a rebound and using my H. She did not even deal with her pain and Dv yet.<p>I am waiting for A to die a natural death.