My husband wrote and sent a no contact letter to OW yesterday. He called me after he sent it to have me read. Not exactly what was in the book but it did get his point across. My question is where do we go from here. He is hurting very badly he still truely believes that he has lost the only REAL love he has ever had but doesn't want to lose his children so he let her go. He did say that they would probably clash in social settings because they both like to have their own way. They never got to know anything about each other that they didn't want revealed because it was mostly over phone and internet. They only met once. I have been being patient and I told him I understood that he was hurting and that I am sorry for that. I told him I love him and I am here if he wants to talk because I am also his friend. Let me know anything else that might help. Also, what do I watch out for. I realize that there is a really big chance that he will contact her again.

Hey lorisue,
Wow things have changed quite a bit. You've done an awesome job at standing up for yourself. I wish I could say it got easier now, but Im sure from readin here you know it gets tricky from here on as well. <p>Do your best to encourage conversation, meet his EN's if he will let you, be there to love support and protect him. Keep LB to a minimum if you cant cut them out. Also what is important is to do your best not to pressure. Make it "safe" for him to be with and talk to you about anything. Sounds like you have the idea anyway.<p>What to watchout for? Well there may be a bit of adjustment. Since he talked ot her on phone ad the internet watch for extended time spent or "sneaky" behavior. However of course try not to hover. If he is committed to recovery I wonder if he would disclose his pwds and let you filter the phone bills.<p>Anyway, there is plenty of time for that. <p>Keep up the good work, remember now PATIENCE & persistance are very important.

I am happy for you. Just remember about the withdrawl, my H is at home but on the fence...It is very difficult not to push him off!! I remembered something HH wrote to me...you have to play catch up with the love deposits...
Prayers and hugs

lorisue,
I haven't been here for a few days and it sounds as if you are making progress. Your H's thoughts sound like he's starting to see some of the drawbacks in his actions. That is a good FIRST step. The relapse part is definitly possible so you must be ready should that happen. I just hope he continues to look at things rationally. That's REAL hard when you are the WS. That comes from experience.
Brw
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by lorisue:
<strong>I have been being patient and I told him I understood that he was hurting and that I am sorry for that. I told him I love him and I am here if he wants to talk because I am also his friend. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Right now that is the most important thing you can do.<p>Your H said: They never got to know anything about each other that they didn't want revealed because it was mostly over phone and internet. They only met once. <p>If that's his definition of REAL love then he is still way deep in the fog...<p>He is likely to go thru withdrawal, which will be just as tough for you as it is for him...<p>Stick with what you are doing...love him and be his friend....<p>Good luck <p>E