I have to know. We've been trying to recover now for the last 5 months. We get along great there is no fighting, we are best friends but there is that lack of intimacy. My wife won't initiate sex, I seem to be the only one who actually wants sex. I still have images from the graphic e-mails that I had found upon discovery.<p>My question is... Is it normal this far into recovery to one day want things to workout and the next know that this is not what you want in a marriage and want to just end it? The flip flopping back and forth is driving me nuts.

I can understand how you feel about one day wanting things to work and then just feeling like it never will. I think it will just take time and as you are further in recovery than I am I don't have a lot of advice, but it just feels good to know that what we are going thru is normal. Yesterday I felt good about things, myself and being stronger and now today I feel very down again, I know it will get easier but I am an impatient person and want to fix things NOW! I am learning a lot about myself from reading and on this sight, and I would encourage you to read as much as possible. Sometimes I don't like what I see in myself but I know I also need to change certain behaviors. Have you checked out the book "divorce busting" it's very good and has a lot of common sense things in it to improve yourself and your marriage. Good luck, and hope you feel better. L.

dskef,<p>I can only speak from personal experience that the flip flopping is very common for us.10 months working on recovery. It is also driving me mad but I guess it is part of the process.
You are not alone.
Hang in.
Jim

Not much help I know, just hang on to the love that you have for her and keep at it. Eventually she will get there, I hope sooner thatn later as I know that it is hard.