hello folks:<p>I just can't trust what my wife says anymore and i think she is still with this other guy. is it me who is feeling this way or she is still with him. I just can't work anymore. This has taken a toll on my business and it looks like Iam going under big time.<p>everything seems to be falling apart. why did this have to happen? and i guess the answer is "that's life" but i keep asking myself why should i forgive and go on . just because i love my kids or i still love her. i don't know. i have ten million thoughts going to my head. I hate and i love. i forgive but cant forget. she lies and i look the other way. all this said, then what about me . Am i just a money making machine who works to pay the bills and provide shelter and security. and then she could have the other guy come in and reap the benefits of my life. I am sick.
This is a mental desease and it is the most devastating one because you feel and sense the reality of the hurt.you feel like you are in a cage and your loved one is sticking a knife into your body and sole and yet you have to put up with.can not do a thing!<p>I just don't know if we are all doing the right thing here ,to put up with the dishonesty and betrayal so that we could remain married. for the love of our kids we must bow to this monster that has punctured our sole and broke our hearts. <p>do you ever ask if your partner is worth this pain. did she(or he) really make a mistake? That is not a mistake!. I think we are just trying to justify the pain by rationalyzing the dishonesty of our partners. Are we really doing the right thing? <p>I am just sick by all the pain here it goes again: anger,frustration, sadness,loneliness, rage,hurt, betrayed, numbness,madness ,helpless, hopeless and tortured it goes on and on.....<p>never in my life i thought of being so negative and sad but here I am .
Broken and Out !
desparate for healing and mad at everything.
your comments are truely appreciated.
bleeding

The only one that has control over the way you feel.....is you.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> do you ever ask if your partner is worth this pain. did she(or he) really make a mistake? That is not a mistake!. I think we are just trying to justify the pain by rationalyzing the dishonesty of our partners. Are we really doing the right thing? <hr></blockquote><p>You BET! We've all asked ourselves this question...a million times.
BUT....guess what.....no matter what you do....stay with your W or leave your W....the pain will still be there. So why ask yourself if she is worth it?
It's not a matter of whether she is worth it or not....it's a matter of whether or not you want your marriage to recover or not.
It's your choice.<p>If it wasn't a mistake then what was it?
Do you think that your W had an A to hurt you intentionally.....NOPE! Sorry.....but of all the WS's out there....I don't think a one of them did it on purpose. <p>We are not trying to justify the pain....we can't do that. It's human nature to hurt when you are let down...lied to etc....especailly by the one person that has vowed to honor and cherrish you. Quit trying to figure out they why's and what nots and focus on working through it.....for yourself.
Anything that is done now....from this point on...is done for yourself....and your children.<p>Are you doing the right thing....that is the question. What is right for me....may not be right for you.<p>Please......sit down and think about things until you can't think about them anymore. You seem to be on the verge of making a decision when you aren't really in a position to.<p>I read your other post....and it sounds to me like your W is on the right track....but it sounds like you have more that you need to deal with before you can be on the right track.

Bleeding...
Sometimes I think the same exact thing, this week especially since I am feeling down.. maybe with v-day coming up.
However, think about this: You probably have to admit is is hard to think clearly when you are going through all those emotions. make sure you dont decide on something you may regret. <p>Slow down try yourbest not to thnk about things and calm down for a few days at least. talk if over with at least an individual counselor before you commit to anything.<p>Hope that helps, we are here for you<p>-HI

We all sure know how you feel. I remember crying and crying... couldn't stop... couldn't work... couldn't eat... couldn't take care of my kids...<p>The first two months was awful. Then I went on Celexa... and that plus time helped.<p>The next three months was focused on learning... learning about affairs in general... learning about relationships... learning about me... Plan A is what it referred to as here.<p>You will find you will grow stronger... I couldn't see it happening in April and May... I couldn't imagine going through this for six months... a year... two years... the pain seemed unbearable... the future bleak... but now, for me, it's been almost 10 months... I am staring the anniversary of d-day in the face and am dealin with 'trigger' season... knowing that these next few months are when the A started and when it was at its height.<p>But I have done my homework. I have read the books, I have started individual counseling... I prepared myself and grew stronger... that is the key... <p>You cannot control the A.
You cannot control your spouse.
You cannot control life.<p>You can only control YOU... your actions... your decisions... your thoughts... and you are only responsible for YOU.<p>When you do this and come to these realizations... the battle is not won, perhaps, but you certainly are better armed.<p>Cali

Please, please don't give up. The pain is hard, but it will ease with time. My d-day was 12/27/01 and I literally thought I would die from the pain. But I survived and became stronger. I did that in a variety of ways, anti-depressants, counseling, God and church and this site. The people here are wonderful and give good advice. Please don't make any hasty decisions that you will regret later. Concentrate on your kids and making yourself a better person. Fill out the EN questionnaire and get your wife to fill it out if she is willing. My WH and I found out a lot that way. I know the pain is crushing. Take one day at a time and when it is over thank God you made it through. <p>The choice is yours to make - be very careful you don't give up too soon. Don't let the pain rule your life. It will get better.<p>God bless you!!

Remember what I told you yesterday: You can get a D at any time. You do not have to remain in this M.<p>However, the pain will be there regardless of whether your W is there or not, so don't fool yourself into thinking there is an escape because there is not. The only way to get beyond the pain is simply to go THROUGH it. It is hell. You never knew something could feel so agonizingly and searingly painful.<p>If nothing else, you can think of me and some others here: This is the SECOND time I have had to live this nightmare! So, it could be worse, if that helps at all.<p>You have children with your W, so she will always be in your life. Even when your children are grown, there will be graduations, weddings, and grandchildren that you will both be a part of.<p>Face these realities and take a deep breath. These are things you cannot change, but you still have choices. There may not seem to be any attractive choices right now, but as someone's sig line says, you don't have to like the situation, but you can like yourself in it.<p>Table the M issues and decisions for now and take care of yourself. If you haven't consulted your doctor about antidepressants, start there. I avoided this for years, but I finally gave in during this latest unbearable crisis, and the medication has helped me keep my head above water so that I'm not drowning in the pain. Others here have been helped that way as well.<p>Then, picture yourself physically taking your head into your hands and pulling it away from watching your W and what she did or is doing and focus on you and your children and what you can do to make your everyday life better. Do something special and enjoyable each day. Care for yourself as you would care for a dear friend or sibling going though something like this.<p>It is better to wait until you are stronger before you make any life-changing decisions. Your wife already made a spontaneous decision that changed all of your lives forever. Don't make the same mistake. Only deal with those things you have to--your work, your children, yourself. Other things can wait until the pain flattens out some. You are in deep grief and in no condition to make sudden changes in your and your children's lives right now.<p>Just hang on to and reconnect with yourself for now. Hold on.

Priss, <p>For the record, my H did it on purpose to hurt me, and I think a lot of WSs do it for that reason.

hello everyone:<p>My special thanks to : Misspriss, Hangingin, Cali,Amh and Conqueror. you all have made me feel much much better. I am going to do exactly what you have told me and I am proud to have good people like yourselfs to guide me in the darkest days of my life.
god bless you all.
bleeding and thankful

Bleeding...
We do what we can because we care and know how much it hurts. We can write our words, but you are the one who has done all the effort. We're happy and proud that you working through it. Take pride in the fact that you are doing your best, something a lot of people can't say. It isnt going to be easy but you can do it!<p>Patience, love, time and commitment.
-HI

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> For the record, my H did it on purpose to hurt me, and I think a lot of WSs do it for that reason. <hr></blockquote><p>I guess I should have made myself more clear.
I was talking of all the WS's on this board that I've seen.<p>Why would you want to be with someone that would do something as having an A just to hurt you?
Being in the place that I am in right now....I know that I wouldn't stay with someone that did it to intentionally hurt me.<p>I don't think applies to bleeding anyway....his WS seems to be working her way through this....albeit in her own way.