Sorry this is so long but I have to get this out. <p>There are days when I feel like nothing can stop me and that it is only a matter of time before my WH will come home. Then there are days when I feel like no matter what I do or what I say things will never get better. <p>Well today I don't even know how I feel. I am so tired of all of this, but I am not ready to give up. I have been out of town on business since 2/3. I am in New York for seven weeks on a project for work. At the time that I was asked to work on the project and when I commited to do the project WH and I were not speaking. Near the end of November we started spending time together and things have really started to improve. WH initiated the contact with me after months of not speaking to me. OP is (was?) still in the picture, but he told her that he was spending time with me. I am not sure exactly what she knows or what he told her but she is not happy. <p>I was a real mess when I got on the plane to leave last Sunday. It did not seem like a good time for me to leave. WH and OP had gotten into an argument the night before and things were really not looking good for them (too bad). WH took me to the airport and I had a hard time getting on the plane.<p>I had decided that while I was gone I would send an e-mail every morning from work (Monday - Friday) and a card every Monday and Thursday. I go home every other weekend for two days the first time will be next Friday. I had decided that I would not call hom during this time. I figured the e-mails and card would tell him that I was thinking about him and I still love him and if he called me I would know he was thinking of me. He took me to the airport that morning and after I left I did not hear from him the rest of that day or the following day. <p>Then at 6:00 a.m. Tuesday (last week) morning he called. He then called Thurday morning, Thursday night, Friday night, Sunday night, Tuesday (this week) morning, Tuesday afternoon, Tuesday night and this morning. I guess he is thinking about me some. <p>The problem I am having is not knowing what ever happened with the fight he was in with her? Did they resolve things? Is it over? If it is, why wouldn't he tell me? When he calls he is very open with what he has been doing and it seems like he is keeping very busy. I wonder when he is having time to see her. <p>I can not stand the not knowing. I am going crazy not knowing what is going on. I know that I should not worry about the A and just let it die a natural death, but it seems like after all this time maybe it will never die. It has been 11 months since D-day. I am going crazy right now.

SF<p>At the risk of making this sound too simplisitic (and possibly being way off base) here are a coupleof thougts.<p>I think perhaps in his own way he istelling you that either the A is over or that you have become to be more important to him.<p>If he is filling you in on the details of what he is doing and calling etc...maybe that's his way of acknowledging that it is over or dieing w/o just coming out and saying so.<p>My suggestion would be for you to kind of play it cool on the A. Don't ask...don't pressure and don't push....<p>I know it is hard to do but just try to be patient...you have been very patient to this point....right?<p>Good luck <p>E

You are in what sounds like a promising position...if you really want to know, (sometimes we so and then we don't), just let him know if and when he is ready to talk about what has happened to you two and where to go from here, that you are there for him. That way he is offering the info and you aren't asking him. If that doesn't work you will probably just have to ask. Something like...I know that you are husrting from the troubles that you are having with OW, but I need to know for myself, exactly where you and I are going. Just a thought...could be wrong...

Elad, Thanks for the reply. I know that after 11 months of this I should know what to do, but sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else. <p>I heard my WH tell me so many times in the beginning not to have any hope that sometimes it just seems like I really don't have any. Even when something happens and one of my friends say "that's great" I look at it and think what is really going on. It seems like I can look at someone else's story and see the positive, but for some reason I always see the negative in my situation. I guess it is my way of protecting myself in case it doesn't work. I just have to be very careful not to let my WH see how I feel. I try to be very upbeat and happy with him and really it is not hard as long as I am talking to him or with him, but the minute I am left to my own thoughts and vises, I question everything.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by SinkingFast:
<strong>It seems like I can look at someone else's story and see the positive, but for some reason I always see the negative in my situation. I guess it is my way of protecting myself in case it doesn't work. I just have to be very careful not to let my WH see how I feel. I try to be very upbeat and happy with him and really it is not hard as long as I am talking to him or with him, but the minute I am left to my own thoughts and vises, I question everything.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>SF---
We are all in that same position....a year from d-day for me tomorrow and I am still not sure what's going to happen. And it is easy to think the worst...<p>That's what it helpful aboutthis forum is that sometimes someone a little detached fromt he situation can see thing differently...<p>I hope things work well for you...<p>E

Faith, I love you name by the way. Thanks for your thoughts. I can't begin to count the number of times I have read on here that this is the hardest thing the BS has ever been through. HOW TRUE. But, no matter how hard it has been at least I can say I am a better person from it. I think everyone here, regardless of WS or BS, can say that. Just throwing the issue out here helps me tremendously. I know that when he is ready he will talk to me. <p>Elad, I have read several of your posts and our d-days are only three weeks different. Come 3/9 I am looking at one year. I must say I am getting stronger and like you I too have lost weight, which I desperately needed to do. I have lost almost 90 pounds now and I am still going. I am getting close to where I want to be, but not there yet. By summer, look out world and WH. I think that is what got his attention. I ran into him at the mall (he was working a second job there for a while) and at the time I had lost about 60 pounds. I had not seen him in several months and I think that was what really made him stop and think. <p>I will keep you both (and everyone else here) in my prayers. We can do anything with God on our side. Sometimes it just takes longer than we think it should.

I guess we have to remember that God's timeline and ours is not exactly the same...Tough to do tho!

Doubtful that its "over" yet...but headed there!<p>Maybe she found some of those careless "clues" lying around your H's place! (there's no SMIRKING smilie!) anyway.<p>Your insane need to know is simply a need to be in control of the situation. We oh so often mistake knowledge for control and power. If you knew exactly what he was doing every second of the day....could you change even ONE thing he was doing?<p>Nope.<p>Sooooooooooo...let it go. You are powerless to stop his actions, and you aren't in recovery. You don't NEED to know - you are better off just assuming that he's lying to you, and getting on with your day to day responsibilities.<p>Let him pursue you....<p>That Plan B is getting closer and closer... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]