I have been on MB almost three years. I rarely post anymore, but I REALLY need some prayers and help.
First, I love the Lord, and I know that He loves me and wants what is best for me. I know this, although I am having a hard time *seeing* it.<p>I've been divorced over 1 1/2 years; seperated a total of 3 yrs. I have a young daughter who is the joy of my life.<p>Why am I writing this today? Well, I, even after all this time, still CRY at night for my husband to come home. Some are familiar with the term *standing* and I've been doing this.<p>It came to me last night, that although I want my husband to turn to the Lord and come home, I don't believe he will any longer. I honestly believe now, that satan has been clouding my mind, to the point of tormenting me. I should NOT be feeling this way, escpecially after 3 years of seperation (married only 4 1/2 years). <p>I NEED to let this go and I need to truly let God lead MY life. I am close to losing my mind over this and I know that is from the devil. I cannot pretend any longer that my xh is coming home- I need to live my own life.<p>Please, if you pray, pray for my daughter and myself. Please Lord, release me from this torment and lift me from this pit.<p>God bless

Broken,
I am so sorry it came to this point for you. I will definately pray for you. If you look deep you might see God already has given you the strength to carry on in yourself and the contant reminder of your daughter. I dont know you or your story, but it sounds that you have made it through so much. I admire your strength of faith and will.
God will hopefully release you from all your pain and let you see how much of a tremendous effort you have given for so long and be proud of it. <p>-HI

Thank you HangingIn.<p>I just sit here and cry. Seems all I can do- even after all this time. I'm so sad inside. <p>Thank you for your prayers. I need them.<p>God bless you.

Bless your heart. That scummy devil makes me so mad! You've been thru so much, but he just keeps throwing those stupid darts of his. <p>I can only tell you what God has been helping me with thru my trials.... #1) Lay the whole burden (ex-husband) at the altar - at the feet of Jesus, and leave it there. Leaving it is the hardest part. I'm afraid I keep going back to pick my burdens back up -- as if God doesn't know how to handle it and needs my help!
#2) Be diligent in taking into captivity all negative thoughts and "vane imaginations". That has been particularly hard for me...the memories and thoughts just bombard me sometimes, and before I know it I've been meditating on them for minutes at a time. My pastor says when those thoughts start coming, that's the time to start praising God and thanking Him out loud for the blessings you know you have. The devil hates that! It works -- you'll feel better! <p>I'm so sorry for your pain. I will be praying for you. <p>at peace<p>"I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3:13-14

ALL of my love and prayers. Just remember He will not give us any thing that we can not handle, though it feels like it at times. Have you visited www.covenantkeepersinc.org Excellent site concerning standing for your marriage. I highly reccomend it. Please keep us up on any specific requests. (((((hug))))))

No one can put a time limit on your pain, but wondering if you are suffering from depression and maybe need some medication to help you get over the hump?<p>I believe we should mourn our losses for a time, then definitely move on before it turns into grieving. It seems like you are stuck in a grieving stage that is keeping you depressed.<p>Gosh, what about your kid??? I'm sure she must see you down in the dumps pretty regularly. That's not good, huh?<p>Yes, I think it would help you to see that your H is gone, and he doesn't love you. If he loved you, he would be there. That's just the facts. It hurts, but it's reality.<p>Faith is not dependent on life's circumstances, but our faith cannot override someone else's will. If your H wanted to be with you, he would. Plain and simple. And, you deserve someone who WANTS to be there with you, loving you the way God intended for you to be loved. Keep the faith! You deserve God's best and you probably DO have God's best for you right now! That's how *I* see it... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 15, 2002: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</p>