Hi I have been married for 12 years this April.
We have two beautiful daughters together. My husband is a good father and husband when he wants to be. BUT he has these days when he acts as though he doesn't want to be a husband and a father any more. He is 40 years old and his labido is dissapearing. He loves to email an old high school friend. He use to chat with her alot on yahoo but I had to put a stop to that because it got way out of hand. He stopped emailing her because I asked him to. But the subject of her came up so much in the month of January because his friend is chatting with his old high school sweetheart. So my husband thinks it is only fair if he does as well. He asked me if he could email the OW again and I said yes as long as it doesn't get out of hand. Well two days in a row they emailed each other about 20 times. He said it is because it isn't like chatting. That they have to email each other back and fourth. I said whatever.<p>Getting back to my situation, I am not usually a jelous person but with her I am and I don't know why. This has plegged me for months. I don't know if it is because when ever he is emailing her or was chatting with her, He acted like a teenager in love. He got so excited, he got the giggles over stupid comments she made. He was starting to act infatuated. All the typical signs that he was getting emotionally involved. he says that every thing has been and always will be innocent. and that he would never do anything to ruin our marriage. But every since he started back emailing her he has been neglectful towards me.
I got really upset the other day because he planted himself at the computer for hours waiting for her reply. He was acting like a darn dog in heat. He returned the remarks back to and blamed me for carrying on long conversations with old friends that he personally knows. He has met these people in person. I don't know this lady from adam. See now I think he is emailing her in private. So that I don't make comments about them both. He also goes into yahoo chat and flirts with the naked lady's in there and comments on there beautifull body's and tells them that they are so good looking. I also believe that he has some other women that he emails back and fourth with. He says there is nothing wrong with going into yahoo and that he doesn't for one minute think that cybersex is cheating because he isn't touching the other person. He personally has an exciting night when I am in bed asleep. I can always tell the next morning because of a way that I find out what he has been up to on the computer. I also know for a fact that he likes to talk to nasty women in our town. I don't know if he gets with them but I have often wondered.
He goes into yahoo to look at nasty web cams as well. Now he wants to buy a web cam. Please help me I need some serious advice. Thanks for reading. I have thought of divorce because he has made me feel like a failure as his wife. He told me that she is his mental and emational stimulation. I am at my wits end and am very emotionally upset over this whole situation.
ANY ADVICE WOULD BE HELPFUL.<p>[ February 14, 2002: Message edited by: Mrs_Debra ]</p>

1. Talk to H and tell him to get rid of that stuff that is robbing you of what God gave to you and him.
2. Tell H that if he doesn't do 1., you are leaving because no wife should have to compete with a metal box.<p>If you want to save your marriage...explore this site. (I don't think I would want to save my M if all these things were happening to me and so my advice is tempered that way...Sorry.)

Yikes.<p>I have quite a bit of empathy for you, Debra. I don't know how to quote from your post, but your husband mentioned something about not wanting to ruin your marriage. He is. You made that abundantly clear. Now you need to make that clear to him. Tell him how you feel about all this. Don't give in to the "whatever" feeling of a martyr. It won't bring you happiness.<p>There is indeed a lot of information here that can be helpful to you and your husband. From my own personal experience, I can say that ANYTHING your husband does that you find upsetting (especially on the internet)is automatically something you need to talk about!! Read up on Dr. Harley's Policy of Joint Agreement. A spouse does nothing without the ENTHUSIASTIC agreement of the other spouse. You have every right to be suspicious and unhappy about your husband's internet activities and contacts with an old high school flame. These activities are taking up his time, time that he could be spending with you. So show him that you want him to be with you! Try to plan some fun time together.<p>I don't think you should give up hope. And while pornography is addictive and destructive to marriage, love, and spirit, it isn't too late to work on your relationship. Plan A like mad but put a time limit on it. <p>I wish you success and happiness.