Well ,my wife finally opened up a bit about other man. She told me that she has not talked to him much lately because he was pushing her to separate from me and she told me she will never do that. She also said she is beginning to see that I am changing and that she has always wanted me as her husband, if I can be the man she wants.<p>I still see that my wife has feelings for this OM, but my wife is making it pretty clear that they have no future and her future is with me. She also said that she is beginning to realize that a man who would try to steal another man's wife, and would actually push a maried woman away from her husband, is not really the type of man she wants.<p>So, I still need to be patient. She has not indicated in any way that the A is over, or that she will cease contact. Until that happens, I can't trust her (and even afterwards it will take time). <p>But it is good news to see that she finally is beginning to realize what a loser this OM is!

That is such good news!!! Keep hanging in there!!!

Reality is rounding the corner and the fantasy is dimming in the light of reason and real selfless love. Continue doing whatever you are doing...sounds as if you've found the right path.

Boppo57,<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] , it is a very good sign, praise the Lord. When your W opens up like that her heart will follow to you. I am happy that your plan A giving you a hope in your M. Keep it up and help her in her recovery, kill any resenments from you.

Wow! It keeps getting better and better!<p>Still, be careful. OM sounds kind of like a predator. It's good that your wife is seeing that. I wish mine could.<p>Anyone - I don't care about circumstance, how much she encouraged it, etc., etc. - anyone who willingly acts as an OP is scum in my eyes. I don't care what they "feel". They have little invested in the relationship, and continuing it is a provocation warranting.... [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] all sorts of bad stuff!!! All OP are predators on some level. (Even thinking about Greg in SAA - yes, he was really attached to Sue - but he too was proven out to be scum in the end, cheating on her, just like she had cheated on Jon.)

<p>[ February 16, 2002: Message edited by: Boppo57 ]</p>

<p>[ February 16, 2002: Message edited by: Boppo57 ]</p>

<p>[ February 16, 2002: Message edited by: Boppo57 ]</p>

JR I agree with you about OP being a predator. But I wonder what a man sticks around for when there is apparently no future with my wife. This is a guy who bragged in chat rooms that my WW didn't care about hurting me, hasn't loved me in 10 years, is divorcing me for him ,etc. Now he must be seeing that she is going nowhere as she contacts him less and less. My ww would go on-line to chat every single morning. Now she hasn't been on-line more than once in last 2 weeks. Also, she would call him every chnace she got over the weekend. Now she hasn't called him for two weekends straight. Is he stciknig around just for sex? If so, he's more of a scum than I thought and it won't be long before my WW dumps him.<p>[ February 16, 2002: Message edited by: Boppo57 ]</p>

Not sure I really need to say this....but it caught my attention.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> She also said she is beginning to see that I am changing and that she has always wanted me as her husband, if I can be the man she wants. <hr></blockquote><p>I guess my question is......is the man she wants the same person you want to be?<p>Remember....you are supposed to change for yourself...not for your spouse.

Miss Priss said<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I guess my question is......is the man she (WW) wants the same person you want to be?<p>Remember....you are supposed to change for yourself...not for your spouse.
<hr></blockquote><p>Good question-easy answer. If the man my wife wants is not the same man I want to be-I'll change for her. That is what "agape" (unconditinal) love is all about. I would hope she will do the same for me. But only time will tell.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Good question-easy answer. If the man my wife wants is not the same man I want to be-I'll change for her. That is what "agape" (unconditinal) love is all about. I would hope she will do the same for me. But only time will tell. <hr></blockquote><p>OK...her is my take on this.<p>You will change to become someone other than your true self to keep your wife.....just to make her happy?
What about making yourself happy? Will you become someone that you are possibly not comfortable being just to be with your wife?<p>I don't really agree with the "unconditional" love thing. I could have told you that I did one year ago....but in the last year I have realized that I only have unconditional love for my children.<p>The love for your wife does come with conditions.
That she will be faithful and honest.
If those 2 things are not there.....then you will get to a point where you realize that your love for her is not "unconditional".