I just called the OW house and this is what I said. (H) didn't come home last nite after going out with her..."Hi, sorry to bother you but if Cory is there could you please have him try to get home befor our (D) wakes up? I don't want her to freak. Thank you . Bye Bye" OOOPS!

Faith,<p>Hang in there!!! I don't know what to tell you to do. I think you were upset to an extent about your daughter knowing and when you see your H, tell him why you called, that she knows about OW. Tell him you are sorry, that you weren't checking up, just concerned about what your D knows. <p>Hoping<p>PS-I'll pray for you.

Don't worry, Sweetie! I did the exact same thing. It freaked her out but, guess what? That's exactly where he was. Very painful indeed. YOU DID NOT MESS UP! If she is involved with your husband then she must expect some of this. Especially if it's in the early stages. <p>Here's a piece of advice though. Don't call too much. I did and all it did was make me look like a psycho. I used to call her at work (also my husband's workplace) and scream, "You have ruined my life!" I don't recommend doing that.<p>Big hugs! <p>Love,
BB

I was very soft and gentle. I am 1/2 worried tho because he said that he would be home last night and I didn't hear anything from him. Even when he wasn't living at home, he called if he wasn't gonna make it over. I know alot of you are screaming Plan B...read this and then you may know why I am waiting....this time, when he came back, it wasn't because I asked him...I don't know what I said (you see I am a Christian, so I hope this dies not offend) The only thing I remember telling him is that if he decided that he wanted out, I could not stop him (this next part is the ONLY part where I cried) but I would not divorce him. You say that you don't want to lose her as a friend? Well, Jesus didn't want to die on that cross, he didn't want to feel that pain...he was afraid. He asked 3 times for our Heavenly Father to take the cup from Him..."but your will Father, not mine" So, what you are being asked to do is nothing compared to that, and I will not walk all over that sacrifice by going against God's will and divorcing you. Now I know what my MaMa means when she says that she can't remember when she asks Him for words!!! It's frustrating. The first time that he left...God brought me where He had been trying to get me...my knees...we delt with alot of hate and hurt from my past...I always wanted Gods joy in my life...didn't know why I didn't...it was all of the junk. It's gone and now I have it. Yet, I am still human, so yes Plan A is working on yourself, I did a mini Plan B in the begining. I just finally found somewhere I can talk and well, it feels good, maybe I am talking too much. But, knowing what God is telling me, and "hearing" from you I can direct my path...I have prayed for peace at each step that I have taken these 6 mo. I am not getting Peace for a Plan B. I feel this "just wait on Me for a little longer" I like the feed back from people who have been there...like her letter...I am not good at things like that, and His actions...I am too close. He is like the old H now than any other time since D-Day.

Bump, what do I say and how do I act when he gets home?

Hi FNHope, If he asks about it, say sorry, this is very hard for me, I did not mean to upset you- but you must realize this is very hard for me... I made a mistake, but I am so worried about you... it is hard to stop worrying about you after loving you so long, and I still do love you... I am at a different place than you in this, I love you and want our marriage just as much or more than ever... <p>Do not go on and on too much, like I would... softly and graciously apologize if he is angry... explain yourself the best you can.. I do not think you did this with malicious intent.. .explain your concern for your D.<p>I called and left message on ow's vm one time... please have my H call me, if you are not too busy F'ing him... in saracastic rude voice.. this was around week 2 after D day.. she brought the recording to the police... but this was after I attacked her, and knocked her flat on the ground.. and pulled her hair out... You have not lost it YET! and I am sure you won't like I did... We all intensely love our H's, and sadly when Life gets in the way and they think they are not getting their En's met, some slut comes along and tries to take our H's!!! This is how I feel about it anyway.<p>I am so sorry you are there... <p>I feel the quilt coming with my above explanation, so I must say, I had not eaten or slept for 2 weeks sstraight, and I went to ck out a bar the ow and my h had taken our kids to... right after d day together... I was very upset about this... ow is alcoholic dart player, so they went to bar and played darts.. while my precious children ate bar food, age 9 and 3. OK, so was drinking, and sitting there, and in came my handsome H with some whore... dressed in the clothes I bought him.. he is handsome and I dressed him well... and come to find out later... My H says OW told him I dressed him well... OH MY G! This is pathetic, does she not know how much I love this man, and she is married!<p>Ok, well I called her at work, and on her cell phone and even at home.. I finally called her H, and he hung up on me, saying it was over when it was not.<p>We are starting to work things out, now that contact has been off for over 2 weeks... i am praying it stays that way... My H will not even consider the no contact letter? [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] , and I am scared to death she will call again.. she stopped calling , as her H is bending over backwards to make her happy now... and I think she sees her life would be quite different with my H than hers.. they have no kids, and we have 2, and she sd she could never put up with the child support thing, though she "claimed to love our kids"- that makes me SICK, sicker than sick.<p>My counselor says that is what they all say!<p>Hugs to you, it will get better. I am reading a book which is really helping me, the womens workbook from the restore marriage website... search for it on google... and it is about being peaceful and prayerful..<p>One thing that hit me last night... and you and some other ladies may not agree... but it sd that in the bible it says.. we women are to submit to our H's.. even when they are doing wrong.. treat them with respect and do not scold them and tell them how to live.. we must look up to them... and crown them.. do not talk about them badly to others , only praise and respect them.. even when they are disobedient to God...<p>We take our requests for our H's to change to God, and Jesus... we go up.. pray for him to God.. God will change his heart.<p>i think things will work out for you if you keep up plan a... work harder at it.. do stop calling her... I did, and boy did it help.. believe me we got over my mistakes, and I was the queen of lb, really that means nothing now... and my H is coming out of fog with less and no contact.. even just so recently.. he keeps acting more and more like himself.<p>It is crzy how these women can make them feel and act so different to us, their precious wives.. but be like Jesus and turn the other cheek- just treat them with kindness and love, that will shine through to our precious H's and they will come home to us.. where they belong. Fighting does not work, LOVE does. KEep this in mind.<p>I know by your name you have faith. Go to restoreministries.com, i think that is it, you must order the womens workbook, it is around 17 dollars or so, and well worth it.<p>Hugs to you my dear, you will be ok. Pray for your H to God, and let him heal his heart.<p>Hugs, HONEY

FnH,
the deed is done, but I would not recommend doing this again.
If it happens again, you need to rein in, stop the fingers from dialing. Come here and let your fingers vent away on the keyboard!!!
Just keep up with Plan A.
(((((hugs))))) cl

FnH,<p>Calling the OW if your H is there or not can be seen as you trying to control or check-up on his movements and therefore it's a LB. It also gives the OW ammunition to blast you and label you as....well, whatever she wants really.<p>When your H gets home then assess how much damage has been done. If he's cold towards you, I'd keep away from the issue as much as you can. Just don't bring it up and try harder to be in control next time.<p>good luck,<p>- Freddy

He thanked me for wakin' him...He fell asleep on the couch wtching a movie.

No need to apologize. Deed is done. Now let him know why!!! Your daughter's needs exceed any OW/OP. That is what you need to drop in his lap. But then you need to leave it there. Don't soften the blow just give him the issue and step back. Let him deal with it. Maybe it is about time that little one of yours sits her daddy down and tells him about what life really is!!!<p>My son did the same but in spurts. The male gene is a bit slower at this even at 6 years old!!! But the little guy did and in just a few sentences (wrote him a 4 sentence letter composed by himself). Pierced his dad right to the center of his heart. Hm............didn't even know he had one at the time!! LOL! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Doesn't stop there, that little guy has been giving his father, lessons on life. Even when it comes to saying bad words, he doesn't say 'dad you said a bad word', he says 'dad, what did you say?' When his dad does not answer, he repeats it again. The last time it was 3 times before his dad apologized. Hm.........this slo mo response things gets worse with age!??!!? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] LOL [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hugz,
L. <p>PS: Just don't over use this tool. Learn to work smart at using it. Now everyone knows you can call the OW, even the OW. You may have instilled some fear. Good...........don't apologize for that. As for his lamo excuse about sleeping on the couch....don't touch that either. Any OW who allows a man just to sleep on the couch and not in her bed is losing her OW status. Get that? OW can't come up a winner no matter how you slice this one. It is just a matter of your viewpoint. <p>Ooops, gotta stop this is getting way tooooo long.

Thanks. I appreciate all of your comments. I do believe that the OW is about burned out. I will keep you posted...

Don't sweat this.<p>I agree with Orchid....your D's needs come before anything else....even your H getting mad about this.<p>Let him know though that next time....you won't be calling so you can make sure he gets home before she wakes up. Next time he will have to explain to your D why he wasn't home.<p>Quit enabling him.