Does anyone have any ideas about meeting people? My husband says he wants me to "move on" although he still wants our marriage, (but while he moves out for a few months). He hates that I am too reliant on him, thus my question. <p>See we've been married for so long, and I gave up doing this kind of stuff, so, does anyone have any good ideas? I was thinking about taking up dance classes.

Yeah! Sounds good...my friend had a lifelong ambition to do some jazz ballet, and she did it just last year...........had a lot of fun, too. I have also heard that ballroom dancing is great fun too, believe it or not!<p>Do you sing? You may be able to join an amateur musical theatre group, they are GREAT fun, and always need extras in the background to make up the chorus....you meet a lot of ditzy people in there too. Or even just straight acting. Plenty of amateur theatre, look for info at your local council.<p>How about joining a walking group.......I noticed you said you walked in your last post. Or an aerobics class, gym, craft class, art class, bowling team, basketball, netball (season starts soon), help out at the local FOOTBALL team, (MEN [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] )and so on. These days there is a club for just about anything you enjoy, and great to meet people.<p>I do not know if you are religious or not...I am more, um, sorta spiritual, don't go to church, but I have my beliefs. This weekend I took the kids to a local church fair, and I saw a LOT of comraderie between church members, like a big family, and they were all having a wonderful time, providing a totally free fair for the community. They were very welcoming.<p>So, there are a few ideas for you! BTW, I don't do any of these yet. I am very ready to do stuff, but I can't commit to anything right now, because I have a to have an operation in March. So I can't do what I want to do most and that is musical theatre, as I would not be able to rehearse, etc. But you just watch me when I am well again!!!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

bumping up for seahorse

Seahorse - sorry I've been absent for a few days. Connection problems.<p>What exactly are you thinking of? Making friends or making "just friends?"<p>IMHO, it's imperitive to find some distractions while the Mothership has control of your H, but it's nothing but trouble to go prospecting for your own OP. Disregard the "move on" encouragement. This is your H medicating his guilt. He's the one who needs to "move on" - move on back to reality.<p>So, if you want to socialize, please do. Just be wary of sharing your troubles with new male friends - other than us here safely at a distance.<p>WAT

Moved to Just found out...
(Please excuse the jumbled order of this posting).<p>Hi WAT, I hear what your saying - and I'll be honest, it would make me feel better if a nice guy came along and told me how wonderful I am, because right now, I don't feel it. I keep wondering what OW has that I don't - he says she has money, etc, etc, but I know that this thinking is getting me nowhere, and I know that finding a "friend" would be a disaster (for me, for the "friend"( and give my H-an excuse to blame me, so no I wouldn't do it. <p>I am looking for new interests and new friends (of the friendship variety) though, as I have been too clingy and dependent on H, and he told me loud and clear on the weekend he absolutely hates it (and believe me there was no fog present at all at that moment). He told me he hates to see people walking over me, and he dosen't know why I do that. This is what I need to do for me,. before we were married I was independent, had interests, went shopping and was fun. But for the past year I have been very unhappy, depressed and frustrated that I have wonderful ideas about things I could do, but never DO anything about them, life passes by and I live with regret. He is a 'fix it' man and has not been able to fix this (as he sees it), but HE can't. I think it has been a lot of pressure for him (along with his job where he is also a 'fix it' man of sorts).<p>I don't know what to do or say to him at the moment, I've ordered the book SAA (hard to locate in Australia) over the net, so at the moment this website is my main support (besides my friends and the counsellor). I am reading HNHN and getting some of it. <p>WAT re the counsellor, I think deep down she does want to tell me to tell him where to go, but I've made it pretty clear to her I want to be with him, so she needs to accept this. But what we have talked about so far has been good. That is, my mother could be very nasty to me, and as a kid I got the message I was not good enough, which has carried through to adulthood. The times this hasn't affected me was when I was 18 and just finish school and got a job and had some freedom (and met my H), then when I finished Uni and got a job. She helped me to identify this, and is helping me do something about it. I don't think she wants to focus on the marriage anymore, but on me.<p>Sometimes I want to say "I love you" to H, but am afraid this will be seen as too pushy. I want to invite him to dinner, but then he might think I'm being over-reliant. I want to initate sex, but last weekend when I did (and we did have sex) he said he felt guilty and it made his decision harder (I don't know what decision he was talking about). Last night we again had sex at his initiation and we both enjoyed it, but I don't know when I'm doing or saying the right things. Do I just let him call the shots, but what about filling his love bank (or should I just avoid LBusters at the moment)? I am trying to meet EN's, and he has commented the last few days that my figure looks like a swim suit model (which I think I look OK too), so I presume this is a small deposit in the love bank?<p>I still want my marriage WAT, don't get me wrong. When I say "move on" I mean I'm just going to start living my life and if he decides to join in it will be good. For example, I've arranged to see friends this weekend, and will call another friend to arrange dinner. I'm arranging my holiday (as he wants to holiday separately) and will go visit a friend up north and then go on a diving course. He is really encouraging me with this, but sometimes I wonder what the ulterior motive is, or is he testing me to see if I really can do it on my own, or does he just want me out of the way so he can move out or be with her?<p>I think he is going to Malaysia, and Bangkok with one of her (supposedly) male friends (if it is a friend and not her), and I'm sure he's going to meet up with her. I feel like telling him that if he does this our marriage will be over. Won't it just start all over again? He's being secretive and won't tell me anything. He also told me to stop snooping, don't open his mail or ask to see his phone. So, I haven't. Is this all really Plan A? God help me if this has to go on for months, because he's driving me bonkers, I don't know what is lies and what is truth anymore.<p>Actually WAT, I don't think I could handle a "friend" at the moment anyway, I'm far to in love with my H. I'm just frightened that his show at reconciling at the moment is a farce and that all this will come crashing down around me.<p>Yesterday he seemed like the H I used to know, but I don't expect that today will be the same, I will just wait and see and in the meantime, do what I need to do to get through the day.<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: Seahorse ]</p>

Today he was acting a little strange butI managed to get a love deposit in last night which felt really good and he said "thank you, thats really a nice thing to say" [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>He is going out tonight for drinks, so I'm planning a full night to keep occupied. I would like some feedback re yesterday's post though as I don't know about this trip to Bangkok (if he does go).
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