This is not a general question, more a general comment. My WH, who is now in rehab and doing well in start of recovery, has begun to really feel what it has been like for me to find out about his A's. As he moves further into recovery and away from drug use, his mind is clearer. He has a lot of remorse and has cried alot about what he has made me go through by his actions. <p>
So that is a good thing and hearing him tell me those things have been what I need in order to go forward and reach a place of forgiveness. I still have a lot of sorrow, and now I still have to deal with the fallout of his relapse and its effects on our life. That has been hard as it has been very public and I am a very private person.<p>Although I have been going to Alanon for the last several months, since he left 5 weeks ago I have been feeling like I am just waiting for him to get out of rehab and come home and that then I can continue with my life. I realize that I depend alot on him (probably more than what is healthy) and to have him gone is very difficult for me, even though I have had A LOT of anger towards him for what has happened. I realized that this is not what I should be doing. I really need to look at this time apart as my chance to do a plan A FOR MYSELF! So that when he returns, I will be in a better place than I was when he left and the sh*t hit the fan.<p>Not that its not hard to do, because everyday I have to deal with the repercussions from his drug use on our finances, his job, the people who know about this, and I am terrified by it all. <p>I do love him, not his disease. I am glad that he will be returning to me when he finishes up his course of treatment. I feel blessed that he has come out of the fog and sees her for the manipulating and deceiving person she is. He realizes that a person who loves you does not supply you with the drugs to destroy your life and that of your family. A person who loves you does anything in their power to keep that from happening, including having you put in rehab. (Yep, thats me) <p>I know now that is what I need to do: plan A for me, for my health, for MY future. I just figured it out. firefly
