Just wondering , he is more out of the fog than in weeks, and acting, kinder , nicer, but still not wanting to return home, this is what I want... any tips?<p>I do not want to manipulate... I am just thinking, I guess the more he misses me, the more he will want to return , right?

The best advice I can give is to spend your time and energy taking care of you and your boys, and try not to sit around guessing what may be on his mind and what you can do to change it. YOU can't...it has to be his decision. I was a WS and nothing my H did or could have done would have gotten my head out of my @$$...it took time. I know it must feel as if your world will just shatter if he weren't to make the right choice, but it won't....and you can't live on if's. You will be ok no matter what happens.<p>I will say that I think it is true that the less needy of him and less accomidating to him you are the better off you will be. The more my husband started living his own life (we were seperated a year) the more respect I gained for him (we remained friendly throughout). It allowed the anger to subside and the guilt to diminish so that it was just us dealing with us instead of us dealing with a whole heap of issues and emotions.<p>Good luck to you, I'm sure you will be fine!<p>[ February 17, 2002: Message edited by: hope4future ]</p>

Thanks so much for your comment, and it is good to hear it from someone who has been in WS shoes.... thanks very much.. I hate to think it will be sooo long- Yes, I am finally returning to normal life, after 5 months... and my H is finally showing signs of coming back to earth from the whole thing.. but the hurt is still there...<p>I spent last night with him, and I commented that I know the OW saaid mean things about me... last week he told me she sd I was a monster, this week he says she said I was an insidious gas out to destroy them.. and that I would destroy them no matter what... she just kept telling him ho w awful I am and that I would destroy the 2 of them... well I guess I would of done my best, and did... <p>but they should not of been together... ever.<p>It is horrid to me, that she can talk down me, his wife, and who is this PERSON she was... a horrible predator on my life.<p>ANyway... it is the worst imaginable thing I have ever been through... knowing my H there will never be big appologies, he may come back... and I guess the more I back off the better chances are of it being sooner, but also ... the more I back off,t he less I even want him back.. he starts to make me sick, you see?<p>It is so hard being a single mom... I know that a lot of what led to all of this.. is the parent thing.. this ow, had no kids, etc...<p>Well, now my H says as we are starting to be close again, that he wants a nother baby... what to , take me away from him again, and so he can find someone else again?<p>TThansks again, HONEY

My H and I speak of new babies too...mostly because if these last 2 awful years hadn't taken place we most likely would have or be working towards another one (we adopt). I think it's a sign of our re-commitment to one another that we even think/talk long term commitment like that. We are both very devoted to our child, and would be to any addition. It may be a similar thought/sentiment from you H as well. I would consider it a good sign that he is at least thinking in those circles. BUT...don't go rushing into accomodating him in that area. A new addition will also add new emotional and financial stress to an already wounded situation. Take TIME TO HEAL. There could be many reasons you find yourself less and less desiring of having him back in your lives. One...he isn't showing much regret and commitment to rebuilding. If he were you'd sense that and might feel more open to having your life back. Two...there's a lot of pain yet to be dealt with. Why would anyone invite that into their lives? Unfortunatly, it's just one of those things we have to deal with...it comes with the territory. and Three, you might just find that with time you will gain a strength you didn't even realize you had, and with more inner reflection and time...you may decide that getting back together is not the right choice. I think a lot depends on his willingness to do the work and take responsibility for his issues by admitting them and dealing with them. As he nears Earth again he'll either "get the picture" or run away again. No matter what you'll be ok in time. Just take it one step at a time. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]