Hi Faketoughguy,<p>I don't respond to many posts lately (although I know I should), but your post reminded me so much of my husband and me. We too have known each other about 16 years, and have a have a daughter that was born with a cleft lip (after losing our first pregnancy to miscarraige). My H had an A with a coworker that he has worked with for 7 years. This coworker was in a bad marriage and after losing her 14 yr old daughter to suicide my H was there to pick up the pieces.<p>I know many people on here like to bash the OW. But I know people like you and my H are involved with OW who are not like that. I know these OW are good people who just got caught up in a bad situation. And Fake, you know that you want to stay with your wife. You will have your moments when you doubt this, but reading your posts it is clear you love your W and want to save your marriage. My H made the same statements about not wanting anyone to get hurt, but obviously somebody is going to. If you want to minimize that hurt you need to write a no contact letter, let your wife read it before you send it (maybe even make some changes), and STICK to the the no contact rule. As a BS a little further into this situation I can tell you that d-day is a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE thing...but nothing is as bad as continued contact. The Harley's have some great advice, follow it and you can get through this. No, your marriage will never be the same. But I prefer my jaded marriage to the other consequence. <p>Get the books Surviving an Affair (the Harley's) and Private Lies (sorry, forgot who wrote that one). These books were a tremendous help to me.<p>How is your wife handling this? Is she aware of this board? I know you probably don't want her reading what you have wrote, but if she needs a friend to help her through this I would be happy to share my email address. Also, you need to start spending time alone with her and rekindling your relationship. Don't feel bad leaving your daughter out of this time, she will benefit from your marriage strengthening. She may not trust you for a long time, but this is to be expected. Be accountable for your time, money etc. and don't get discouraged by her questioning you. I know I still get angry at myself when I don't trust my H, but I know that trust will come back in time.<p>Good Luck! It will be a long, hard road. but oh SO worthi it!