My W has been having an A since Nov. last year, and we have a 2 year old son. She has taken him to the OM's house, and spent quite a bit of time with our son and the OM, which I stopped as soon as I found out. How much does this, and a possible D effect children as young as 2 years old? I can already see some changes in him,as he wants to be held all the time. She is still at the house, but is also still seeing the OM. I am worried about our son. Thanks for reading!

dear confused-----i wnt through a divorce(my first marriage)when my son was about 1 1/2-2 1/2,the changes in him were devastating. we also had a very ammicable divorce. i cant imagine the stress of all this on a small child. at that age because they dont have the verbal skills they rely on our emotions and react accordingly to them. if nothing else keep that in mind. do everything in your power to shield him from emotional problems, yours and wifes. this is so much harder when children are involved. if its any hope my son is now 12 and doesnt remember any of it. if you are in counseling discuss this with your counselour.

Perhaps you could talk to your family physician as well, and see what he/she thinks.<p>My son Eric had only just turned 2 when H and I started on our recovery process. It burned my butt to find out that during our separation, my H wanted to take him on outings with OW#1 and her bratty daughter. Thank goodness it never happened (but it was hard to succomb to the fact that I couldn't stop it on his visitations unless Eric's life was in danger).<p>As far as personal knowledge on how much your son will remember, I know that my earliest childhood memories are from ages 2 1/2 to 3 yrs. So I do share in your concerns for your son.<p>Karen

Hi confused,<p>My grandson was 2 when his mother initiated her affair and moved with GS 600 miles away from his father/my son. For 7 months GS went back and forth between their two states. He became very irritable. He developed terrible temper tantrums. He talked about Mommy's house and Daddy's house, but did not have a "My house." Now they are in the same town but still separated. GS spends time with them both, and he is doing better. My S is a devoted dad.<p>You probably can get a restraining order to keep OM away from your little boy if that continues to be a problem. We first found out about DIL's affair from emailed photos of GS and OM labelled by DIL "My two favorite guys"!!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] We wondered who the "Uncle Larry" was that GS kept talking about.<p>Right now you can't spend too much time with your little guy. You have to be his sure thing, his dependable source of attention and affection. If your W is like my DIL, she is so distracted by the emotional mess she has made of her life that she is a less-than-attentive mother. <p>Also, for your son's protection as well as your own, you might want to consult a family law attorney to see what your rights are. My DIL tricked my S and moved out-of-state with my GS because my S did not know his rights. Don't want to alarm you, but you should be prepared just in case.<p>Thank goodness for good dads like you.
Estes

Thanx for all the advice. I am trying to take care of him to the best of my abilities, and both my parents and her parents are there for our son as well. <p>The main thing that concerns me is that the OM has a previous divorce because of both physical and mental abuse to his previous W, although, of course, he denies any of it happened whenever my W questions him on it (MAJOR FOG!). And I have told my W that I would fight for custody if she intended on being with him. She has stated numerous times that she is D'ing me to be with him. I suppose she thinks it will get rid of the guilt she feels, once she is no longer my W. She doesn't believe any of the stuff about him, of course. <p>Now, the main thing is, I don't like leaving her alone with him (our son). Like when whe is off, and I have to work. She tells me she will not take our son to the OM's house again, but she has told me this twice before, and both times I have found out she had done it. She gets upset, and wonders why I do not believe her. (I think I hear fog horns!)
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