I was posting here briefly back when I first went through D-day crud. But I am going to try to get back into the swing of things here.<p>D-day was last April, the 26th to be exact. I was seven months pregnant at the time. He took me to the beach because he thought I would be calmer surrounded by so many people. Yet another delusion he was suffering from at the time. <p>We discussed the letter the OW had sent, addressed to him but meant for me to read. It described the affair in detail. And there on the beach, he admitted the truth, that he'd had an affair. Then he announced we were getting a divorce. I had been fighting such a turn of events for the five months prior, and having finally discovered the depth of the betrayal, I knew I couldn't do more than to go somewhere far from him where I could lick my wounds and heal.<p>My husband's affair began in January of 2001. She was his ex-girlfriend. Pretty girl. They had dated during the last few months he was stationed on the West Coast. <p>I met him seven months after they broke up. We were married very shortly after we were first introduced, our first baby, VERY planned, already growing under my heart. It was the most impulsive thing I have ever done.<p>She believes totally that I "made him" marry me, using my pregnancy as the tool. I suppose blaming me for the fact that he never married her makes it easier to justify the lengths she went to in this event.<p>She tracked him down, not hard to do since she knew he was stationed in Germany. We hesitate to believe it, but she may have been watching us during the last months I was overseas. At the very least, she kept tabs on us by befriending some soldiers in outlying platoons who knew hubby. In any case, she was aware of his orders bringing him and his family to VA, she knew I was leaving early, knew where he was living, etc.<p>He had to stay in Germany to complete the final three months of his tour, but the Army was rennovating our housing unit so I had to leave early. Barely two weeks after he had put me, my pregnant belly, and our toddler on the plane, she confronted him at the NCO club.<p>She claimed to be the sister of herself, later telling him she wanted to prove that he truly loved her. She told him T (herself) was dead, killed by an abusive boyfriend, and that it was his fault. Then she went on to claim he was the father of T's baby, which she would not allow him to see as long as he remained married to me.<p>He was determined to see the boy. She could have found no better way to manipulate him. Hubby is utterly and totally determined to do right by his children and the thought that he had so utterly failed by a child of his was excrutiating. He was already under the impression that he was a bad soldier (his superiors in Germany were abusive), a bad husband (with him working 16 hours at a stretch we never saw each other!), and a bad father (she was so young and he worked such long hours). All in all, he pretty much felt like a failure.<p>With her standing nearby, he called me to tell me he wanted a divorce.<p>I was devastated, spiralling into the worst depression of my life. Thought about nasty things like cutting my wrists. The only thing that stopped me was my pregnancy! I finally reached a desperate point where I begged God for peace...and He gave it to me, and it has never wavered.<p>For the three months we remained seperated, I struggled to convince hubby that counseling and dating and being together would go far in helping us. I didn't know he spent the time "lying in [her] arms talking about how great it would be after the divorce". It was the letter that came a month after we were reunited that clued me in to those events.<p>What bemused me was that when I finally told him that if he wanted a divorce I would give him one, I was so tired of fighting him on the subject, he was so hurt and angry. Looking back on it, giving up wasn't what he really wanted me to do at all. He wanted me to protest his announcement that day on the beach and I was too hurt and angry to do it. I just wanted to get away, far away, from him.<p>I wrote up a preliminary seperation agreement and he signed it, almost a week later. And we spoke that night, quietly and amicably. I admitted I needed time and space to heal, and that I couldn't be his friend during this time. I had to get away. And then I told him (and this is what saved us), very quietly, that I was so sorry for him, that he was ruining something so good, and that I had so hoped he would give us a chance, that even that day on the beach I was ready to try again, if only he would have hinted he wanted to try. Then I went to lie in bed alone and cry.<p>I sent him away the next day. He went to his new station without me, and I packed our truck up, loaded the toddler in her car seat, and drove 2500 miles away from him. I felt like I was in a state of awesome, numb grief the whole while.<p>He called me the night I got there and oh so quietly asked me to come home. Told me he would do ANYTHING it took. I told him to show me he wanted me. So...the next day he called the airlines and booked a flight. He ended up sitting down with my father, in my parents' home, so that I would know he was THAT determined to do right by me.<p>We have been rebuilding now for nearly nine months. I have come so far! And so has he! I can finally say that I am grateful this whole, awful mess happened, because the marriage I have today is worth so very much more than it was prior, just for the work we've put into it! I have finally, FINALLY, reached a point where I can say I am married to a man who LOVES me totally and who is right smack dab where he wants to be!<p>Now...if only I wasn't STILL so angry at this...other "woman". <sigh> I am a work in progress, I know. I just wish I was DONE with it, already.<p>Blade

WOW!<p>Our d-days are only 1 day apart... 4/25 for me...<p>What a story! What a recovery!<p>I, too, wish I could get OW out of my mind as well as the hate and anger... <p>Cali

Hey Blade! It's so nice to see you lady! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Love,
Clear

B*L*A*D*E<p>I am so happy to see you here.<p>Let's continue to share, learn, and grow together.<p>These are good folks here. I feel welcome.<p>Pepper (AKA Yesterday) [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks, Riff Raff Girls! Glad I made it!

It sounds like you had the OW from hell, she really chased him down and cornered him... for what she wanted ... what a nightmare! I am so sorry about the OW! I know too , the nightmare of having another woman destroy... or try to destroy your family... why can't we be better to each other , us women?<p>I am glad that you have found a new place, wondering what board all of you came from? I am sorry for your pain and glad to have you here to try and recover more... or definitely recover more... <p>I am so glad he called you that night.. that is the night I am waiting for right now...
I think maybe his thinking he has lost us, will be the turning point... I am still plan a, and I think plan a may be too generous for my H, sinc e he has us sometimes... and this may be way too much!<p>WELCOME<p>H

Cali, wow on the D-day coincedence. I am sad now every time I see anyone going through something similar to myself, and it seems like it happens ALL THE DAMN TIME, too. It's disheartening sometimes when yet another person I know admits they're going through an affair, from any angle.<p>Oh well.<p>BTW, forgot to mention in my post above that the child she claimed to have never existed. Just another fabrication on her part.<p>Blade

Honey, we were all posting on Ivillage's Redbook board called My Affair but apparently anyone who opposes affairs over there is too mean, so we enacted a mass exodus. LOL<p>Seriously, I tried Plan A myself for many months like I said in my original post. It didn't work so I did a quick plan B. THAT worked real fast. I think it depends on the situation.<p>I'll need some time to get used to everyone's story, of course. Thanks for posting!<p>Blade [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]