I couldn't sleep tonight. The shallowness of my marriage just gets to me sometimes. My husband doesn't want to listen to me. I've been sitting here since 11. It takes a lot for me to finally talk about something. I've sat here since 11:24 and just kept hitting the refresh button, hoping for a reply to my post. Hoping that someone would just acknowledge that someone out here is still hurting, even after 5 years. I've changed so much!! I just can't face the thought that I saved my marriage for this. To continue with this man. To live a sexless marriage. Everytime he can't do, it's like I'm being rejected again. I just can't do this.

Pimmers, I don't know what time zone you are in and I'm way up here in far off northern Canada [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>But seriously, I hear your pain.<p>Pimmers, what are the things you want out of life? What do you want out of your M? If you could have an ideal world, what would it look like? And without the ideal reality, what could be at least a better reality for you?<p>I don't mean to make you fill out a questionnaire..just to help you get in touch with what is wrong. You have stated it's a sexless marriage and communication is missing. <p>These are obviously problems you cannot repair on your own. But is there any chance if H would listen to you, that maybe you could begin working on one issue together?<p>If not, is there any way you can get into some counselling on your own to begin with? You need some emotional support and because you are vulnerable, you need to protect yourself--don't fall into someone else's arms at this time.<p>If you have faith, lean on God even if it doesn't seem He is there..He is. Whatever you do, please keep posting because there are people here to help you. Please don't give up. You have just taken an incredible step of courage.<p>I work at a place where we say, "Asking for help is a sign of strength." You have taken the first step...now please keep reaching out...because we will be here to help and support you as you share your story, your needs, your questions, your hopes.<p>You certainly don't have to answer all my questions!!! But please do ask them of yourself and then post again. <p>Due to time zones and my need to soon "zone out," I hope we connect but if I miss you during this night, please let's touch base soon. I hope to get some time online tomorrow or at least Tuesday.<p>You will find help here. We care about you, Pimmers.

Dear Freshstart,
In the light of this new morning, I began to feel better... not so despairing. I thank you for your thoughtful advice. Even now, I begin to doubt whether it's as bad as I think it is. I've lived this way so long and h is not that bad a guy. He very gentle and kind, just not affectionate. Perhaps too passive. Many times I've had to take first steps in big decisions. Maybe I'm seeing gremlins where there are none. <p>Yes, my faith has sustained me through this ordeal. It's been an anchor in a time of stormy weather. Prayer has been so comforting, when I make it a priority. Tend to get swallowed up sometimes and forget, but always return.<p>Thank you so much for the kind return of my post.<p>It's given me something to think about.<p>Pimmers