Hi every one,<p>Recently I asked my WH to tell me the truth, that I would not get mad. I asked him about our relationship & where we stand & Q's obout OW1 & OW2<p>In summary here's what he said:<p>At first started to talk about the kids, that we both had very different ideas on how to raise them, how to discipline... That he was concerned what was happening in their lives. (He hasn't lived at home for about 3 years.)<p>Another concern was that our house was always a mess and yard. He said sloppy house - sloppy people. That he thought the kids (2 at home) & I should be able to maintain the house & the yard so when he did come home, everything was nice & orderly. (I am overwelmed as it is trying to raise kids on my own, take care of a house, work, deal with the A's...<p>He said that we where each going 2 different directions that he didn't want to deal with the conflict & that's why he stays away. He is concentrating on business & getting a stable income (true, we are on shakey financial ground)
That I brought this on my self (the way the kids behave & don't do chores - they don't follow the system he set up over 3 years ago) that the house is a pig sty.<p>Then I asked about OW2:
He had been with her 3-4 times, it "JUST HAPPENED" that he still sees her - she is helping the business with real estate (HAHA) That is is becomming a pain, that she had been dating someone very long term & that he encouraged her to go back to him (Folks, he calls her all the time according to his cell phone bills. She lives near where my WH lives now.) WH says what you think I'm going to leave you for her? No, Im not.<p>Then OW1 - was someone he's know since childhood. He said that he used to stay there & one time they had had too much too drink (she's a widow) that she was talking about how long it had been since she was with a man) so he said it was almost like he SERVICED her. SERVICED HER!!!!
(What about me, I havn't been with a man in a long time. what if someone SERVICED ME?????)

Hi, <p>Nothing to interpret here. He is babbling. However is anything he said have a ring of thruth that you can fix? If yes, then that is what you concentrate on. The OW piece he appears not to be dealing with right now. So don't. Fix what you can remove all doubt from him. He did say he would not leave the U for the OW. Hm....could be babble could be a ring of truth. But that is not the part you have control over. So become the best you can as a family. Remove his reason(s) for complaint. If you can't then why would you want a male whiner around you anyway? Hm...... that could apply to a lot of us! LOL! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hugz,
L.

oooppps - DIDN'T FINISH <p>He said that it was the worst mistake of his life cuz 1. he was married (duh) and 2 it ruined thier friendship (tough sh*t) But now they are friends again & they can LAUGH about it!!!! LAUGH ABOUT IT???????<p>I sounded like the PA part may be over???? I didn't ask questions to find out more about the EA part. HELP - NEED SUGGESTIONS WHAT TO ASK....<p>WH said that he wanted to see if M could work. That we could chip away at it. That he was going to continue to concentrate on work. That he didn't know about talking to a marriage counselor (he talked to steve 1 time) I told him that it was important to put all the pieces together and to build a business plan for our marriage.<p>WH is starting new busines out of town & wants me to be part of it (I am part oc current business as well. Thats all we talk about is bus.)<p>Your replies would be greatly appreciated!!!

Thanks Orchid,<p>I have been working on some of the clutter in the house (I admit to it) but I don't feel that I can do all that he is asking. It's like he has put all his responsibilities on me & then gets mad when they aren't done.<p>That reminds me of the serenity prayer -
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things that I can & the wisdom to know the difference.<p>I have said that many times lately.

Hi, <p>I understand. I work at least 60 - 80 hours a week and am expected to keep the house in order. Hm..... with H as the Charlie Brown character who walks around in a cloud of dust undoing most of what I do..... he is working on bettering himself but it has been a major issue. <p>So I tell him I am doing the best I can, his help is appreciated if he needs to see it better. So, can your H get you help? I mean if it is important to him then, why not? <p>JMHO,
L.

Hi Orchid, <p>WH doesn't live at home - only comes home for a few days a month. He expects the kids to do all the work (true, they could do more but not all of it.) <p>My oldest S who is in college says he feels like his Dad expects him to be dad around the house & be dad to his little brother rather than a brother. <p>All the kids are very angry with thier dad. They know he is doing something that I don't like while he's living away from home (out of state)

Gosh, have you thought about telling your H that you need a man around the house and not a business partner? I'm surprised that YOU'RE not the one involved in an affair! Sheesh! He's a demanding one isn't he? I'm shocked...<p>Is changing jobs and moving back home to make love to his wife, father his children and nurture his family in his plans or his life goals??????? If so, when? If not, then what you have is not what I would consider a marriage. I'm sorry, but he needs to get a job in town. Does he even want to be in a family? Doesn't sound like it... I'm sorry you are going through this. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]