I need help and advice from people on here to help me find the innner strength in regards to the situation I am in. Previous posts have given the background, but the short version is that I have become emotionally infatuated/in love with a woman I met when my company assigned me to work on a project with her company.<p>I have kissed her, stroked her hair, held her in my arms, but no sexual touching and no desired to end up in bed. I am very open with my heart -- have told her for months how I have felt. She is not as open, but it is clear that I mean something to her. No desire to leave spouses, etc.<p>My problem is that I know this is all a fantasy and not something I truly desire in my lift. That is my head speaking. My stupid heart aches when I think about her. I wait to hear her voice at the end of the day -- all very juvenile things.<p>What I need help on is how do you get over something like this? It is not like we went to bed and I am trying to end a physical relationship. This has all been conversation. She did give me a valanetines day card.<p>At times I feel I am better, and then I will slip into a kind of a funk where nothing looks good, that I so need this woman in my life.<p>If I look at objectively, there are many things that I would not like about her if we were married. But when I am with her I like the feeling that it gives me. Not all sexual, by the way.<p>I have to work with her -- seeing her once a week -- for the next two months. So the no contact rule can't work. Simply impossible now.<p>When the project ends, I could limit contact. But part of me, if I am honest, does not want contact to end. Do any of you waver with those feeling?<p>I give this woman much more than she gives me: Messages of love, my feelings. I get some back, but she is a very guarded woman. So I ask myself what is it that I get from being around her? It makes no sense to me, but when I am with her Li feel happy and light and excited. And when I am not with her, I miss her so much. <p>I am in a good marriage. My wife truly loves me -- best friend. And I love her, but this OW so occupies my mind that it drives me crazy.<p>Do you have anything that can help me?ynndsaniein,d the beto f

Hello. Well I read your post and have been thinking about this for a little while. At first I really didn't know what to say. But the more I read your post I realized you already answered your own questions.<p>"My problem is that I know this is all a fantasy and not something I truly desire in my lift." <p>"At times I feel I am better, and then I will slip into a kind of a funk where nothing looks good, that I so need this woman in my life."<p>When you say nothing looks good I wonder if you are suffering from some sort of depession, maybe?
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sometimes people start to stray because they have internal issues going on. It isn't the spouse and sometimes you just can't explain it. It's like you think this new person that enjoys your attention will suddenly fix whatever is going wrong or whatever is missing. But that isn't possible. It's only temporary. I KNOW. I have often thought that the new man in my life was THE answer! And I would have all these same feelings you are having.<p>Are you perhaps bored at home? Do you think it would help to spice things up at home? Maybe a new hobby? Maybe some different?<p>"]i]If I look at objectively, there are many things that I would not like about her if we were married. But when I am with her I like the feeling that it gives me. Not all sexual, by the way.[/i]<p>Of course you like the feeling it gives you. Your ego is being stroked, you feel more attractive, you feel better. You like the attention. My psychiatrist once told me "Of course you like the attention! But it isn't the right kind of attention!"<p>Since no contact is impossible you are just going to have to find a way to avoid this situation. Be strictly professional. Don't say you can't do it! You CAN! You can do anything you put your mind to. BUT you have to be willing to commit yourself to the task. It's WORK!<p>"I give this woman much more than she gives me: Messages of love, my feelings. I get some back, but she is a very guarded woman. So I ask myself what is it that I get from being around her? It makes no sense to me, but when I am with her Li feel happy and light and excited. And when I am not with her, I miss her so much. "<p>Have you ever considered the possibility that you might enjoy the challenge? The chase? <p>"I am in a good marriage. My wife truly loves me -- best friend. "<p>Don't ruin that!!! You are at a real risk of losing her. You could devestate her! If you love her, let that be your motivation. <p>Would you rather "ache" for the OW NOW? Or would you rather "ache" for your EX wife if you lose her? <p>TRY! You can do this!!!!!!!<p>It will be hard work, but you just have to do it.<p>Love,
Clear

You are currently involved in an A. Kissing is sexual touching BTW. For a reality check, picture kissing and caressing your daughter, sister, or mother the way you kiss and caress the OW. Better yet, picture a man doing these things with your W and having these conversations, cards, messages, etc., with your W--not a pretty picture, is it?<p>I will just quote Steve Harley here:<p>"You are the most dangerous person on earth to your spouse." --From the current MB Newsletter<p>You are not your W's best friend, are you? Would you consider her your best friend if the roles were reversed? Are you protecting your W? Are you caring for your W? Are you spending time with your W and being honest with her? Should your W love you or be in love with you? She obviously should not trust you.<p>Read SAA and pay close attention to how the H in your position handled his situation. If you don't do the same immediately, you are risking everything you have with your W. Be a man. Respect your W.

It is great that you are here!<p>Please read the info. on this site. There is lots of info./letters etc. about what you are going through.<p>Technically it's a PA (Physical Affair) but sounds mostly like an EA(Emotional Affair) which is just as deadly.<p>There are others on this board who are in the same situation or people who have left their spouses and then returned and are now posting on this board.<p>Just know this - to end the affair, you will have to go through WITHDRAWAL - and it's just like it sounds. In SAA (Surviving an Affair) by Willard Harley, which you really need to read - it will explain EVERYTHING you are going through - you will learn that affairs are addictionas like drugs or alcohol and when you end one it takes at least 3 weeks of severe emotional and physical pain. Then you can still be in a funk for a long time. Also, ANY communications, phone calls, e-mails or even just seeing her will put you back into day one of withdrawal.<p>However, there is GOOD NEWS! After withdrawal is over, you feel so much better and back to where you were before the affair.<p>Usually it's best to see a counselor to help you get through this, and especially to find one that can advise you on how to tell your wife. Which you will need to do and doing it through a counselor is the best way - you can even call one here at MB.<p>Although you say you have a good marriage, you and your wife should read His Needs/Her Needs by Harley and SAA(to get back on track) - fill out some of the questionaires and figure out how to make your marriage even better AND affair proof, because if you are both meeting each other's needs then it lowers the risk of an affair.<p>You can have an even better marraiage than you thought possible - Harley has the stats to prove it, if you can follow the principles and get back on track. You may even want to go on a MB weekend.<p>Try to stay stong, and good luck. YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING by breaking off something than can only lead to disaster - and if you dont believe me, just read some of these posts from spouses who are having affairs and see all of the emotional damage that they are experiencing.<p>For myself, my husband started the same way you did and now has left me - with 3 kids, and one one the way - and we just built our dream house.
The other woman has 2 kids and is leaving her husband - so now two families are destroyed and they don't even know if they are compatible - he says that she soesn;t even know anything about Football - and that is his life! One day he'll wake up, realize his mistake, but by then he may have lost everything - on a fantasy.<p>Good Luck and God Bless(Turn to God for strength!) K