I've been in the hospital since I wrote my original post, that is why I have not been on.<p>Sometimes you just gotta wonder when enough is enough, y'no? Affair, waffling, OC, OC death, My mom, all in a year's time.<p>I'm 26 years old for goodness sake. My mom is 50.<p>My mom is not doing well. My dad is of course hopeful, but I feel it through my entire body. I can't explain it, I feel like I know she will die. <p>I've been having dreams about my parents (mostly my mom) dying for the past 2-3 months. I would run through what I would do, what I would say for a Eulogy, how I would help my dad (he knows NOTHING about paperwork/finances/etc). <p>So, when I got this news, I guess I wasn't really shocked... I really hate this sixth sense sometimes, no matter how I try to shake it off and say I'm just being paranoid, it's like it never is. I even wrote down for me to talk to my H about 3-4 weeks ago about my dreams and how they were bugging me, but we got into a fight and we never did talk about it.<p>Things are not going great with my H. He is suffering from severe anxiety attacks about everything. He wants to run away again (with me) and just avoid everything else.<p>This weekend will probably seal our fate. I told him I needed him to be with me when I see my mom. He says "he will try", but "I don't understand how these anxiety attacks affect him and how hard it is for him to do stuff like that". <p>So, although he says he will be there, I tell him, I am not going to count on him cuz' he very well may let the anxiety attack win and he won't face my family, or my mom. And he'll let it win - again.<p>He talks, talks and talks, but just isn't DOING. He is scared.<p>I'm doing okay in that respect, it's up to my H to WANT to be the man he wants to be and to stop running. I can't make him do anything, so I'm just doing stuff for me.<p>I will let you know what happens with my mom. Right now she is on a respirator and has been for 3 days. She has Scleroderma (37 years) and this was just a time bomb waiting to happen. Basically, the first time she had to get on a respirator, this would have happened, she's never been in her life, so that's why she lasted this long. The gall bladder would have burst in a few days anyway, so, it was happening one way or the other.<p>She can still pull through, but we don't know how much she will really "be back" and how much negative afteraffects there will be.<p>I never did get to see her, by the time I got there she was all doped up and completely incoherent and has been for 3 days. We've just all been taking turns (mostly my dad and me) sitting there so she will know she is not alone. <p>I am really sad for me to be losing my mom, but not really for her. She lived a hell of a lot longer than she ever planned and was able to live it the way she wanted. I just hope if she has to go that God will do it quickly simply because this is not the way she would want it and I know she is in pain (when the meds start to wear off). <p>Of course, I hope for the best, but just looking at her, my dreams, looking at the doctor's and what they say... Sigh... <p>I'll just keep hoping I'm wrong (like I always do) and she will pull through... It's gotta happen sometime, right?<p>HbH

HbH,<p>I've been keeping an eye on this post. You sound so strong in the last thread, yet I know this is tearing you apart. Having so many things happen to you one after another can feel like madness but you are so good at handling them one at a time, that's the only way to manage it.<p>Can I suggest something for your H's anxiety attacks? I have had severe panic and anxiety attacks. I wanted to stay natural in what I put in my body so my Therapist suggested "CalmPlex 2000", it's a natural homeopathic anxiety solution, you can buy it over the counter.<p>HbH, I am praying very hard for your mom's recovery. I am also praying that your H will start to see how much you need him through this, and will find the strength to hold you up and be there for you.<p>If you need me, email me Hon.<p>Prayers,
Jo

HurtbyHubby~<p>You don't know me, I am new to this board.<p>I just want to that I hope and pray that your mother will come out of this.<p>I'm so sorry for your pain. My mother had a massive heart attack when I was 26 and for a while there, we didn't know the outcome either. It was horrible.<p>hugs and prayers,<p>selket

hurtbyhubby,<p>My thoughts and feelings are with you and will be with you over the next days and weeks. <p>I lost my mother to cancer of the liver. At the time I was 28 she was 54. That was 13 years ago. This may not comfort you right now but I learned that your mother is always in a very special place in your heart and your thoughts. However, it still brings me to tears when I think about her and how much I miss her....<p>take care and I'll be thinking of you,<p><<<<< e-hugs >>>>><p>- Freddy

Dear HbH,<p>You are an amazing woman. Yes you have been through a lot and despite it all still proved yourself a survivor. <p>I am sorry you mom and her family are going through this tough time. It brings back all the memories for me of losing my grandma. Yes, they may have lived their life to their best but it still hurts to see them suffer. <p>Know this, the fact that you are hurting shows that you still have care and compassion in your heart. This is good because you and your family will need to that to get through what is ahead. <p>I hope your H gets assistance for his attacks. They are real and he does need to deal with them. <p>You and your family are in my heart and prayers. <p>Hugz Hbh,
L.