Ok,
my H went into the back room at 4:45 to call someone,as i tried to listen to what he was saying i coulden't. so i walked into the room and when i did he quickly said ok see what i can do. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] then hung up. now i did noticed that when i walked into the room he had the phone book on the table turned to the yellow pages. but i think that could of been just a way of making me think he was calling a buisness or something to that nature. so i ask H was u talking to and he said oh i called the uninployment office to see where i stand with them. now i a'm pretty sure the unployment office closes here at 3:30 or 4:00 buiness hours. does this sound funny to you all looking in on being a out sider or is it just me unsure? please can u help me figure this out.

Does your phone have a redial button?
Does your phone company list numbers dialled on their bills.

Seahorse.
i have star 69 but most of the time it don't work and after he placed the call i diden't try and hit star 69 i called my neighbor. and no my phone company does not have a listing. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Try not to focus on the little things. You should be focusing on your Plan A, and thinking about a plan B, just in case you need to move to it somewhere in the future.<p>Plan Aing in this situation would be letting it go. You're just torturing yourself otherwise. I'm not suggesting that you ignore it - but rather, that you keep your ears and eyes 'open' for other signs, and see if they fit together.<p>For all you know, your H could have been making a phone call on behalf of you, right? (researching for a gift or party?). You never know until you have concrete proof.<p>Karen

Topie25
not quiet,have u read my story under general questions2 it is posted like this to redhat on my story again or something like that. read it and u will understand why i wonder things like i do.

I read what you wrote to redhat, and I can now see that you have been putting up with a LOT of lies and deceit from your H.<p>He has obviously given you no reason to trust him in the past. I'm sorry about that. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>What is it that you want to do? Do you want to work on your M? Do you have any proof of an affair going on? How have you plan A'd your H to make him feel comfortable in telling you the truth? (every time you LB, he'll only withdraw further). And do you realize that your H can't work on the M until he can get past his compulsive lying? (assuming that he is a compulsive liar - that's what it sounds like to me).<p>Karen

Topie25,
i have tried talking to him about M its allways same thing,ok i will try and thenhe does for awhile then i catch him in a nother lie. i a'm not sure at this point actually what i want anymore. he has done to much to me over and over again. i guess i better just quit posting till i know what i want to do about marrige. thanks for the support.

Please don't quit posting! Use this board to help you decide what it is that you want. I was just asking those questions to get a better grasp of your situation and story.<p>Karen

I'm just going to throw this out here and see how it goes.<p>itd.....you are worrying too much about what your H is doing.<p>worrying is a wasteful use of the imagination....I don't remember where I read that.<p>Is there ANY possible way you could start focusing more on yourself and making you feel better rather than what your H is doing? No matter what he is doing....he will do it regardless of what you say.....you cannot control him.<p>It seems to me...and please correct me if I'm wrong....but your self esteem is at an all time low? If your self esteem is low then the love that we have for ourselves is low....and you know how the saying goes....we cannot love another until we love ourselves.<p>Please try to put more emphasis on what makes you happy and what is good for you....this is essentially what Plan A is about.<p>Not only will this help you but it will help keep the love that you have for your H. If you are not constantly focusing on what he is doing then it isn't as damagin for us to recover.

Hey InTheDark. <p>Well, here's my take. I think that yes you are worrying too much. Not because of what he is or is not doing but because there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about it. You don't know one way or another. You just have to take what he says for face value, and THEN deal with a lie when you know it's a lie.<p>But you must ask yourself if this is a pattern, what will be the breaking point and what is going to be different this time? <p>You know I am rebuilding a relationship now with someone that lied a LOT. In therapy when I would tell my counselor "I don't know if he's doing X", her response was "Well, if you don't know what can you do about it?". NOTHING.<p>At the same time if he is lying all the time, why do you accept that behavior? You know I'm not judging, just challenge yourself on this.<p>Do you deserve to be happy? Of course you do. Do you deserve honesty? Absolutely!<p>I know it's hard but if you tell yourself there is nothing you can do about it, you may find yourself worrying a little bit less. <p>I had convinced myself he was doing all sorts of things. I was right sometimes but probably 80% of the time, I was wrong. I drove myself crazy and I drove him crazy. I worried about things I could not control. The only thing I can control is my reaction to something I know to be real and true.<p>Hang in there sweetie!<p>Love,
Clear