I thought I was the only one! I truly did! I have lived with this confusion, humiliation and hurt for so long I can't believe there are others out there suffering these exact same things! I just returned yesterday from The Marriage Builders workshop in Orlando. It was at my Husbands (sorry I'm not down with all the abbreviations yet.) suggestion that we go after he purchased His Needs Her Needs and had me read it. We didn't even finish the course. We needed a How to Survive an Affair course, unfortunately there wasn't one available. <p>Let me give you my history. We were high school sweathearts. Met at 15. Married at 24. (you think you know someone!) We have 2 children 10 and 8. <p>The first time he did this was 4 years ago. This is going to be long enough, let's just say he was gone for 11 months came back and swore he'd never do it again!!<p>Fast Forward October 13, 2000. My antennae went up and I did some searching and made my discovery via his cell phone. All that pain and anguish came rushing back with a vengence. The OW (I think that's right?) was the sister of his business partner she did some marketing work for them. 2 Weeks before D-day we had all been out together at a concert and I knew as soon as H walked into the room and looked at her that something was up. He denied it of course, I was
"insecure" and "making something out of nothing" but I knew... <p>For the next few weeks we tried working things out, but the lies and deceit continued and in November 2000 he moved out and hasn't been back since. I have been played (allowed myself) to be played like a yo-yo ever since. I want to get off of this roller coaster!<p>His pendullum swings with the wind. I never know who is going to be on the other end of the phone, e-mail or in person I could write a novel of the events of the last 16 months. <p>I filed for divorce in July. That went over big! His anger at me still leaves me dumbfounded. We are still in the process. <p>It was so comforting to read all of your stories. I have felt foolish for ever giving him the time of day again. I don't understand either one of us at this point. His inability to make a commitment one way or the other and my inability to get fed up enough to go to Plan B. <p>We went to the Seminar at his suggesion. We own a place near Orlando, he was already down there and was to meet me at the airport. I called upon my arrival and he said he would be an hour and a half late, I said I'd just meet him there and I'd take a cab. He says she wasn't at our place but I know she was down there. One of his biggest needs is for admiration. when He got to the hotel I didn't "...smile at him" big enough (I had traveled 8 hours to get there and was tired.),I found airline tickets with her name on them in his car, and endured a phone call from her to him on his cell phone. I'm still trying to figure out why I was there? <p>We both left the conference feeling defeated, disappointed, and angry. How could we ever hope to restore this marriage. So many things have been said and done...and yet I still Love him!!! Is that bizzare or what?! Neither one of us knows how to move to the next step or even what the next step is. <p>We got home (cleveland) 6:00 last nite. Today he came over for breakfast (the kids were off school today) and met us for dinner. We laughed and got along great but I know she is still in his life. I have told him repeatedly that I can not be his "friend" right now. That it is too confusing for me because when I allow that I start to become hopeful and I always get hurt and I can't do this anymore.<p>Anyway that's my story in a nutshell. Thanks for listening and letting me vent! The thing that you all have shared were encouraging, and heartfelt. Thanks again.
