I am having a huge problem with my H...among others..but this one is regarding him imitating. He used to only do it to me but now does it to my 12 year old daughter and I am totally disgusted with it! When ever we are in an argument, he will start immitating the way i talk in an over exaggerated way, he will do it so loudly that I can't talk over it.
I have a 12 year old girl, who yes does get angry sometimes, and gets upset,which is understandable... her hormones are flying! Well my Husband starts immitating her and then starts laughing very loudly, this hurts her sooooo much that it breaks my heart! I sat down and talked to him about it and his excuse was thats the way he was brought up, his parents did that to him and it worked and it stops her from continuing to yell and get upset at what ever she is mad at. I told him that it is a form of verbal abuse, I know how it feels and I know how much it hurts, as he has done it to me. He just doesn't see it, I can't believe it! I got very angry with him, how do I let him see that this is a very harmful thing to do to a child! Am I wrong on this????

You are not wrong, . Is your H insecure about himself? He sounds insecure.<p>Pepper

I hear you loud and clear! First, be careful using the term "verbal abuse" to your husband. My husband and I have had many arguments over this and it comes down to what each of us believes the definition "verbal abuse" means.
Try to stick to talking about the actual behavior and it's outcome. Somehow he needs to understand that just because this is how he was brought up doesn't mean that it's right for your daughter or working....the old "it doesn't matter if it's right or wrong, it's not working so it has to change".<p>I just had a similiar problem this weekend where my husband belitted by daughter and made her feel stupid. I tried my hardest to make him understand how she felt and how the only thing he was accomplishing was pushing his daughter further away from him. That I was not trying to "change him" but that he needed to look at his actions and the results he gets...and that I was telling him this because I love him and I want him to have a good relationship with his daughter.
Although we had a BIG argument over this, the end result was that he did some thinking and looking at himself.<p>I don't know if I'm allowed to post it here but I know of a good website about verbal abuse.
Feel free to e-mail me if you want it.<p>Hugs,
JJ

fed up,<p> No, you are not wrong. It shows a complete lack of respect towards you and your daughter when this happens. He needs to realize that this is unacceptable behavior. Just because it happened to him as a child does not make it right.<p> JJ,<p> By all means post the url to that site, or any other site that may be useful to others. <p> jd

thank you sooooo much for replying, I needed to hear it from someone else! I knew it was wrong, I was never brought up like that and my relationship with my parents is very strong, as with my husband and his it is troubled. Ya, he is insecure....comes through with his jelousy....i'll tell ya there are so many problems i have with him that there are too many too list!
You know when I had the discussion with him about this he sat there and told me that this is the way he was brought up and it worked for him. Yet in the next breath he sat there and said his two younger sisters showed his dad no respect and he will not have lack of respect shown from his kids. The thing is that is why they didn't respect him, b/c they got that kind of treatment from him. I told him if you want to be respected you have to GIVE respect, he just doesn't see this! he thinks he can be so hard on them, belittle them, imitate them, and then demand respect! i have lost SO MUCH respect for him when he acts that way! Of course when I talk to him all he says is "oh its always my fault, go ahead blame it all on me!". it is so frustrating!!! I would like that addresss for the verbal abuse, you are allowed to put it on here, other people have, would like to email you, but not sure how to do that, thanks so much for replying, it does help me feel alot better.

Hi again....the website is www.drirene.com and is all about verbal abuse. I also highly recommend the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. There is a lot of useful information even if you have just an occasional problem and wouldn't label your relationship "abusive". I've found many of our problems stem from not knowing the right way to discuss and argue, along with "allowing" your spouse to treat you certain ways. You can't always change your spouse but YOU CAN change how YOU respond to them.<p>Hope this helps.
JJ

I call it mocking, and my H does it too. I have found it to be a waste of time trying to get him to see that what he is doing is disrespectful. He just denies it.<p>I have decided that since this is an area where there is no common ground as to definitions, etc., I am going to treat this as a boundary issue. He may call it whatever he likes, but my resolve is that I will not participate in it.<p>Fortunately, his behavior has been acceptable for 10 days in a row now, so I haven't had an occasion to utilize my plan of action, but if he crosses the line of respect again, I will point out to him that he is violating MY line of respect(regardless of what he wants to label it) and that my choice is to be elsewhere as long as that is the case, and then I will follow through and absent myself from his presence.<p>After a while, education becomes a waste of time and simple consequence becomes necessary.<p>I don't know if your H is cognizant of MB principles, but it is made very clear that it is the recipient's definition of what is an LB to them that is valid. He doesn't get to decide what your LBs are, and you don't get to decide what his are.