Taking off from the other post and to hear both sides.....What's the cruelest thing YOU said to your WS?<p>I know personally I said things I wish I hadn't and in anger. I don't wish to go into details (rather not go back to putting my mind there) but I think we're probably guilty of the same thing.
Are there any WS out there that want share what they felt were the cruelest things their spouse said? I just wonder if we would think the same things.<p>Thanks, JJ

My H basically destroyed our M after 17 years of bliss. I stupidly had an A thereafter instead of making much healthier choices. He has been stuck in one place in recovery. He feels that if he admits to the destruction part (his portion of the blame) that this will excuse the A. Thankfully, he is starting to understand that no one pushed me to have an A. I HAD other options. So now we will hopefully be dealing with the destruction of the M PLUS the A once we do MC.<p>Okay - so the thing he said that just wiped me out!

"I personally don't think that how I was as a H prior to the A was all that bad? I was a little distant because of my job, but that was about it!" <p>Well, he was high on pot, 24/7 and he used to verbally and emotionally abuse me to the point that I felt suicidal. That doesn't excuse my actions, but him saying he wasn't "all that bad" -please!<p>[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: Kim101 ]</p>

JJ613, good point.<p>I know I was emotionally unavailable to my H. Sometimes words don't have to be spoke in order to hurt someone, silence can be deafening.<p>Jo

I think all of the BS have said some very mean things to their spouses. We are going on reaction to being told that hey I found someone better than you, someone sexier than you, someone that I like better than you, etc. Most of us are sorry that we said these things to our WS, in fact, most of us would love to have these words burned. There is so much a BS can take from their wandering spouse. Eventually the words fly and the actions take place. Heck, my WS was a vindictive person since D-day and was h*ll to live with through August. That is when the OW dumped him. He still is not that great to be around, gets angry so easily, goes ballistic so easily, still gets angry when things don't go his way. This is not a remorseful, guilty man, a man who has lost control in his love life, who is not able to think clearly, to this day. My WS is still in a deep FOGGG!!!!. <p>But yes, I am sorry for all I said, am a good person, and he is a good person too.

I think the meanest thing I ever said to my WH was right before the A (though it was brewing). We were having marital problems already and he was saying things like "I don't know if this is the life I was meant to live" etc. I was devestated and said this to specifically hurt him: "I wish I didn't love you." I have never seen him look so hurt. I apologized immediately and told him that it was a low blow and I had done it on purpose to hurt him because I was in so much pain. I've been doing that since the A too and trying so hard to stop... I catch myself a lot before I let one slip. What to do with the resentment...ahhhhhhh.<p>Oh another one that was REALLY mean was when I got super dressed up and made up to go out with WH, I was putting mascara on and was bending toward the mirror, working the pants I had on [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] and WH says "Let's just stay home." I say "no way, why?" and he says "You look TOO good!" And I say "What, you afraid someone else might want this?" And he says "yes." and I say "Don't worry, I would NEVER do anything stupid!" and then I cocked my head and looked at him real innocently and said "Huh. Then again I would've never thought you would either." That was a burn that slipped out during the first week after d-day. Ouch.<p>Can you tell what my big LB'ing problem has always been? I'm trying so hard to change my response, but it is so hard!!!

I said "If I would have known how badly you were going to hurt me , I would have never married you"

"Stupid stupid stupid"<p>When I told him to leave he said he had nowhere to go I said "why dont you go live in the little love nest with OW"<p>Im sure my list goes on but you get the point.

I am really ashamed to say this. But JJ I think this is a great idea.<p>I know how much resentment he holds for his father. I told him he is just like his dad. I know it sounds kinda simple but I know it was a very personal thing to him.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jj613:
<strong>Taking off from the other post and to hear both sides.....What's the cruelest thing YOU said to your WS?<p></strong><hr></blockquote><p>I mostly bit my tongue and kissed his a** from day one. 3 days after he left (vehemently denying that he was having an A) I found out I was pregnant. We had been trying for a baby and I'd had a recent miscarriage (which was when he started to get depressed). He disappeared for 4 days (wonder where to, hmmm). When I told him I was pregnant he was less than thrilled of course. I said "I hope your child appreciates the fact that you abandoned his pregnant mother to run off with some white trash phone answering bimbo." He said " First of all,I am not having an affair, I am totally alone. I have no interest in being with anyone" (bwahahaha) "Anyway, it doesn't count as abandoning a pregnant wife because I didn't know you were pregnant when I left."

I am currently in my second M. My first W passed away from cancer at the age of 23 (I was 25).<p>I said to my WW a day or so after finding out "You should feel lucky, the last time I got rid of a wife I had to bury her).<p>Ouch.<p>Anger makes us act very out of character.

I honestly don't know what my husband feels is the most hurtful thing he has said to me (me being the WS), but I can tell you what I find most hurtful.<p>This was before I admitted to my affair but my husband KNEW I was having the affair.<p>We were talking and I was telling him the things I needed in our marriage and I said "I need for you to tell me you think I'm sexy when we make love.....and I need to know I'm important to you and...yadayadayada.....and most of all I just want someone to love me for who I really am."<p>His reply...."I don't think you are going to be able to find anyone who will. I don't think that person is out there."<p>That cut to the bone.<p>On d/day he said the usual things I would expect a BS to say...."You cheating wh*re, you slut, b*tch, tramp, trash" those kinds of things...and although at the time they hurt..(and I am not bothered by them now)..I still don't think I've fully gotten over me being so "unlovable".<p>Oh, I've tried to rationalize it with the fact that he was under duress and was saying that out of knowing I was doing something behind his back and by also telling myself that he probably didn't see alot about me that was "lovable" at that time....still....those words linger in my mind.........<p>sel

[img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] Do I have to confess it? [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>"If I had known you "weren't IN love with me", and were gonna have an affair and leave me one day, I should'nt have taken such good care of you during your cancer. MAYBE I should have left YOU and let your Mom take care of you."<p>ugly ugly ugly.... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

Hmmm.... I don't think I *ever* said anything nasty to my W. That was my main problem, always biting my tongue and saying nothing.<p>Well... maybe I did have one angry outburst where I might have said f u, and called her a b***h. <p>I'm not kidding, it really was only once. Is that a good thing???<p>Jeffers

My husband doesn't post here, but I am certain he would say that the following is the most cruel thing I said to him:<p>"Did you at least wait until your friend was dead before you started f****** his wife?"<p>I can still see the look on his face when I said that. I immediately apologized and I was horrofied that I could be so cruel to him. I said this to him after he revealed that one of the women he had been having an affair with was the wife of a good friend of his that was terminally ill. I was still thunderstruck that my husband could ever do anything like have an affair, much less treat a friend in this manner. He replied that they had met in restaurants and flirted around while his friend was still alive, but didn't have sex until after he was dead. I am still reeling from the knowledge that my husband could do the things he did and that I could be so mean and nasty to him when he was trying to be honest and remorseful. I have apologized for saying that many times since that day. I am ashamed for having the thought, much less voicing it.

"I can't believe that I left Texas to move here and marry you if I knew you were going to cheat on me."<p>"I wish I never met you"<p>"If I didnt' have small children I'd leave your *&^#&^*&#^&*^# butt"<p>*sigh*<p>I love him with all my heart...but it cuts deep when you don't understand the how's and why's at times.<p>Interesting thread...<p>Twiisty

Oh, thanks. Just when I was feeling all self-righteous and santimoniuos over the WS to BS thread, you bring THIS up. Gad.<p>I think the thing that I've said to my spouse that hurt him the most was "I hate you." That really bothered him. So much he threw his very hard to replace wedding ring out the car window on the highway. I could just kick him whenever I think about it. Mind you, this remark came a few days after he left me to pursue the OW. But it was still mean and untrue.

When I caught him lying about whereabouts but before it "almost" turned PA:<p>In response to the question of what I want.<p>"I want you to leave with your things and never darken my doorstep again. Unfortunately, that isn't possible because I have children with you and they need a father."<p>I may have added, "Or did you forget that?"<p>After D-day #1:<p>"I married slime."<p>Just today: "You are the cruelest person I know."<p>I've said lots of stuff after D-day. But you know what is sad? He said far worse to me prior to D-day.

Confession time huh?<p>Not sure what my W would say, I think it would be when I told her she was "f*&#ed up".<p>I still haven't heard the end of that comment.<p>
who

Great (In a Self Examining Way) Post JJ.<p>In reading the last post I kept thinking that if I posted some of the hurtful things WH said to me it wouldn't be telling the whole truth of the matter.<p>Unfortunately for me, my LBs is worse than the angry outbursts, it has been the quiet and calm "here's what I think of you." So there are many things that I look back in embarassment - both before and after the EMA. I think what hit him hardest was even after we were working it out I would say that maybe we could have been happier if we had divorced. Knowing full well that he crings at the thought of almost ending up with the OW (she is a chronic cheater). [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Upon discovering that he had given me an STD and that the possibility existed that he could have exposed me and my nursing baby to the HIV virus with unprotected sex:<p>"You tried to kill us!!!!!"<p>He has yet to admit to the unprotected sex, though I can't imagine who he thinks he can assert he was protecting if he was planning a future with the OW and he was so sure she was clean. Yet another discrepancy in the story that doesn't make sense.<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

Not something I am proud of, but I did call her a wh**e. It hurt her deeply and I have regretted it since.<p> jd