Have any of you or your spouses been diagnosed with adult ADD? What problems has it generated within your relationship? <p>here's a summary of mystory:
Early on my wife and friends told me they though I had ADD. The all told me to see someone and get diagnosed so I could see what I could work on. I never did, I stuck by the fact that it is over diagnosed and a crutch people lean on. I was stronger than it. I limped through college trying hard, but always "not meeting my potential" as it was often said. No problem right? I still met a wonderful woman (yes, my wife), graduated and actually found and excelled in a well paying job. But problems left unfixed tend to come back to get you later.<p>What now know is that ADD affects not only schooling, but also your relationships with people. We were great for a while but my inattention an my lack of understanding of my problem made it worse. Dont take it that I am using ADD as an excuse at all, but I understand it had a part in causing my M problems and how I ended up pushing my wife away (and into an A) without trying.<p>I have since seen a psychologist and was diagnosed. We worked on non medication suggestions. ways to try to focus or write things down for later digestion. I have read a few books on it which combined with Harley's books helped me notice and focus on my biggest LB's: Hyperfocusing on some things while ignoring my wife, forgetting things she said/dates, trouble planning or following through with plans,and all around loosing focus on her when she needed it. <p>I know I CAN control my ADD, once aware of it and alert. It is hard though to be "on alert" all the time. So anyhow, I am going to be on meds for that and depression. I am aware of my limitations and faults and am working hard to make up for them. I think we are making progress. I think I am much better at meeting my wife's needs for conversation and my focus and she is responding. <p>I was wondering if anyone else had ADD as a cause of or adding to their current problems.<p>-HI<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>

My H doesn't have ADD, but we think he is dyslexic. He doesn't remember dates, appts., tell him things to do, forgets minutes after telling him, etc. To get things done around here, you have to tell him over and over. He says to make a list for him, it would be helpful if he would jot things down on a list too. <p>It has harmed our marriage, I felt all this time, he didn't care about what I needed to get done. Like my van, I finally went to the garage to get the oil changed. Hasn't been changed in over a year. Very dirty oil, and now should have it changed at 1000 more miles. Have it marked on the windshield. Other problems found, and have to get them fixed. Like the tires, was having problems with tires going down on air, would have to fill them up all the time, and finally said I have had enough, got new tires. Have not had good heat in the Van for the last 1-2 months. Finally said I need to make an appt. took it in today for the heat, needs a new thermostat. I thought my H would take care of my car totally for me, my father did for my mother. She never had to worry about getting things done, dad was on top of it all. <p>I understand now, and have decided that I need to take care of all the issues myself. Can't depend on my H. My H would not seek medical attention for this disorder and would not take medication for this disorder. So won't press the issue, just deal with it the best I can.<p>Hope things are worked out with the new medication, and to help the depression. My H is depressed and won't go seek medication to help. It could be a big difference that will create harmony and a good loving relationship. Good luck, and it is true that a medical condition can cause so many problems.

I have often thought my H. has ADD , he's very forgetful, always has been, used to be late for everything. He's much better with some things than he used to be and is very organized, has to be otherwise he gets very anxious, uses his planner for everything. The hyperfocusing sounds very familiar, he gets caught up in certain things and can't get off them and does ignore my needs but is not really working on that aspect. Your wife is lucky tou realize what is going on and are willing to try and are actively doing things to change. My H. says he'll try, but then he doesn't really do anything different. Plus he's the one who had the A. and he doesn't really want to deal with the issues. There are some good books out there, I can't remember the names right now. As far as ADD being a cause of problems, I don't know, it could have contributed some. He is also chronically depressed and was not taking any meds for it for 4yrs and that really contributed. He's been on wellbutrin for a few months and that seems to have helped his mood swings and evened him out. Good luck and don't quit trying.
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Dear HangingIN,<p>In my house we are experiencing a double whammy. My H is dyslexic and I am ADD. For years I suspected that I was ADD but only got it confirmed by consulting with a pyschiatirst who was treating my son for dyslexia. That is also how we found out my H was dyslexic. Dyslexia and ADD are related you know, just different extremes of the same condition, a miswiring of the brain. <p>My H`s dyslexia was undiagnosed in childhood so his problems left him with the feeling that he wasn`t as good/smart as other people. Well that`s only partly true, he knew he was smart he just couldn`t figure out why others didn`t see or appreciate it. My FIL ran my H into the ground because of his problems and my H eventually became a pot addict to medicate his feelings of not being "good enough" His need for pot drove him into criminal activity and also led to both an EA and a PA, things he did to feel better about himself. <p>Now onto me. I did very in most subjects at school, was a pretty social butterfly and came from a wealthy family. Life looked perfect. Except... all my life my parents have told me that I am a ditz, a flake, a motormouth, I don`t pay attention ect. I still hear that to THIS DAY. I am treated like I am stupid. I hear "we KNOW you are not stupid but you always do stupid things" Now the "stupid' things I do are things like forgetting where the car is parked, stumbling over my words from time to time, cutting people off in conversations, spilling stuff, the inability to drive a car because I am afraid I won`t be able to ALWAYS focus on the road ect...<p>None of these things are what I would consider high crimes nor necessarily what I would call signs of stupidity. But I have always been treated/told I was stupid. So you can imagine what myself esteem is like now. <p>My H had his ONS years ago and lied to cover it up. To me this is just another example of someone thinking that I am stupid, really stupid. I think I am stupid. I know that intelligence wise I am not a moron, I have an IQ of 128 but life wise and people wise yes I am a colossal idiot. I do not feel like a normal person and am waiting for the day when I will finally run across someone who likes me just the way I am quirks and all. That` how I feel in my ADD skin, not liked or accepted for who I am. <p>Yep, this has caused NO END of problems for both my H and I. My H feels better about himself since he realises that his problems are dyslexic related. I still feel stupid though.

Daisy..
Well not to turn this into an ADD board, but it is good to know I am not alone on that point too. ADD is tough, I had much the same problems as you and like you my self esteem has been crap for the most part. I had depression most of my life and only got worse recently. Finding your spouse is having an affair isnt much of a boost either. <p>Are you on Meds for ADD? You are NOT stupid as you said, just like I am NOT forgetful. I have a damn good memory I just wish I could remember what I need to instead of the color of the door we passed through on our first date or stupid facts like that. <p>Your family not understanding it can be tough also. Like you my parents always wondered aloud if I was the slow kid. My other siblings went to Ivy league schools and one became a doctor. I am the tall one. I joke with that sometimes but it hurts to know it.<p>I'm fired up though now. I know I can change all of it. I am going to get on meds work hard and turn things around like I am with my marriage. <p>feel free to write back!<p>-HI