How long did it take your WS to come around from saying "I am unhappy and my feelings are not the same for you". I am no longer "in love" with you. My wife (WS) told me this on Sunday night and I want to help understand what kind of time frame I am dealing with. This is the first time she was honest and said part of her being unhappy is a part of it. I don't know if she will be thinking unclearly for the next few months or if she might start thinking a little clearer sooner or later.
I want to step back and let my wife work on herself before excepting her to work on our relationship. I just want to be in a position so when my wife does fall I am there to try and rebuild what we had.
Can any BS or WS give me some insight on what the next few months might be like. I caught her back in October. We spend some time apart in October and Novemeber. She stopped contact with other man in late December when he left her company. We have been living at home together only since January 2. I am in Plan A and she is wanting a 6 month separation. I want to see what is best for our relationship. I would like someone to help me understand in more details what she will be going through.

Personally, I don't think a bunch of talk about love is very helpful because it is what people DO that tells the true story.<p>My H claimed that he always loved me, that he had the A because he was convinced I didn't love him. I consider this excuse-making with no basis in reality.<p>About a month after D-day he claimed he was again "in love" with me. At this time, he was still in contact with the OW because they worked together. His continuing to work in a secondary job that could have been found elsewhere or done away with altogether (I offered to go back to work to replace the income) did not communicate "love", "in love" or otherwise, to me.<p>He still says "I love you", but he still is not doing the things I need from him to heal from his adultery, so I do not feel loved.<p>My suggestion is to stop listening and pay close attention to what she does.<p>Honestly, I don't know how I'll ever be able to feel loved by a man who would purposely inflict the worst pain of my life on me. I have no idea what love is anymore. If you're able figure it out, let me know.

Sorry to burst your bubble but... I think there is no magic time when fog lifts. <p>There are a lot of factors that determine the length of time, amd most of them are not in your control.<p>However, that doesn't mean I think you should give up! What you are doing takes courage and the ability to look at yourself and be radically honest (at least with yourself.)

CG, <p>Can I hope in the boat with you?<p>My WH sounds like your W, with a few differences. One moment he says he loves me, gives me beautiful cards, etc. and the next he says that it's just not there. The FOG IS DEEP. Just like your W, my H wanted to separate but work on it. However, last night he changed his mind and just want's to separate. He tells me why but I just don't understand why the sudden change of heart. I think it's the fog and I am still hoping for a change of heart. Although, I am beginning to think I am a fool. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

confused guy,<p>if all contact has really stopped, I think, I remember reading that withdrawal can last for like a month for every month of the A, now I don't remember where I read this, <p>don't have any personal expericne with withdrawal <p>if you can handle it give her the time, I try not to do the seperation bit but sometimes you have let them go, so they are free to come back

I am trying me best at giving her time and being patient. She was in the affair for about four months. So I am figuring it would be May or June before she might even start to get over him. He left the company in late December. She tells me she is over him she thinks but I think she is telling me what I want to hear.
I won't lie it does hurt to be put through this. I am trying to keep myself busy and do other things to make me happy. I go to the gym often and have been spending some money on some new clothes. This will for sure either make our relationship better in the future and/or at the same time make me a better person.

In my opinion, and you can take it for what it's worth, if she wants to separate it's so she can continue contact with the om. She tells you she's unhappy and probably tells you many things you did wrong as a way to justify to herself what she knows was a horrible deed. She tells herself that she loves the om and that makes it ok. She can't tell you she loves you or that would make her have to face the fact that she made a terrible mistake. It's a lot easier for her emotionally to take it out on you and try to lean on him.<p>My advice would be to fight any separation tooth and nail. Shower her with immense amounts of love and affection until she's drowning in it. If she is not in contact with the om she will begin to respond to the plan a. If she doesn't, you'll know she's still in contact. By allowing a separation you're taking the first step toward divorce and never reconciling, as I see it. Do whatever it takes to stop it. Don't make it easier for her to stay in the fog. When she comes out of it she'll see you for who you are and feel terrible about herself. That is when you'll begin the healing process. Not before and definitely not while separated. <p>My wife had an affair for almost four years before I found out. I plan a'd like there was no tomorrow. I also put pressure on the other man to realize what pain he was causing. After giving him some time to think about it I called him and told him to **** or get off the pot. Come face me like a man on equal terms and let the best man win. He realized I was never going to back down and that I was better prepared to make my wife's life happy and back'd out.<p>We had at one point reached a divorce agreement. She not only told me she was unhappy and wasn't in love with me, She also told me that she'd been planning to divorce me for months and that she hated me. When the time came to file the divorce papers, my wife wouldn't go through with it after my showering her with plan a. She was returning my affection within 2 weeks after he dumped her. It didn't take her long to realize he was using her and that I was the one who really loved her. They had planned our divorce and a future together not 3 months before he dumped her. We are 5 months past d day now and are doing great. The length of time it will take her to come around is completely up to you and your efforts. How bad do you want it?