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OMG...OMG...<p>I was talking w/ my best friend about 'stuff' today and she revealed that a couple of weeks ago my H opened up to her...<p>She said it was like the floodgates opened and that if she had had more time, he probably would have said more...<p>Basically he told her that he knew what he did wrong and why... (she was amazed that he even alluded to the affair to her)... how he wants us to 'work' together and be a team... how it is hard for him because he knows I don't trust him and that and he's trying to do things so I can trust him... <p>Now this is a person we both have known for about 10 years... I tell her everything... so H has to know she tells me stuff too... <p>she basically advised him to discuss what he said to her w/ me and tell me what he was telling her... (radical honesty)... This is such a stumbling block for him... it's like he can't be 'real' w/ me... has the same problem w/ his parents... like he wants to shield us from who he really is... (like we don't know [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] )...<p>so, I'm gonna flip through my Power of a Praying Wife and find some appropriate prayers... for continued 'revealing' to him... for his ability to be honest w/ me... for his continued path w/ God...<p>I feel even more certain now that recovery is around the corner... the missing piece is the plan... one that we both know and agree to... <p>H telling ME it's over and was wrong is one thing... but when I know he's talking to others... it has just made me even more sure that he means it...<p>Cali
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Great news Cali ~<p>One lesson that I still struggle with is that life doesn't happen on MY time schedule.<p>You've been doing a good job detaching and letting go....and thats when everything else seems to fall into place!<p>Funny how that happens...it seems that sometimes we (at least I) can't get out of the way of myself [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] But once I do - life starts falling together.<p>I'm happy that your H is sounding more and more remorseful and committed and taking responsiblity. Thats a great sign [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
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Cali,<p>*Doin' a Happy Dance* [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Don't let your exuberance take over too much. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sounds like this is a perfect time to be looking around at things like Retrouvaille. Maybe all you need is a neutral/safe environment to help you two put a plan together! <p>I guess that's what I mean by exuberance. Your H needs to feel that it's HIS plan too.<p>WOW!<p>Jeffers<p>P.S. I think it's kinda fitting that two or us with opposite views on lots of your posts made it here first. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: jeffers ]</p>
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Great news Cali!!!!<p>So glad you are getting some much needed relief!
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Hi Cali,<p>Things sound very hopeful. From what you say about your H, he truly wants your M to work. However, it seems like he will need continued understanding and nurturing on your part to have the confidence that this is going to work. It is ironic, isn't it, that the BS often has to be the safety net for the WS. Cautious optimism is definitely justified, I think. I'm happy for you.<p>Wishing you well,
Estes
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jeffers: <strong>Cali,<p>*Doin' a Happy Dance* [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Don't let your exuberance take over too much. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sounds like this is a perfect time to be looking around at things like Retrouvaille. Maybe all you need is a neutral/safe environment to help you two put a plan together! <p>I guess that's what I mean by exuberance. Your H needs to feel that it's HIS plan too.<p>WOW!<p>Jeffers<p>P.S. I think it's kinda fitting that two or us with opposite views on lots of your posts made it here first. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: jeffers ]</strong><hr></blockquote><p> I liked what Jeffers said especially about your H needing to feel like it was his plan also.
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That is great news Cali...I am so happy for you. I hope everything works out for you...how exciting...
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Hugs to you Cali!! I am so happy for you! You deserve it!!
BH
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Cali,<p>Awesome news!!!<p>I am so very happy for you....you deserve this more then anyone I know!!!<p>I liked Brambles post, I too am working on that letting go thing. So keep me in your prayers that I will stay out of the Lords way for awhile, like you have...<p>God's Blessings to you both, Dawn
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Cali,<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Smiles and hugs to you! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>This is an accomplishment. One that took your patience and your H's coming to terms with reality. This is a good and positive step in the right direction. <p>You are doing good. <p>L.
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I'm praying for you Cali!
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Great news. I am very happy for you!!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
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[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You rock---Plan A "princess" (I still say queen)<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
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I think Jeff said it best:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jeffers: <strong>Maybe all you need is a neutral/safe environment to help you two put a plan together!</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Your mutual friend must have been a safe harbor for him. Try your best to provide a similar anchorage - free of anything that may scare him off.<p>WAT
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Cali,<p>I have been reading your posts for a long time now and I am so happy for you. <p>Great work and keep praying.
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I'm happy for you.<p>Well, let's be Radically Honest here. I am jealous.<p>But maybe a little more hopeful too, as you share your realistic baby step success story
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Thanks all for your replies. It has been a slow process... part of it is just my being able to realize that my H must move at HIS pace... I can't speed him up... the other part is faith, belief and trust...<p>I am working even harder at letting go and letting HIM take the lead... both God and H [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ...<p>Other WSs have come to the realization, on their own, that they needed help during recovery... I will continue prayer in that area... that God will reveal to H what He wants him to know... and that my H will have the eyes to see and the ears to hear...<p>All your support means a great deal to me.<p>Thanks
Cali
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