My H of 5 years told me three weeks ago he was having an A. It lasted 2 months - and over. I had our son a month ago. So - we are trying to work at things. He couldn't handle all the questions so we decided to give it until a specific date wehn we would chat and answer questions. That was cool with me. Then - day before Valentine's day huge blow out - he started it. I calmly explained that I understood some of his needs were not being met - that I was sorry and in all reality some of my needs were not being met either. He said he was thrilled to have such open communication. That it meant a lot to him. Valentines day was great and we have been arguing ever since Feb. 15th. Last night he decided that he was so angry that he thought he was making me happy only to find out I was not completely happy (niehter was he obviously) that the only way he is now interested in resolving our relationship is to act like we have had NO history - no good times, (he feels they were obviosuly not that great) and no bad times .Clean slate until he can figure out who he is and waht he wants. He is very depressed - very angry (as I am starting to become) and I am not sure if I am going to like this arrangement on a go forward basis - but now I cna't talk to him about it.... confused - yes! Help!

Hello alh,<p>One of MB's big principles is for partners in the M to consider and take responsibility for their part in the M problems, pre-A and after. If the past is swept under the rug, it is impossible to learn how you can improve your relationship.<p>Another thing to consider is that unless a person learns from past mistakes, and learns to correct the problem behavior, he/she is destined to repeat that behavior in the future.<p>I think that you realize that starting from scratch, ignoring the past, is not the best thing for your M. Would your H read the information on the main site about accepting responsibility and correcting past mistakes?<p>I'm glad that you are posting. Don't give up on trying to persuade your H to talk about your relationship. If you don't, the issues that originally caused your problems will still be there.<p>Take care,
Estes