I'm probably too impatient but it just seems like nothing is happening. I've posted before about my H hours at work and being gone for so long. I don't think he is still in contact with the OW but he wants to avoid being with me. He won't call me during the day to talk, Sun. we were discussing things and he said that he doesn't have anything to say to me and basically that it is boring so he feels uncomfortable calling. He doesn't have a problem talking at home, I mean little things, not The Problem, so I don't understand why he can't call and just talk for 5 or 10 min. during the day. I am becoming very resentful and I am starting to dread when he does come home because I am mad at him and can't pretend. I tend to show how I am feeling, have never been able to fake being happy. I just feel like he wants to avoid the whole affair discussion and how to change things in us and our marriage, he is doing small things, but is not saying the things I need to hear. Any advice would be appreciated, any guys advice especially, I don't know how to get him to open up to me. He's a very closed person and he opened up with the OW and he acts like he doesn't want that with me. When I think of how he was with her, talking to her constantly, e-mail and IM and sending e-cards etc I just can't deal with it. I know it was a big fantasy thing, he only actually met her 4 or 5 times but he is so different with me. Thanks for any advice and encouragement, I really need a friend or friends to talk to. People who haven't gone thru this just can't relate.

Please someone talk to me. I feel so alone and I'm not for begging, so please someone listen.

I know how you feel!! I've had some of the same issues with my WS, it was amazing how often he could call her and yet he wouldn't even answer his cel when I called him. His A was a long distance one, so the majority of their time was spent on the phone or the computer, with lots of loving email messages and cards. I never knew he was capable of that stuff. We are rebuilding, and one of the things I still have an issue with is his not always answering his cel, and I remind him frequently of it. I've told him several times that when he fails to call me or answer when I call him, that I then get thrown right back to that time and start feeling all the same old insecurities. He is getting much better, but he still occassionally needs reminding. Have you talked to your WS about this, have you let him know that all you need is a reassuring phone call? Believe me, it took a long time for it to sink in, but if you don't let them know exactly what you need then you're not going to get it. Not much but I hope I've helped.

day by day---why did your H come back? Was there an agreement to reconcile? Or was it just a quick fix to stop the pain?<p>He sounds like he definitely does not want to work on things and I wonder if OW is still an issue. That contact is so key to any resolution. There is no way you can fill his needs if there is no healing and reassurance taking place. I learned through all this infidelity crap that women are responders, receptacles to spouses love and caring. That made me free of the burden of it ALL being my fault. <p>There are many books to help you with getting the true picture of what is taking place. I poured over infidelity literature til I was bleary-eyed and it helped....so keep reading and searching for the truth. Learn and grow and work at being you. We can loose ourselves so easily in relationships. <p>(((((((((hugs))))))))))<p>TW

This may not help. I get the exact same thing from my W. Not much for a mans perspective just know you're not alone. Many of us here have the same thing. It's one day at a time. Posting here is great because you learn you're not alone. Just pour out your frustrations here. You're among friends. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

DBD,
I think I know how you feel, painful isn't it. You mention faking happiness. I believe the key point here is not to fake anything but to be genuinely happy. Face the reality - he is probably not being honest with you and whatever you say to him about your relationship won't count. You must treat this period of non-communication as an opportunity to rediscover yourself. Do some things for you. Get happy. A happy and busy you is far more attractive than a worried and clingy one. This is the advice I'm picking up and it makes good sense because you win whatever the outcome of your relationship. I've spent too much emotional energy worrying about things I cannot change. It's very draining and depressing - and self-defeating. The alternative is hard but it is all I can do right now and I must succeed. I'm trying to be positive and so should you.<p>Best of luck.

day-by-day! (great user name!)<p>Are you my clone? Lot's of stuff in your message hit me. Maybe if I ask again someone will hear us?<p>from DBD: "I've posted before about my H hours at work and being gone for so long. I don't think he is still in contact with the OW but he wants to avoid being with me."<p>Actually I think my WH is still in contact with the OW but not very frequently. However, he has this same problem about excessive hours at work, and I feel like he is using it as an excuse to avoid me/the fact that he messed up. It's not a new problem in our marriage, but it's suddenly gotten worse the last few weeks.<p>Please someone out there help: How do you deal with this???<p>from BR: "He's a very closed person and he opened up with the OW and he acts like he doesn't want that with me."<p>Just like mine! and he says stuff like how wonderful it is to be with her because she will listen to his dreams. For YEARS I have been wishing/hoping/praying he would open up with me like that, but no, when he is finally ready to open up he goes to someone ELSE!<p>I don't suppose my post is very helpful to you, DBD, but at least you know you are not alone!