I would ask that you reconsider leaving MB. This site is not against alternatives. This site is about recovery. For most of the people on these boards, that is the bottom line.<p> We have people who use the Tough Love , people who use 180's, which may be part of tough love, but it doesn't really seem to be tough love, and others who use a mixture of several approaches.<p> I, for one, have been using Plan A for quite a while. The site and most here say that one needs to move to Plan B after a given amount of time, usually 6 months. Well, I am well past that 6 month timeframe. The results have not been what I had hoped for. However I am not at all fixed on Plan B. So I search for other ways. <p> 180's were the latest craze to wake up our WS that came to MB. This techneque holds great appeal to me, because it has the potential to change how our WS sees us. Without having to break ALL contact with the person we love. <p> I guess all I wanted to say is not to leave without giving some of us a chance to see another road. Who cares if some might see it as kooky or complain that it is not MB way? If something you share helps me or others, that is the important thing. <p> I have read everything you have written here. Some hold to different ideas and ways than you perhaps. But, please don't throw away a small chance to possibly help even one other BS, or WS.<p> I think you should stay awhile.<p> jd

bump

Please tell me what "180's" is? I think you mean making a very sharp turn or change in directions, but, what EXACTLY are you talking about? Is it a recovery theory? A book? A program? What?<p>If "seeking" doesn't show up in a day or so, I'll send her an email to let her know she has a post directed to her. For now, she's returned to the Redbook site.<p>Pepper

I learned about 180s from the www.divorcebusting.com boards and Michele Weiner-Davis' books, Divorce Busting and The Divorce Remedy (highly recommended BTW).<p>Basically it is just one of many techniques used in solution-based approaches. Essentially it means doing something different. If you're usually home at a certain time, be somewhere else. If you usually wear your hair a certain way, wear it differently or change the color or cut. It's just a method of changing your life and getting out of ruts. It is mostly for you, but it can also attract the attention of a reluctant spouse.<p>The theory is that if you are not happy in your M it is probably because you've been doing "more of the same", and it is time to try something different. If you usually react to your spouse's coming home late by asking where s/he was and interrogating, let them come home to a dark house and you sound asleep in bed or not there at all. Things like that. It's a way of zeroing on what might "work".

What a strange approach to designing an experiment.

I have bumped that thread up. I will also add the link here.<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=014880<p> jd

I wouldn't call it an "experiment". What is strange is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. But actually when you think about it, most scientific theory is based upon the concept of ruling out one component after another to arrive at a solution. Basic problem-solving.