spoke with WW today, she feels that she needs to go and be with her dad, the only person that understands her right now. Apparently her A is dying, she has been 1200 miles away from me and OM for about a week now. withdrawl?<p>Asked her about our S, she does not know. Says that she needs to finish her school so she does not have to rely on the support of a man right now. She wants to go to Germany indefinatly. Not sure what is going on right now. We talked some more, and i asked her if she is still mad at me, she is still angry at me for the nite we got in a big fight after i found out about the A, told her she was not taking our S anywhere. Lots of angry words were said that nite. she feels like i meant what i said that nite. fog?<p>Thinks that I am being an a**hole because I dont want her to take S out of country and so she can do what she needs to become independant. I dont agree. Said that i didnt think it was a good idea for her to leave this unfinished. i am selfish?<p>She does not have his passport yet so I still have some time to do something. I really hate to get a lawyer involved due to the bad vibe a lawyer will bring into this situation, but i feel like i need to make sure I and my son are protected.<p>I asked WW if she thought that getting a divorce was the best answer, of course she said yes. I dont love you anymore, ect ect. Of course she is still upset and angry, said that she has had a month to think about things, i told her she has been with OM, how could she have had time to think about us. LB?<p>dunno, need some input/advice/answers

Your child comes first. Drop everything and get an attorney ASAP before the child is taken from the country without your consent. It will be MUCH harder to get your son back than it will be to keep him here.<p>You are right, its not in your sons best interest to be yanked away from you and his home and his country. <p>Tell your wife she can go, but your son stays.<p>Your Plan A does NOT include harm to your children or interference in your relationship with them.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by BrambleRose:
<strong>Your child comes first. Drop everything and get an attorney ASAP before the child is taken from the country without your consent. It will be MUCH harder to get your son back than it will be to keep him here.<p>You are right, its not in your sons best interest to be yanked away from you and his home and his country. <p>Tell your wife she can go, but your son stays.<p>Your Plan A does NOT include harm to your children or interference in your relationship with them.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>everything BR said<p>CALL A LAWYER TODAY! See if you can get custody as you are afrid that your W will take him out of the country.

digitalslavery,
Try not to involve lawyer. How ?. Go to goverment office and ask them what are the requirements for pasport .... I beleive for minor you need both parent sign a consent, at least in where I live (CA). If that is the case you are safe.
Now it had been about 1 month from D-day, how is your plan A ?. What did you work on ?. It will take time for plan A to work but when she says the only person that understands her right now ... why ? have you try to make her feel safe yet ?. Please do not LB'ed.
It depends how serious she it about this, I would schedule session w/ Harley asap. You need professional help. Do consult w/ lawyer too ... get as much info as you can and see what are your options but do not act on it, it is your last resort.

I would have to agree with the other posts here. You need to do something to keep your wife from taking your son out of the country. Maybe its getting a lawyer involved, maybe not. I'm not exactly an expert in this area but I would definately try to stop her from taking him if I were you.<p>The child should always come first. Sometimes we, as adults and as WSs, forget that.

REDHAT<p>Thank you for pointing that out, I really had no idea about both parents having to sign the consent form, although I have to wonder if WW will just try and forge my sig.<p>BR, sing<p>Thank you for your comments, I really do not feel that getting a lawyer involved is going to help matters, unless I see one and have all paper work ready to go, if she decides to go anyway. I dont want to come off as being sneaky, I have told her that I do not want her to go indefinatly. At this point she is not too concered with that, no surprise there. <p>I am trying to get her to open up to me at least and unload her anger, I am following MB principals as close as I can. I want to be married, not just right! But I really do not know how to reach her and let her know that I just want something in writting saying that she can not just go running off.<p>I am trying to be accepting of this, I have stopped all major LBing, even now I am not being disrepectful of her and what she is telling me. I am trying to form an appropriate plan of action regarding her statement about leaving indefinatly. I am working Plan A, just trying to better myself, its helping me stay calm and cool.<p>I did send her dad an email expressing my concern about not getting to see my son. maybe that was a LB, but it seems that he is encouraging her to just runaway, he has done this before, maybe he did not realize what he was doing?<p>The last thing we spoke about on the phone was that she was going to call MB and setup an appointment. I really feel like we may be starting to clear the air, but its still pretty thick. I am encouraging her to talk to me, and open up, a slow and delicate process I know. I am not sure if getting her to talk about her anger with me is a good idea or not, but I want to start the ground work for her being able to trust me in a converstation, even if its about angry she is with me, at least she will see that I am not judging or getting angry with her. <p>more advice/options/suggestions are really appreaciated.

Ok, this is where I think you may be a bit confused about Plan A. Can you call Steve Harley for advice? <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I am trying to get her to open up to me at least and unload her anger, <hr></blockquote><p>You can't *get* her to do anything. I agree that this would be great if she would do it, but trying to get her to open up is a result of focusing on her, and not yourself. Plan A does not involve manipulation, even with the best of intentions!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I am following MB principals as close as I can. I want to be married, not just right!<hr></blockquote><p>Aaah but you are twisting this a bit. You also have a parenting responsiblity (50%) and you have the right, and obligation, to participate in your son's life. This is where IMHO, the line gets drawn. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>But I really do not know how to reach her and let her know that I just want something in writting saying that she can not just go running off.<hr></blockquote><p>She absolutley CAN go running off...and there isn't anything you can do about it. Before I make any assumptions...what are you trying to get her to sign?<p>Plan A is all well and great until the kids start getting harmed. Losing your son (and the harm that will result when he is ripped from his dad, home and country) because you are afraid of upsetting your wife and losing her is NOT plan A.<p>Getting a lawyer involved is NOT the end of your marriage. In fact, the fact that there are legal implications, ramifications and consequences for her behavior might be a good thing for her.<p>My H wanted to do things with my kids that I found harmful and unacceptable (not even as bad as what your wife wants to do) and I *did* get a lawyer involved. I'm in 8 months recovery now...so I am proof that a lawyer does NOT mean the end of the marriage. <p>At the very least, please call Steve Harley and ask his advice. This is not a time to be guessing. I suspect Steve will tell you what he told me, which is that I had to take necessary action to protect myself and my kids.

BR ::::::<p>Thank you again for your insight, I have seen your story and I am really greatful for your input. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I am encouraging her to talk to me, and open up, a slow and delicate process I know. I am not sure if getting her to talk about her anger with me is a good idea or not, but I want to start the ground work for her being able to trust me in a converstation, even if its about angry she is with me, at least she will see that I am not judging or getting angry with her. <hr></blockquote><p>I am hoping without pushing her, that she will start to just get all this anger out, if its directed at me I am prepared to take it, its just words, she is angry, they mean nothing to me right now. Let her unload, let her scream at me, I dont care, I just want her to get this out.<p>I have to admit that I do find her accuastations somewhat funny, they are so distorted. Simply put her staying mad at me over saying some angry words must mean that she still cares on some lower level.<p>Thanks again BR.

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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by digitalslavery:
<strong>
Thank you for pointing that out, I really had no idea about both parents having to sign the consent form, although I have to wonder if WW will just try and forge my sig.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Corrections ... She couldn't ... either you have to be present or you have to give her a notorized statement. I help my SIL to bring her D out of the country from CA ... check w/ your main post office for the rule & regulation.

You should not only find a good lawyer with a track record for winning child custody cases but also contact your nearest child welfare agency to report possible child neglect by your WW. If the agency assigns a case worker to your case, and they gather enough negative info on her behavior as a parent, you stand a pretty good chance in court of obtaining full custody of your S, because you'd then have a powerful agency report indicating your WW bad parenting habits. It is not a sure thing that you are going to get custody of your S, but nothing in this life is a sure thing except death.<p>In my case my xW was a compulsive liar with a sexual addiction. I begged her to go to treatment (I was more than glad to pay for it) but she refused to acknowledge that she had a problem and so I had no choice but to divorce her. But before serving her with the D papers, I did what I recommended to you on the last paragraph, prayed, and thank God the judge agreed that I was the better choice as parent for my two girls.<p>Wouldn't it be a shock to her system if the judge decided that your S's best interests lay with you instead of her and that she'd then have to drag her sorry [censored] to find a job to pay you CS? This could benefit her too in lifting the fog from her brain and make her see that there are consequences for her actions.<p>Just as you have shown willingness to try to fight to save your marriage, you should also show a willingness to try to fight for your S's wellbeign. It is your duty as a father.<p>Good luck and God bless.<p>Joe