im not sue but i think i just found a secret mail acct. for my wh. its under gomailus. i always saw this in cookies file and didnt know what the hell it was. i think i just accessed it. is there any way to find out if this acct. is currently active or if its old. i asked him awhile ago if he had any other mail accts and he said no. maybe its old and he forgot- and maybe im an idiot. im not too computer savy so these thing are a little slow for me. if you are comp. literate please check this post occasionally. im going to go try some thing and i may need help. i cant believe this is happening again.<p>[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: nikko ]</p>

well its not a mistake- i got in. i need to know if there is any way to find out if this is currently being used or not. i cant believe im in this again. i knew recovery was going too well. i have had this bad feeling there still in contact and have been pushing it away thinking it was normal mistrust. now im not so sure. please help and advise me-im tempted to send him an e-mail to this acct. to surprise the hell out of him-i know its a lb but dont care at the moment. i think still having contact while im jumping through f###ing hoops is a bigger one. help.

Nikko ~<p>Until you have proof positive that he is using the account to contact the OW, you should do NOTHING.<p>Monitor the account for a few days and watch, and don't jump to conclusions.

I agree with BrambleRose. And looking at my recent mistakes, she is dead right. Bite your lip and hang tight.

im having major panick attack at the moment so excuse the typing and rants. i just sent an email and its in neither acct. could there be another. how the hell do you figure all this out? i believe he is accessing these accts. from work not home so how do i monitor them. i also found out i can access cell bill from internet-i know im not that savvy, you can laugh, do i just ask for pass codes? i would like to access this acct without him knowing. i could also try his boss who is the only person who knows about all this-his is an extemely close friend, almost family. i know he would try this for me- maybe i really dont want to know. i have been doing everything and i feel like an idiot. we have so many things coming up-personal-i cant imagine going through with them if hes still lying. im a complete mess right now-feel like i did when this all started. i have been having bad feelings for 1 1/2 wks now and have been pushing them away-i know something is up.<p>[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: nikko ]</p>

just went to check the 2 accts and the mail is not in either of them-i know it was sent i checked my mail. where could it have gone-please help me. what the hell is going on??????

Nikko, DO NOT contact his boss! I know it's hard but don't do it!<p>I am a little confused. Where did you send the mail TO?<p>Try to take a deep breath and relax. There is absolutely nothing you can right this minute so stop, step back for a minute and BREATHE!

nikko, you are between a rock and a hard place no doubt, and you do need to resolve it..first a small personal anecdote, 3 times in last couple days my w accused me and got angry over supposed contact, none of it true....one was she overheard me talking in the bsmt, and confronted me about did I call ow on cell phone....yet she knows I talk to myself all the time, have for years (ok, more proof snl is nuts, but thats another issue)...and a couple other similar incidents (in that she jumped to conclusions)...so you do need to make sure before letting your emotions run away with you....I know it is hard for a bs not to think in those terms, and no contact or not, obviously the op exists, and the ws is aware of this, and through work, or living same area, or simply thinking about them...they are still part of who the ws is, to one degree or another...the issue is, is he actively seeing her, or pursuing her, have you asked him?<p>re cell phone acct, I had mine set up with a pw, and set to another address, my um....determined wife managed to talk the cell phone company out of the pw, and send her a copy of bills, that was a lovely day when I got home....So start there, if you have social security number, etc. and can sound convincing enough, you might get em to send you a bill....if it is company phone, different issue...same with on-line, I have sprint, all you need is pw, but a good technique is too call cust svc, tell em you have forgotten the pw, and need access, lot of times a spouse can break through the security cause you can answer all the questions...but spring on-line only gives you billing stuff, no call details.<p>re gomailus, hard to say, could be anything, could even have been put on there by a site, or appeared cause he made an inquiry from a web page, etc. etc.... you really need to get in it, and see what is there....but you can find out who is hosting it, and stuff if you have any comp literate friends, if not, could even hire someone to check it out, shouldn't cost very much, look in the yellow pages and call some comp stores asking for names of people with the skills to do such things. If you truly think your gut is right, put your emotions away and go into detective mode, there is lots you can do, just focus on it, and get advice, gather your evidence (or lack of) and depending on what you find decide what course of action...what you should avoid is letting your emotions run away with you, lb'ing, and generally going nuts, and self-destructing....deep breaths, deep breaths, in out, in out, there ya go....just stay calm, and do what you have to do, you have lots of options...good luck

Depending of the email service that provides the account, you may be able to access it from another computer, to set up message rules so that any out going or in coming email is sent to another address, or you may be able to look at any sent or old mail to see when it was last used (and what it was used for).

all good advice-first off his boss is our best friend and allready knows about all this. talking to him will not in anyway effect husbands job-he and i talk all the time. he is so supportive in all this. husbands ow worked there-he transferred her immediately. this is no shock to him.
second how do i monitor an acct. if he reads mail and deletes it-do i have to sit here all day checking?? im not very comp. literate-just have been real lucky with breaking into accts. found them totally by accident. and this is an actual acct. i got in with name and password. i just dont know how often it is used. i did check cookie file when i was done and the same cookies were there. i always assumed these were mine- he is rarelly on comp. since all this happened. i had no idea he could access from work. i know im an idiot-im learning.
as far as mail it was the email address. however it has not shown up in either acct. i checked the address and i typed it right-its in cyber hell somewhere.
as far as phone it is through work so i have no bills. i can access through comp though i need more info to do this. i will get it tonight. i dont think he has an acct to do this so im gonna try to set a new one up. i just need the info
anyway somehow i have to be a mom today-really dont want to-want to get in bed and pretend this isnt happening. cant though. any other advice is welcome-i have to get son to school now-be back in a few.....

Nikko...
Cookies stick around for a long time. I've had the same worries about my wife, because there really ISNT a way you can monitor their activity at work.. unless you can get into his office, but I dont know about that.<p>The only suggestion I have my friend is to maybe purge the cookies from home and see if they pop up again. If the A is ongoing he will be bound to slip up again and if you are vigilant you will catch him I think. Others online use software to monitor a home PC, if you are interested you can look into that too. <p>Praying for you
-HI

hangigood to hear from you-cookies get purged daily-my comp isnt that great,if i dont get rid of them i have all kinds of problems. thats why i thought they were mine. he's not home. they are not though. i just sent another email-i changed the add. to capt. letters thinking maybe this would make a difference-what the heck do i know- that one dissappeared too!!!!!!!!!!! could he be fowarding to his work and if so can i find this out since i have access??????? help. luckily these emails contain nothing but hi's how ya doin. he is gonna think im off my nut-which i am by the way. at least i still have my sense of humor. i think panick attack is over or at least deminishing. keep tring to help me-i need it.

hey nik..
I'm sure your mind is going a mile a minute..I hope this is just a false alarm too. try your best to stay calm, ok? I'm doing my best to thinkof something funny again unfortunately Im tapped out right now..<p>Back to the possible problem:
What is the website where the e-mail account is coming from I can take a look at it. You said it was gomailus but is that the website, or his username.<p>Also you notied you are not sure where the e-mails are going, did you get into the account? <p>-HI<p>[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>

i am in the acct. there have been no new messages. played with the seetings he had set. hopefully this is false alarm but i really dont think so. i typed in--gomailus--in the search on aol and came up with it. after that it wasnt to hard to figure out name and pssword. i used this address to send both e mails and they never showed up-whats up with that.

Grrr. Is is a mail address from go.com? I tried to see if that was it, but go.com registration is screwy and it wouldnt let me make an account. Ah ok I think I got it just now. send me a test message at it. lkjh@go.com<p>Anyway.. webmail can be slow sometimes. it is possible they just havent arrived yet..<p>-HI<p>[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>

it wasnt from aol-sorry it was from our goes acct. it is definately a set up acct. he definately lied to me.
anyway im going to log off go to the other and get address.<p>bye the way, need a funny thought-ican help with that--i may strangle him this weekend with the very expensive corset set i bought. i have to figure this out before then. if i go through with this weekend and find out later he is still lying, i dont think im gonna want to do this anymore.

Nik..
yeah gomailus is the url for a go.com account. Free service. if not used in 90 days it goes away. it could be old still he may have made it abd forgot about it. <p>One thing you can check perhaps. Login and in settings for that e-mail account click on popmail. is there something setup in there?
He could be checking that account from work using outlook or whatever software. that would pull it off. <p>-HI<p>Re: getting strangled by women's underware would be a happy way to get killed I think for many guys. Stick to the plain ole frying pan on the noggin.<p>[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>

checked the pop thing-even though i had no idea what it was-nothing set up. could he still access this from work without it? i hate all this-i really wish i was better on this thing. so frustrating.

the only cookie that is missing is one with the word overture-which i happened to notice in that mail acct. if i send an e mail to myself and that cookie pops up i will know hes emailing someone. it wont be hard to figure out who. im gonna try-be back soon. oh yeah-one of the emails showed up-i hope i deleted it the right way.

yeah he can still check it from work.
but I dont think he can forward mail from this account so I was just looking into why you said the mail did not get there. I was wondering if he had a program which pulled mail off there automatically, like outlook or other mail apps can do. but if he doesn have popmail setup then he doesnt. <p>in other words your test messages should go through unless he is sitting there checking and deleting them faster than you. <p>-HI<p>[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>