Well I understand SF comes a bit later in recovery for some and I have no real problem waiting. BUT I do have a lingering question. WW put SF as a 4 on her EN's. Way back in the beginning she answered some questions she said the A started with sex and relationship grew. Now during recovery no SF. Is that normal?<p>I'm probably overanalyzing this but here is what I was thinking: Since she started A with SF with OM who was a stranger, then she values SF highly sometimes. So why no SF with me? is it me?<p>One thing I am worried about is earlier in our relationship, she had a hormonal issue because of being on the pill. so at that time she had no libido and perhaps willed herself to give SF to me? She met the OM about when she was taking hormone replacement pills. So maybe that is part of things. But is it possible she just doesnt associate me with it anymore? <p>well guess thats something we should be seeing a counselor when the time comes when she is ready to love me again. <p>Opinions?<p>-HI

Hi HI-
Me again.... I discussed this with my counselor on Monday. I told her that my wife had great sex with
OM, and has no sexual desire with me before or after the A. She lead me to the following conclusions:
- first and most importantly, this is NOT about me, this is about HER. It is not that the OM was better or more attractive or better in bed, etc.
- she doesn't want sex with me because of the emotional state that she was in before and after the A, this is not a physical thing but an emotional state/issue for her
- because of her unhealthy emotional/mental state, she had the a and thus the sex, it could of been with anyone that meet the ENs she needed fulfilled at that time, it wasn't about the OM, it was about her, OM was just her ticket out.
- her desire for sex with me will come back IF she resolves her issues and we work to meet her ENs.
My counselor was not very encouraging with the time frame her, she stated atleast 6 months assuming she puts alot of effort into fixing her issues. I was, as I am sure you are, hopeing for something alittle sooner... Well, I made it for 7 months while she was having the A, what is another 6 months anyway..<p>
PS. My wife had low sex drive on a specific pill early in our marriage, changing the pill helped out but my guess it that it is probably more emotional than anything physical but it would hurt if she could discuss with her Dr.<p>My wife put SF at 10 on the EN survey, not very encouraging.. I keep asking myself if it was a 10 then why sex with the OM... now I know, it wasn't the sex per se, the sex was what the A was based on but the A was her escape from her issues, hope this makes sense...<p>Hope this helps,
Dave

It does and thanks dave!<p>Wish I had an answer for you about your post on rings.. I am glad my wife wears her's but then again I dont if it is because they "mean" something to her or if it is just because they are nice jewelry.<p>anyway.. moving on..
-HI

HangingIn,
I&#8217;m so sorry to hear what you are going through right now with SF. To some, SF will come when they are in love again. I think your wife still feels guilty about what she has done and it will be hard for her to open up. She still confuses about this whole mess. It might take sometimes for your wife to realize that. Like they said she is in a fog.<p>I have been there and I&#8217;m still in it right now. I hope you wouldn&#8217;t have to go through what I have been through. It has been two years (d-days) for me since the last time I had sex with my wife. Unfortunately, her sexual desire for me has not returned yet. It probably never will and I&#8217;m still waiting for it.<p>What davepr said about his wife is what my wife was/is thinking. There are still issues that my wife NEEDs to solve in her emotional state before her sexual desire would come back, if any. That&#8217;s where I&#8217;m stuck. I don&#8217;t know how to help her in that area, per se.<p>My wife refused to fill out the EN questionnaires, but she told me her SF &#8220;with me&#8221; was not even on her list of Ens, ouch!!! Her sex drive was gone right after our second child was born more than 11 years ago. Come to think of it maybe it is because of the birth control pills. <p>Sorry I don&#8217;t have any advice for you, but just want to let you know I have been where you are right now.<p>Take care,