Hi this is my first post so be patient. I am at a critical point in my marriage. We have went to counseling but my w has not done anything the counselor has advised. She is admitting that the lack of feelings she feels is due to her not feeling like the person she wants to be. when ? about this she advised she wants to be more independent. She has recently showed signs of cheating that even her best friends have seen. I am still in denial of that, but she will go off with her girl friend and then stay the night. I have caught her in lies about where she went on one occasion and she was not with the person she said she was with.We have a 20 month old who means the world to me. I don't want to give up too soon but it just seems that she doesn't care. This pain of not feeling loved is almost unbearable. Please pray for us! Also any suggestions? Jerry [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: JWT ]</p>

Jerry,<p>I will pray for your family. I'm sorry for the distance she has placed between you. Have you outwardly asked her about an affair?

read all the intro material on this site then go back & read again.

Thanks for responding first of all. If I even hint around to an affair she then turns everything around toward me and says that I do not trust her. I feel it's a no win situation with her. My friends and hers both think she is having one but I believe a marriage is built on trust so I really haven't tried to find evidence to back up her having an affair

suggestion? yes my friend, don't give up.
Unfortunately and fortunately one person can save a marriage. Work your butt off! plan A away. Show her you will be there for her. Find out what she is need in life or where you are failing and try to fix it. her needs stem from something try to find it.<p>What does she want to be? <p>well.. anyhow.. good luck!

Hi, Jerry~<p>I sense so much pain in your words. I will give you advice from my perspective (exWW)......<p>From what you posted it looks very much to me like your wife is having an affair. The signs are there. (As a matter of fact, I did some of the exact same things your wife is doing) I personally feel that this "I need my independence" is baloney. It's a Wayward Spouses way of saying "Get off of my back and leave me alone so I can do what I want to do"...which...is translated into "I am seeing (or am going to start seeing) someone else and if you press me too hard about information, I might slip up and give myself away. So, just don't ask and give me the freedom I need to do the things I want to do."<p>How old are y'all and how long have y'all been married? See, when you get married you are agreeing to give up that independence to become one with another. For her to willingly get married and commit to that union and then all of a sudden want her independence...something is going on with her.<p>If you can't prove she is having an affair...what I would do is this......watch her and play detective.....gather as much information as you possibly can. See, a liar will keep on lying as long as there is a possible way out of confrontation. <p>I'm terribly sorry for what you are going through.<p>selket

Sing, I have read the intro and then some. I read a whole lot before I ever posted to start with. Sometimes I just get tired of being the only one that seems to be trying at our marriage. I have never felt this kind of pain before. It feels as if the person that you love is stabbing you in the heart with a knife. Not a good feeling and it seems I can't do anything about it. My wife when questioned by the counselor says I am great to her and our son. Even to the point of spoiling her. But I am away at a school for work this week and when I return home Thursday if things are the same I have to make a major decision. I just can't keep on living like this.

Selket, you since right about the pain. I am 36 and we have been married three years. It's funny you say detective. That's what I do at work :-) I really hate to work at home. I also feel that this will just blow up things even more.

JWT: Selket is on the right track. I too played the same game your wife is playing, and the longer you let her lie the longer she will do it, especially if she believes you are none the wiser. What my husband did for a long time is the more I drew away the more he let me and the more he endulged himself into our son to keep his mind off of it. It wasn't that he didn't care what I was doing, but I think he felt it wouldn't hurt so much. Well, it does. Yes, play detective and put her on front street. She won't stop the lies until she has to completely face them. Me, I denied my affair and hoped I could end it without having to tell my husband and then I could work on my marriage. That's the wrong answer. I was so caught up in the lies and the fog surrounding them that the only way to get out clear and start fresh was to relate all to my husband. Wow! That was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do, but it was necessary for us to start fresh and begin our healing and rebuilding.<p>In any event, I have to cut this short. I hope that you can get this cleared soon. I will write more tomorrow. I wish you well. Take care of yourself.

Thanks Tutter 13. Also see my new post Affair or No affair? I will check latter on your response. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]