I have been in Plan A since December 2001. This is actually very difficult as WS refuse to communicate or have contact with me. For the past two months I have send him two letters - No LBing and for Valentines day I gave him a CD with his favourite love songs.<p>Since January 2002, for some reason I have no desire to see him. So when he collects the kids I make sure that I am not around. I actually find that this no contact is making me stronger and also prevents me from having all that roller coaster emotions. I am now concentrating on myself and my children.<p>Yesterday, he came around to the house to drop off maintenance cheque, he does not enter the house since he moved in with OW and he started asking my housekeeper all kinds of questions about me. How was I doing. Am I still crying for him. How is the children adapting. Am I seeing other men. Who is my new friends. Because I have prepared my housekeeper for this, she told him that I was doing extremely well and that the children and I are enjoying ourselves and are always on the go. Also that I have a lot of new friends but there is no boyfriend. Why is he all of a sudden interested in our welfare when his words to me was "You must realise that I care about you but I don't love you anymore and you must start your own life now, you must go out with other men and have new friends."<p>Do you think I must intensify my Plan A. He is fetching the children again this weekend and I still do not have a desire to see him. I actually feel that I am more in a Plan B situation with the no contact. <p> [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

i think you're right. You are in plan B and seem to be doing well.
My suggestion would be to keep on doing what you've been doing. Sounds good.<p>Hehe. I think men always want what they cannot have. So, the other shoe may be dropping: the fact that you seem to be coping so well, may be sparking a renewed interest on his part.<p>And on your part, your lack of interest may actually be the signs that you are not as emotionally attached to him as you were before.<p>[ February 21, 2002: Message edited by: Anise ]</p>

What is it with these men? I did a very short (and I do mean short) Plan A after I found out about my WH's A. Actually I am not sure you could call what I did Plan A; it was actually all the stuff you are not supposed to do like beg, pleaed, cry... you know the stuff. Well, Steve Harley siad Plan B was what I needed at that time. My WH was saying all the same stuff, go out with other guys, go out with friends, move on... He even went as far as to tell me that he could not be happy until I found someone else. WHAT??? Well after a few months of that he started coming around, asking friends questions, trying to call, wanting to get together to talk. I assumed about the D he kept telling me he was filing for. I actually met him once after work expecting to sign papers. He never even mentioned it. He was too busy asking about me. How much weight had I lost? How was I doing? Much the same your WH is doing. Using the Plan B first was actually a good thing for me. It allowed me to become stronger without him, the OW and the A being waved in my face. Once I got to the point I knew that I did not need him to be happy, but still preferred to have him in my life, he decided that our marriage could be an alternative for him. He still is not ready to commit, but last summer our marriage was not even an option for him. I am now a lot stronger and with the advise of Steve Harley, I am doing a very good Plan A. <p>Hope the story helps. Hang in there and do what your heart tells you to do.

I appreciate this post and the response... I too, feel I am too much availalbe to my spouse... he complains that I am needy and he is not there for me... I have only plan a's a few months, and it seems to be working, but then he gets mad or I mess up and he gets mean, and he pushes me away... it is so hard to know what to do... I think in my life... distance would be good! I am finding it hard to implement distance, because I feel I will miss him so much, but good result is he will miss me too... hard to know what to do... but I appreciate this thread... i am thinking a callt o the harleys would be good.<p>H

Ginny<p>I'm glad to see you back!! I hope that might have written to me so I have your new address, but I haven't been able to check my email since last Friday, or check the board from home. My H is working on repaining the living room and hanging paneling and the entire place is a construction zone- and the puters all torn apart. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hope fully he will be done soon.<p>I think it's very encouraging that he is asking these questions. Something you asre doing is working for him! If it's working, don't fix it, that's what I say. Keep doing what you're doing, and leave the door open. <p>Why he is asking these questions after telling you to move on can be best answered to by referring you to the Moose Brain Worm article I showed you before. Remember he is deep in fog and most BS's say stuff like that and it really in the end means nothing when they start to come out and seek treatment for those pesky worms, lol.<p>Hang in there, and I pray the end is in sight for you!