My husband and I have been separated for almost 1 month. I threw him out after he admitted to cheating on me again. I believe he is a sex addict -- I don't know how many affairs he's had (he says he can't remember), but one got him fired. I am probably codependent. We've been married over 14 years and have 3 kids. At first I thought I wanted him back, but I essentially Plan B'd right from the start and have had very limited contact with him. I don't know if that has caused him to realize what he is giving up or if the girlfriend (who I think he is living with) is getting tired of him, or what, but he was at my house today watching our youngest and he wrote me a letter and burned me a CD. He didn't come straight out and say he wanted to come back, but he was never the type to come straight out and say *anything*. <p>He has hurt me so many times over the years. I have hurt him also, although in much different ways. How can I ever trust him again after him telling me he would always cheat on me because I'm too subdued and he needs a fiery woman? How can I live with myself if I don't take the opportunity to at least try? To be honest, we've never tried. We've never been to counseling, we talk and each only hears the other blaming them and making demands of them. I've always scoffed at "self help" books and didn't realize the power they hold until I opened my first one about 3 weeks ago. I've realized from this experience that there is a lot of work I need to do on myself. My counselor thinks my husband has made me this way, but I'm not so sure -- I can remember feeling like this when I was in high school. Can I do that work on myself if I allow him back?<p>I do want to try, I want to be able to say I did everything in my power to make my marriage work, and honestly, I do not feel right now that I have done everything, but I'm afraid to let him back in. I'm afraid it's just a ploy and he's going to go on with his girlfriend (he did this to me before). <p>If we had more money, things would be easier -- he could just get his own place and prove to me he's changed. But we could barely afford one place, the only way he can live apart from me is if he's living with someone. Him staying with the girlfriend and trying to reconcile with me is, of course, unacceptable.<p>Please help, I need a plan! He said in the letter that he's going to call tomorrow. I had written him a letter previously that said the only way I'd consider taking him back is if he went to individual counseling and/or joined a 12-step program for his addiction and we went to couple's counseling. No mention of agreeing to any of that in his letter. Although he did say "Should I build a better me together with my family, or alone?". And he also said "I left because I'm tired of doing what I seem to do best -- lie, cheat, and create conflict. It scares the hell out of me more than the thought of being alone." I know I can't "fix" him, but is he ready to fix himself?<p>Okay, I'm going to stop typing now. I keep rambling. Any advise would be appreciated.
